Zem's Rule

I had a meltdown a few weeks ago.

The catalyst for the meltdown was an overwhelming feeling of technological incompetence. You see, I was preparing to teach on-line for the first time in my life and although I have all of the content for the course, I am really challenged around the technology and all of the details associated with the course design.

I felt alone, incompetent, and absolutely incapable of taking the very next step on the project. In fact, I had no clue what the very next step might be.

And I had a meltdown. Ready to quit, throw in the towel, and pretty sure that I was probably not qualified to ever teach again, on-line or otherwise.

In the midst of it all I reached out for help. My colleagues that had been through this same territory were patient with me. They encouraged me, they showed me what to do, and they patiently answered the same questions over and over again.

Its all really funny now. The course development is complete, and I think its going to be a great course.

Looking back, I am reminded of the advice my friend Zem once gave me:

"The crisis that you think will end it all on Monday

will be over by Thursday."

Well, the crisis lasted a little more than 4 days; but it is over now!

The sun continued to rise, I walked through the discomfort, I was not alone, and I will be a better teacher because of the process.

I often tell my students to "allow yourself the discomfort." Through this experience, I was reminded of how difficult it is to follow that advice.

I was also reminded of how valuable that advice is.

Tis the Season

Holidays are upon us. They always seem to sneak up on me, even when I know they're coming.

But that's not the season I am referring to.

Its the "second season" of High School football: Playoffs!

Yesterday I finished my last class of the trimester and headed to the stadium to see Euless Trinity play Allen. We (TRINITY!) eliminated them last year in the same round of the playoffs and they were highly rated - #2 in the state polls. We're only ranked 3rd.

Both teams were undefeated and its a shame two top teams have to meet in Round 2. Somebody's season was coming to an end.

But not Trinity's!

We prevailed with a dominating rushing attack (522 yards rushing). Our tailback had 356 yards on 33 carries. The offensive line was very OFFENSIVE!

Every week will be difficult from now on out. But it doesn't get any better than this. High school football is the purest form of the game. The players aren't recruited and they don't get paid.

And the best football played in the stadium over in Arlington will again be on Fridays and Saturdays in November and December!

Back at It

I haven't posted a blog entry since November. Some of you actually noticed. In fact, two of my friends even sent notes to make sure I was OK. Thanks Walt and Amanda!

Well, I am OK and back to blogging again.

I have spent some time on the balcony, making some observations and doing a lot of reflecting. As a result, I have several new thoughts flowing and I can't wait to share them with you.

Over the next several posts I plan to discuss the need to be intentional about our leadership development. I also want to share some recommended resources with you.

I have some new insights on several topics as well. Over the next several weeks I plan to discuss "fit,"mentoring, and followership. And I'd love to hear your take on these topics!

"Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.

I'm so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside."

No Offs

Have you ever played the domino game 42?

Its a great game. If you like the card games of Spades or Hearts, you would love 42. Its all about bidding, catching tricks, or trying the set the other team's effort to make their bid.

42 is based on one point for every trick you catch (7) + the value of all the multiple of 5 dominoes you catch (3-2, 4-1, 5-0, 6-4, 5-5). If you catch all of those, the points add up to 35. So, 7 + 35 = 42.

In 42 sometimes you draw a hand that is a "lay down" hand. You have all the high trumps and the rest of the hand is doubles. There's no point in playing out the hand because you cannot be set. So, you just lay it down.

Lay down hands have "no offs." Offs are "weak" dominoes that you hope you can walk through on the last hand of the round.

If the logic of 42 escapes you, find one of your Aggie friends. They play 42 at the Dixie Chicken in College Station and keep score with chalk marks on the tables.

If the math of 42 escapes you, you may need remediation because even the Aggies get the math of 42.


I have been thinking for a while about albums in my collection that have no offs. You know how it is - you buy an album (yes an album is the correct term - even if its a CD or MP3 download. I know - I am old school.) You bought the album because there is a really good song or two, but the rest of album isn't so good ... it has lots of offs.

But every once in a while, you get an album that has no offs.

Here's my list of No Off Albums:

Guy Clark, Old Number One

Neil Young, Harvest

Leon Russell, Leon Russell

Elton John, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road actually deserves extra credit. Its a double album with no offs. If Elton was playing 42 with that album he would have bid "two marks" or 84. And he would have made it because Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is a "lay down hand" that has "no offs."

So, what are your no off albums? I'd like to know.

But, there are rules to the game: Live albums and greatest hit compilations are not eligible for the list.

So, review the hand of albums you have and make your bids!

The Benefits of Margin - Part 2

These days, the calendar has lots of open space. Scheduled appointments and meetings are few and far between. This works very well for a person who likes to be spontaneous, and having margin means you can respond quickly to opportunities.

Like a couple of weeks ago: My friend Mark emailed me that he was in town that day. The email came in around 9:00 and we had lunch that day.

That was actually the start of a great week. Tuesday I had coffee with an executive I am coaching. Then had lunch with Jon - one of the Sunday Men.

On Wednesday I spent the afternoon with two more executive coaching clients.

I had lunch with Justin on Thursday. That afternoon, I went to see Toy Story 3 with Laura, Jennifer, Shannon, Landrie & Karsyn (5 of the seven significant ladies in my life).

On Friday afternoon, I had another executive coaching session.

When the week began, I only had 2 things planned. By the end of the week, I'd had one of the best - and fullest - weeks I've had in a while.

There's a lesson here:

Margin provides freedom. But with that freedom comes the responsibility to use it wisely and invest in others.

I think I will call that the stewardship of margin.

The Benefits of Margin - Part 1

These days I have a lot of margin in my schedule. One of the benefits of this is that I am getting a lot of reading done.

I try to vary the reading so that it is balanced: History, Biography, Leadership, Theology, and some novels. Laura always gets concerned when I read with a pencil in my hand. She knows that it is not "light" reading when I underline and write in the margins.

I have also developed the habit of reading more than one book at a time. I have books I read in the morning during my "quiet time." (By the way - I don't like that phrase. Its way too churchy for me, but I don't know what else to call it. If you have suggestions for an alternate label, please let me know). I just finished another of the John MacArthur Old Testament studies - Losing the Promised Land. I am not sure what I will read next in this slot.

Then I have books I read when I am riding the bike at the gym. Yes, I do that - because I need something to keep my mind occupied for 45-60 minutes. The current gym book is What is God Really Like? It is edited by Craig Groeschel and contains several chapters written by pastors who participate in the One Prayer project.

Then I have books I read at night. I read myself a bedtime story. Right now, I am alternating between a novel: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and a biography: John Adams. These books are competing for my attention; the dragon tattoo has been winning the last few days.

After 25 years of being gainfully overemployed, having so much margin has required some adjustments on my part. I am finding a new normal in a schedule that is not packed wall-to-wall with meetings, presentations, and other events. Actually, this new normal fits my preference for non-structured and spontaneous living very well.

I am blessed to have margin.

ROAD TRIP!

“I wish I was in Austin
In the Chili Parlor Bar
Drinkin' Mad Dog Margaritas
And not carin' where you are”

For several years now I have wanted to experience this line from Guy Clark’s Dublin Blues.

Well …

Saturday afternoon Jennifer, Jordan and I drove to Austin to deliver on their birthday present: we had tickets to the Elton John concert Saturday night!

Before the concert we met our friend Nicci for dinner.

Then we drove over to the Erwin center and encountered a huge traffic and parking jam. Fortunately, my dear “Old Friend” Rick provided complementary parking at his facility on San Jacinto. Thanks Rick!

Seeing Elton John was at the top of Jordan’s Bucket List. So, we bought these tickets for her and Jennifer as their birthday present in March. I am not sure I have ever seen so much anticipation and excitement in my life. And when Elton came on stage Saturday night, I was seriously worried for the health and safety of all the people sitting around us!

All the anticipation was well worth it. This concert was by far the greatest live performance I have ever seen. For right at 3 hours, Elton played his guts out. The band actually took a couple of breaks, but he played on. A tremendous performance by a truly gifted artist!

And after the concert ... we went to the Chili Parlor Bar and drank a Mad Dog Margarita!

" A good idea at the time; I won’t be doing that again," but I will sing that line from Guy’s song with special affection from now on.

We Ain't Been Everywhere ... Yet

“As long as they want us we’ll keep coming back
Yeah, we ain’t been everywhere, but we’re trying to get there
Just let us tune up and we’ll throw down a set
Book us a room, we’ll be in your town soon
Cause we ain’t been everywhere … yet”

Those lines are from Verlon Thompson's song Everywhere ...Yet .
He somehow managed to make all of the places he has been with Guy Clark rhyme. I am not that good at poetry, but this song inspired me to think about all of the places I have been. All of the places I have "tuned up and thrown down a set" of research presentations or leadership development workshops.

When I decided to change careers in 1994, I never thought I would have the opportunity to travel. Laura and I were always jealous of our friends who got to go to all these neat places for business trips and conventions. But 15 years later we have been blessed to travel to lots of really neat places … and most of it on someone else’s dime!

As we were coming into Chicago’s O Hare Airport last Thursday, I looked at the maps in the back of the American Way magazine. I made a mental checklist of all of the places we have visited. Even if it doesn't rhyme, its quite a list!

So here’s the list of destinations we have visited:

New York - Boston - Ashville, NC
Charleston, SC - Washington, DC - Richmond, VA
Orlando - Tampa - New Orleans
Atlanta - Chicago - Memphis
San Antonio - Hobbs, NM - Austin
Kansas City, MO - Denver - Phoenix
Seattle - San Francisco - San Jose
Houston -San Diego - Honolulu
Lake Tahoe, NV - Philadelphia - Anaheim, CA
Salt Lake City - Las Vegas - Santa Fe
Houston - Brownfield, TX - Lake Charles, LA

Toronto and Vancouver, Canada
Sao Paulo and Rio de Janiero, Brazil
Helsinki, Finland
Zurich and Basel, Switzerland
Paris, France
London, England
Edinborough, Scotland

Before this I thought international travel was going to Oklahoma!

So ... "Book us a room, we’ll be in your town soon
Cause we ain’t been everywhere … yet”

This Time of Year

This time of year always calls forth a certain amount of nostalgia for me. I will forever equate this time of year with the adolescent right of passage known as two-a-days.

My first experience with two-a-days was in August 1972. As a fourteen year old sophomore I had been called to work out with the varsity at Arlington High. Expectations were high for the 1972 season. After two back-to-back district championships, the Colts were returning several starters and a couple of High School All-Americans. This was back in the day when only one team – the District Champion – went to the playoffs. It was also a time when there were no choices about two-a-days in August or an intense round of spring training. We did both and the start of the August practices was regulated by the UIL.

I will never forget the start of that first practice. Coach Carter called us together under the pecan trees at the north end of the practice field. In his distinct voice, he said:

“Somewhere in the state of Texas today the next state champion is practicing. Last year it was in San Antonio, the year before it was in Austin. ... But somewhere today, the next state champion is practicing. Let’s make it right here!”

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I still get goose bumps telling that story. We didn’t win the state championship, but we did win the district. We didn’t do a lot of winning during my junior or senior years – at least not on the field. But it was during those years with Coach Carter and his best friend, Assistant Coach Bob Howington, that I learned there were more important lessons to be learned. It was under their influence that I began to understand the importance of character.

There are those who are critical of the role of athletics in education. To those critics I would say that I had no classroom teacher that cared more about me as young man than Coach Carter and Coach Howington did. I wasn’t just an athlete to them.

To those critics I would also point out the number of kids that have something to be involved in on Friday nights. Whenever I go to a high school game, I am always impressed by the number of kids that are involved in something bigger than themselves on Friday nights: Band, Cheerleading, Pep Squad, Drill Team, Student Trainers, and Student Managers. And at Euless Trinity High School (where all of my kids went) many of the developmentally challenged kids are a big part of the football game because they serve as ball boys and pick up kicking tees after kickoffs. You can see the joy in their smiles as they participate in the big show.

I think H.G. Bissinger caught the essence of High School Football in the following passage from his book, Friday Night Lights. Let me set the scene for you. The West Texas district had ended in a 3-way tie between Odessa Permian, Midland High, and Midland Lee. The tie-breaker was a coin toss, with the “odd man out.” The Permian and Midland Lee coaches both tossed heads; the Midland coach tossed tails and was the odd man out.

At about 2:45 that Saturday morning the Midland coach spoke to his team after returning from the coin toss at The Convoy Truck Stop: “I told you that we had no control over a coin flip. I wish I could change the way things are, but I can’t. … I’m proud of each and every one of you.”

Then Bissinger writes: “As he tried to console them, there came a sound of high school football as familiar as the cheering, as familiar as the unabashed blare of the band, as familiar as the savage crash of pad against pad.

It was the sound of teenage boys weeping uncontrollably over a segment of their lives that they knew had just ended forever.”

I remember it like it was yesterday.

The New Normal

The nightly news has been running a series called the new normal. The series focuses on how people are coping with the economic crisis and the lack of abundance that many had grown accustomed to.

I have been reflecting on that phrase - the new normal - for a while now. As I have mentioned before, I was blessed to have have been gainfully overemployed for 25 years. I always had more than one gig going at a time. Looking back I am not sure how I managed to juggle it all - but we made it.

I now realize that one result of being gainfully overemployed is I became addicted to action - addicted to busy-ness - and found down time difficult to handle.

And now I am having to adjust to a new normal. The new normal for me is only one job. There aren't multiple roles to juggle, and right now there are no consulting projects to work on.

Without a discipline forced on me from from the outside by an overloaded schedule, I am struggling to develop and maintain a self-imposed discipline. But I am trying. So, here is the schedule of the new normal:

Teach: Saturday morning; Monday night; Tuesday night.

Mondays are devoted to grading papers and prepping for the week's classes.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are set aside for writing projects (yes, blogging counts as a writing activity).

Thursdays and Fridays are intentionally left open for relationships - developing, cultivating, mentoring, people-building.

Saturday: Teaching Power, Influence and Leadership

Sunday: Sabbath rest. This may be the most difficult day of the schedule. I am hard-wired to work, and my default behavior is to grab something to work on. The idea of "Cease striving - or Be Still - and know that I am God" collides hard with the habitual busy-ness developed over the last 25 years.

Its a new normal.

But its a good new normal.

'Tis the Season

July has arrived and brought with it the second birthday season at our house.

Today is Justin's birthday; Tuesday is Janelle's birthday. Later this month is Lamar's birthday, and then my mother's.

We have a similar season in March each year when we celebrate Jennifer and Jordan's birthdays.

And we do celebrate ... and celebrations around here are always centered around food. That's because we have the ultimate hostess in residence - Lolly. She has the gift of hospitality on steroids!

We actually had Justin's birthday feast last night (because the maids are coming today!).

It was a feast that rivaled the Father's Day Feast: Rib-eye steaks (seasoned by Lolly to a level of perfection that the famous steak houses have yet to approach), Lolly's special "stuffed" cheese potatoes, Caesar salad with Lolly's homemade croutons, and Sister Schubert's rolls. The steaks were accompanied by the steak sauce Lolly created.

Now most people would focus on the main entree (in this case the rib-eyes) as the feature of the meal. But all of that was just the warm-up act. The real focus of the meal is the dessert. And last night we had two "Specialties of the House" - Strawberry Cake and PTA Pie.

This Sunday we will celebrate Janelle's Birthday with another feast. But, we're going to let the fine folks at Babe's do the work on Sunday.

Are you hungry yet?

Are You a Plugger?

Like most of you, I have my long-time favorites on the cartoon pages of the newspaper: Blondie, Shoe, Family Circus, and the "Love is..." single frame.



Another of my favorites is Pluggers. On several occasions, the Plugger really hits close to home. A few weeks ago, the plugger was eating his ice cream straight out of the container. The caption read, "A plugger thinks a single serving container is a half gallon."



Lolly reminded me of that Friday night when I chose to finish of the Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla by just adding my chocolate syrup to the ice cream that was left in the container.



Well, the plugger hit way (or should I say "weigh") too close to home with this one:




I still have my old jersey... and the number is 53... and I don't know how in the world it fit over those shoulder pads.

Rant No More

I have a rant button. Certain topics trigger a script that seems to emerge automatically.

I have decided - with some helpful insight and feedback from Laura - that these rants just aren't very pretty.

Some of you know these scripts. In fact, you could quote me verbatim.

(As a matter of fact, you probably do imitations of me when you are with your brother and sisters. And your asking yourself right now: "How did he know that?")

So, I have made a mid-year (perhaps a mid-life resolution):

I will no longer rant when these topics come up.

I realize that for some of you my going public is a "throw down" challenge. You plan to see how strong my commitment is.

Others are asking: "I wonder what those buttons are?"

Well, here they are. (This is not a rant; it's just a list of the things that used to push my button and why):

Ronald Reagan: Over-rated; rhetoric did not match with reality. (Now before you rant at me for having ranted about Reagan, please read Sleepwalking Through History by Haynes Johnson and James David Barber's classic, The Presidential Character. And by the way... I voted for him twice.)


Kareem Abdul Jabar: "Kareem asked Coach Jerry West how many minutes he would be playing in today's playoff game, so he would know how to pace himself." I thought there was only one pace when you were in the game. My bad.


Jerry Jones: Fired Tom Landry on the golf course; winning more important than character.


Chop Blocking: When the offensive line averages 300+ and they run 4.8 40's, you don't need to chop anybody. Just drive them out of there!


OK. I may waver some on that last one when the high school football season starts up. My son-in-law will be coaching the offensive line this fall. He has promised me that they will not chop-block.

Don't push my button!

Soccer Memories

It’s been a long time since I bundled up to go watch a soccer game.

Last Saturday, my granddaughter – Landrie – played her first soccer game. I bundled up in my heaviest coat and ear muffs and stood in the cold to watch her.

And a flood of memories were unleashed. You see, Landrie’s game was at the same YMCA where Jennifer (Landrie’s mom), Justin, Jordan, and Janelle all played their first soccer games.

Maybe we should say it’s where they were first on a soccer field with a soccer ball and another team. If you’ve ever observed this, its hard to call it soccer – maybe herd ball would be better. I can still remember that Jordan and her cousin Kyndra were more interested in chasing the butterflies than the soccer ball.

The soccer fields were right next to the baseball fields where Jennifer and Justin played their first t-ball games. I remembered the game when Jennifer was in the pitcher position and was hit hard in the stomach by a line drive. She picked the ball up and threw to Justin covering first base and made the out. Then, she started crying. Always make the play! I also remembered the time when the bases were loaded and one of the kid's dad told him that the “weight of the free world was on his shoulders” as he stepped to the tee.

Janelle was at those games too. A bald headed baby girl. To make sure everyone knew she was a girl, Laura glued a little bow on her head. (Our babies always had bows; well, not Justin…) All of the kids inherited my complexion and tan very easily. So, Janelle’s little bald head was tanned nicely – except for the bow shaped untanned spot!

So here I was last Saturday. All bundled up with my back to the north wind, trying to watch Landrie’s game amidst the flood of memories that were washing through my head.

Legacy Season

I have been teaching a lot of Legacy stuff this spring, so I decided to label the Spring of 2009 “Legacy Season.”

In January we kicked off a new class at Fellowship Church called A Marriage That Lasts. The foundation for the course was a book called Legacy Now. Throughout that class we focused on the idea of legacy. We examined how our legacy past has impacted who we are today. Then, we focused on the fact that how we live today – legacy now – will determine our future legacy.

In January we also kicked off a new format for investing in men that we call influence groups. The curriculum for that 6 week series was the Legacy Leadership material I have been developing.

That was a great assignment because my major sabbatical project is to convert the Legacy Leadership workshop into a book. As an extrovert, I have to talk in order to think. And I am discovering that in order to write, I have to teach. So teaching through the material again has helped me clarify my thinking as I write.

Last week, Janelle arranged for me to come to Hardin-Simmons to deliver a guest lecture in her Business Ethics class. I talked about Legacy Leadership.

And yesterday, Jennifer invited me to speak at the Bell High School Career Day. I delivered 3 sessions of talks about … Legacy Leadership.

So it has been a Legacy Season!

"Sir"

I have never been one for the formality of language. I didn’t say “yes, sir” and “no, ma'am” to my parents when I was a kid. And we didn’t insist that our kids do that with us.

Interestingly, they always did this with other adults.

I know some people think that’s a sign of respect, but I am just not that hung up about it.

I don’t insist that people refer to me as “Doctor” either. In fact my students call me by my first name…even the freshmen call me by my first name. It rankles some of my colleagues who demand that students show respect.

If you want to be respected, you need to be respectable. And if you are, people will respect you. If you have to demand that others respect you, then something’s missing.

This week I ran into a young friend of mine twice. Jeff is twenty years younger than I am. And every time I see him, I am reminded of a conversation we had a few years ago.

We had gone out to eat with Jeff and his wife. The parking lot at Northpark Mall was crowded and we knew we would have to park way out, so we dropped our wives off at the door. As Jeff and I were walking to the restaurant, I said something and Jeff responded, “Yes, sir.”

I said, “Jeff, don’t call me sir. You make me feel old.”

Jeff grinned and said, “You are old, sir.”