Mentored ... From a Distance

One of the books I finally got around to reading this summer was Howard Gardner's Leading Minds. It had been in my library for a while, but I hadn't read it. (There are several books in that category. Its the consequence of a book fetish!)

Gardner makes a distinction between leading directly and leading indirectly. I think we could also apply that distinction to mentoring. There have been several men who have mentored me directly. But there have also been several who mentored me indirectly.

This idea came to me this summer as I began arranging my books on the new bookshelves we added this summer. I have a section in the shelves for the books and authors who had made a significant impact on my spiritual life.

Here are the books that inhabit that special section in my library:

Joe Aldrich, Life-Style Evangelism. This says more about what the church and believers should be, than what we should do.

Gary Friesen, Decision-Making and the Will of God.

Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness and The Pursuit of Holiness.

John MacArthur, The Ultimate Priority. In case your wondering, the ultimate priority is worship. Between this book and Doug Sherman's book, I learned that worship is a "whole-life" concept and that everything we do is to be lived out as an act of worship.

Doug Sherman, Your Work Matters to God; How to Balance Competing Time Demands; and How to Succeed Where it Really Counts. Doug's books helped me to develop my whole-life view of success based on his idea of the pentathlon.

Lewis Sperry Chafer, He That is Spiritual. The best book on the doctrine of the Holy Spirit and what it means to "walk in the spirit."

Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God and The Jesus I Never Knew.

Chuck Swindoll, Strike the Original Match. Still my go-to book on marriage. This is the foundational text for the Legacy Marriage course I developed.

Gene Getz, Sharpening the Focus of the Church. Ahead of his time in calling for a church that is relevant to the culture in which it operates.

Richard Foster, Prayer. The introduction alone is powerful.

Gordon McDonald, Ordering Your Private World; Restoring Your Spiritual Passion; Rebuilding Your Broken World; The Life God Blesses; Mid-Course Correction; A Resilient Life; and Building Below the Water Line.

I consider these books mentors- although from a distance through the written word - just as much as I do those who mentored me directly.

They aren't substitutes for the direct mentors, but they are strong complements.

We need both.

Catch and Release

Many of my friends – and my son – really enjoy fishing. For them it’s the joy of being on the water early in the morning or late in the evening, patiently casting and recasting. The thrill comes when a fish takes the bait and the fight is on to bring it in.

Successfully reeling it in is always accompanied by some shouting, some bragging, and on a few occasions - picture taking. (Now, I have to admit that these fish all look the same and I have even wondered if it wasn’t the same fish being caught over and over. Or, the same picture being recycled.)

Earlier this summer, I said good-bye to a man I have been mentoring for the last 6 years. It wasn’t really good-bye, but he has moved to Colorado and our relationship will change. And that’s OK.

I have thought a lot about how our relationship has evolved over the last 6 years. In many ways, it can be described as “catch and release.”

I “caught” him 6 years ago when I was serving as Dean and he was making a career transition. He was already a very accomplished author and consultant, but he was new to the academic world.

I invested intentionally in him for 6 years. Like a proud father, I watched with great pleasure as he became a star on the faculty and was named the first winner of a very prestigious teaching award. We wrote several papers together, and just last month submitted our book manuscript to the publisher. It has been a great collaborative relationship, and that collaboration will continue, even at a distance.

Those of us who mentor others understand that these opportunities present themselves for a season. We have people for a season, we make intensely intentional investments in them, and then we release them.

Like fishing: It’s all about “catch and release.”

What Does a Mentor Look For?

One of the greatest joys I have is intentionally investing in the lives of others.

By now you should recognize that as my definition of leadership. I am learning that that process takes place in a wide variety of settings, in multiple venues. Sometimes its one on one over coffee, sometimes its in a small group setting, sometimes its in a classroom.

I am always looking for these opportunities. In particular, I am looking for a certain kind of person. Here are some of the questions I ask when evaluating a potential investment opportunity:

• Does he have a teachable spirit? Is he an eager learner?

• Is he goal-oriented? Does he want to set being, as well as doing, goals?

• Is he seeking a challenging assignment?

• Is he willing to take on additional responsibilities?

• Does he take initiative?

• Is he willing to accept personal responsibility of his growth and development?

While each of these questions is important, the single most important issue is the teachable spirit. I have been approached by people who say they want a mentor, yet they do not want to be taught. These people are "feedback-resistant," defensive or self-promoting. They don't put themselves in a position to learn. These situations simply don't work for a mentor and the time - the investment effort - is wasted.

Are you looking for a mentor?

Do you have what a mentor is looking for?

What Does a Mentor Do?

Hopefully I am beginning to convince of the need for the intentional investment of a mentor in your life. But perhaps you’re still skeptical about this and you’re wondering what exactly a mentor does.

Here’s a partial list of the contribution mentors have made in my life and the role I have played as a mentor for others:

A mentor:

• Is a source of information
• Provides wisdom
• A Promotes specific skills and effective behaviors
• Provides feedback
• Coaches
• Is a sounding board
• Someone to turn to in times of crisis
• Helps devise plans
• Nurtures curiosity

The Marks of a Mentor

I have been blessed to have had several mentors throughout my life. The impact these men had on me is hard to describe. It’s even more difficult to fully express the gratitude I have for their investment in me. I have tried to express my gratitude to them in several ways on several occasions. Those efforts never seem to be adequate.

Several years ago it dawned on me that the best way to say “Thank You!” is to be to others what they are to me. In essence, the best way to thank them is to pay it forward.

I call this process Legacy Logic.

These men were mentors for me, and now I have the privilege of being a mentor to others. I know I am biased, but I think we all need mentors, and we need them throughout our lifespan and and in the various arenas of our lives.

So, what should you look for in a mentor? Here are some characteristics that mark effective mentors:

• Seems to have what you personally need
• Cultivates relationships
• Is willing to take a chance on you
• Is respected by other Christians
• Has a network of resources
• Is consulted by others
• Both talks and listens
• Is consistent in their lifestyle
• Is able to diagnose your needs
• Is concerned with your interests

Do you have someone like this in your life? If so, be thankful and express your gratitude.

If not, ask God to guide you to someone who can play this important role in your life.