Today marks the end of my first of 4 months on sabbatical.
It has been very refreshing to get away from the grind, to have time to think, write, reflect, and read. Here's the list of books I read this month:
Wild Goose Chase, Mark Batterson
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee (re-read)
I Do Again, Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs
Axiom: Powerful Leadership Proverbs, Bill Hybels
What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception, Scott McClennan
The Measure of a Man, Gene Getz
Culture Making: Recovering Our Creative Calling, Andy Crouch
Faith in the Halls of Power: How Evangelicals Joined the American Elite, D. Michael Lindsay
Life with God: Reading the Bible for Spiritual Transformation, Richard Foster
A pretty varied list: Novel, Politics, Biblical Spirituality, Sociology, Leadership, and Marriage. This is typical. I try to read a variety of genres. This helps me develop and maintaining what I call "critical multiplism." Critical multiplism is the idea of examining any topic from a variety of perspectives rather than through only one perspective.
I think reading comes with the calling of a teacher. In fact, I think those of us who teach have a moral obligation to be current. I agree with Howard Hendricks that I would rather my students drink from a running stream than a stagnant pond.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Atticus and Leland
I love to read, and I average about a book a week. Of course, being on sabbatical gives me even more time to read and I am busting the average this month with 8 completed so far. And this year, I am keeping a list of the books I read. I have promised to do this for several years, but I am actually doing it this year.
I rarely read a book more than once. There are some notable exceptions, however. The following is a list of books that I have read multiple times:
Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey
The Best and the Brightest, David Halberstam
Visioneering, Andy Stanley
And most recently, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
What a great story…and a great movie starring Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. Atticus is a man of tremendous character who swims against the tide of small-town, southern attitudes in the depression era (and beyond). He is full of wisdom and is highly respected by everyone in town, even when he has to oppose them.
There’s a great piece of advice for all of us page 59 when Atticus tells his daughter Scout to "delete the adjectives and she would have the facts."
One of the plots of the book revolves around Tom Robinson. Tom is a young black man who has been falsely accused of attacking and raping a white woman. The entire town wanted to skip the judicial process and simply lynch Tom, but Atticus stood them down on the courthouse steps late one night when they came to get Tom out of jail. In spite of Atticus' excellent defense, Tom had no chance with the all-white jury and they convicted him.
Every time I watch the movie or read the book, I get emotional during the scene at the end of Tom Robinson’s trial when Atticus is leaving the courtroom. His children have observed the trial from the balcony with the Negroes who were there to support Tom. I will let Scout pick up the narrative here:
“Atticus took his coat off the back of his chair and pulled it over his shoulder. Then he left the courtroom, but not by his usual exit. He must have wanted to go home the short way, because he walked quickly down the middle aisle toward the south exit. I followed the top of his head as he made his way to the door. He did not look up.
Someone was punching me, but I was reluctant to take my eyes from the people below us, and from the image of Atticus’ lonely walk down the aisle.
‘Miss Jean Louise?’
I looked around. They were standing. All around us and in the balcony on the opposite wall, the Negroes were getting on their feet. Reverend Sykes’s voice was as distant as Judge Taylor’s:
‘Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passin.’”
Another thing happens when I read or watch To Kill a Mockingbird. I can’t help but see similarities between Atticus and my own father, Leland. Like Atticus, Leland took unpopular stands on behalf of the Negroes he worked with and who worked for him in West Texas. He told me of a time in Haskell when one of the white men in town was going to beat up the black man who worked for my dad at his service station. The man thought that the Negro had not shown him proper respect. He accused the Negro of saying “huh?” when he had asked a question. The white guy was going to “kick that N..’s ass.” My Dad told him he would have to kick his first. The man couldn’t believe my dad was defending a Negro, but the incident passed with everyone’s backside intact.
Several years later in Odessa, my dad had 5 full-service gas stations (Some of you have no idea what those are). He decided to put a black man named Wendell in charge of the one in wealthiest part of town. Everyone told my dad that he couldn’t do that and that it wouldn’t work. His response was something like “hide and watch.” And it did work. The people in the area loved and respected Wendell, as my dad did.
As a child, I used to spend a week or so with my grandparents in Breckenridge each summer. My dad’s mother used to take me to “town” with her. I was always embarrassed when she introduced me to the people in the stores. She would pat me on the shoulder as she said,
“Now, this is Leland’s boy.”
That doesn’t embarrass me anymore.
I rarely read a book more than once. There are some notable exceptions, however. The following is a list of books that I have read multiple times:
Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey
The Best and the Brightest, David Halberstam
Visioneering, Andy Stanley
And most recently, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
What a great story…and a great movie starring Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. Atticus is a man of tremendous character who swims against the tide of small-town, southern attitudes in the depression era (and beyond). He is full of wisdom and is highly respected by everyone in town, even when he has to oppose them.
There’s a great piece of advice for all of us page 59 when Atticus tells his daughter Scout to "delete the adjectives and she would have the facts."
One of the plots of the book revolves around Tom Robinson. Tom is a young black man who has been falsely accused of attacking and raping a white woman. The entire town wanted to skip the judicial process and simply lynch Tom, but Atticus stood them down on the courthouse steps late one night when they came to get Tom out of jail. In spite of Atticus' excellent defense, Tom had no chance with the all-white jury and they convicted him.
Every time I watch the movie or read the book, I get emotional during the scene at the end of Tom Robinson’s trial when Atticus is leaving the courtroom. His children have observed the trial from the balcony with the Negroes who were there to support Tom. I will let Scout pick up the narrative here:
“Atticus took his coat off the back of his chair and pulled it over his shoulder. Then he left the courtroom, but not by his usual exit. He must have wanted to go home the short way, because he walked quickly down the middle aisle toward the south exit. I followed the top of his head as he made his way to the door. He did not look up.
Someone was punching me, but I was reluctant to take my eyes from the people below us, and from the image of Atticus’ lonely walk down the aisle.
‘Miss Jean Louise?’
I looked around. They were standing. All around us and in the balcony on the opposite wall, the Negroes were getting on their feet. Reverend Sykes’s voice was as distant as Judge Taylor’s:
‘Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passin.’”
Another thing happens when I read or watch To Kill a Mockingbird. I can’t help but see similarities between Atticus and my own father, Leland. Like Atticus, Leland took unpopular stands on behalf of the Negroes he worked with and who worked for him in West Texas. He told me of a time in Haskell when one of the white men in town was going to beat up the black man who worked for my dad at his service station. The man thought that the Negro had not shown him proper respect. He accused the Negro of saying “huh?” when he had asked a question. The white guy was going to “kick that N..’s ass.” My Dad told him he would have to kick his first. The man couldn’t believe my dad was defending a Negro, but the incident passed with everyone’s backside intact.
Several years later in Odessa, my dad had 5 full-service gas stations (Some of you have no idea what those are). He decided to put a black man named Wendell in charge of the one in wealthiest part of town. Everyone told my dad that he couldn’t do that and that it wouldn’t work. His response was something like “hide and watch.” And it did work. The people in the area loved and respected Wendell, as my dad did.
As a child, I used to spend a week or so with my grandparents in Breckenridge each summer. My dad’s mother used to take me to “town” with her. I was always embarrassed when she introduced me to the people in the stores. She would pat me on the shoulder as she said,
“Now, this is Leland’s boy.”
That doesn’t embarrass me anymore.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Lead Where You Are
In my first blog post, I said I would tell you the Phil K story. Here it is…
It was the worst class I have had in my 25 years of teaching. It was a small class of about 17 or so…usually a good number. And I was teaching one of my favorite subjects - organizational behavior. But, many of these students were employed at a local defense manufacturer and they were the most negative, most cynical group of students I have ever encountered. This group was a major downer. We were only a few weeks into the term when I got to where I dreaded Tuesday nights.
Every week we would discuss the topics and as usual I always peppered the discussion with stories from my days with the “Bohicans” ("bend over, here it comes again") or some insight from one of my consulting projects. But every practical application I shared was met with an attitude and some form of “That’s great, but that would never work at our place.”
The second to the last week of class Phil K said, “You’ve worked in and with lots of organizations, done lots of research, and have been teaching this stuff for a while. Tell us what works.” Well, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “I’ve been telling you what works all semester, but y’all don’t want hear it.” Instead, I said to myself, “OK, one more time, maybe they’ll get it this time.”
So I started in with transformational leadership, goal-setting, job enrichment. All the “stuff that works” that had solid research support and techniques I had often used myself. As soon as I began, Phil started shaking his head, as did several others in the class.
And I lost it.
I had never done this before, and haven’t done it since then, but I came totally unglued. I walked right up to the closest desk (lucky for Phil he was on the second row) and yelled,
“You guys have told me all semester long about how miserable your situation is, how bad it is. And every time I make a suggestion, you tell me all the reasons why my suggestion won’t work in your organization. Well, let me tell you something, IF IT’S AS BAD AS YOU SAY IT IS YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES: 1)DO WHAT I'VE SUGGESTED, 2)LEAVE AND GO WORK SOME PLACE ELSE, OR 3) SHUT UP!
I know you’re not the CEO and you may not be able to change the entire organization, but dad gummit, you can make a difference in your sphere of influence. So, either do this stuff, leave, or shut up!”
Well, I was pretty sure that would be my last semester. I wasn’t tenured and just knew the students would be complaining to the dean the next day. So, I made a preemptive strike and told the dean what had happened. He was actually proud of me and told me not to worry about it. The last week of class passed uneventfully ... after all, what else could I say?
The next semester I ran into Phil K in the stairwell on my way to class. I couldn’t avoid him or pretend I didn’t see him. We were face to face. I said rather sheepishly, “Hey, Phil.”
He responded with “It’s good to see you. As a matter of fact, I have a long email I have been working on to send to you.” I said, “Yeah, I bet you do.” He said, “No, it’s not like that at all…remember that night you kind of, well, went off on us?” “Yeah I remember,” I said even more sheepishly.
“Well,” continued Phil, “when I saw how passionate you were about what you were saying, I decided to take you up on it. I bought that book we used (A Company of Leaders) for every member of my team and we started reading and discussing one chapter every Thursday afternoon. The team thought it was kind of hokey at first, but I stuck with it – allowed myself the discomfort, as you had taught us. And you know what – it changed our organization! We have VP’s coming to observe my team, and when there are openings in other parts of the plant, managers ask my people to apply. It has changed everything!”
I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe it. Phil took another class with me before he graduated. On the first day of class, I told our story. A friend of Phil’s spoke up when I finished and said, “That’s not the whole story. The rest of the story is that Phil won a corporate-wide award for his leadership.”
Wow, all because I kind of went off.
I run into a lot of people who hide behind the fact that they don’t have a title that gives them some formal authority base. And frankly, that stuff makes me tired. Just like Phil K did, we all can make a difference in our sphere of influence.
So, allow yourself the discomfort and lead where you are.
It was the worst class I have had in my 25 years of teaching. It was a small class of about 17 or so…usually a good number. And I was teaching one of my favorite subjects - organizational behavior. But, many of these students were employed at a local defense manufacturer and they were the most negative, most cynical group of students I have ever encountered. This group was a major downer. We were only a few weeks into the term when I got to where I dreaded Tuesday nights.
Every week we would discuss the topics and as usual I always peppered the discussion with stories from my days with the “Bohicans” ("bend over, here it comes again") or some insight from one of my consulting projects. But every practical application I shared was met with an attitude and some form of “That’s great, but that would never work at our place.”
The second to the last week of class Phil K said, “You’ve worked in and with lots of organizations, done lots of research, and have been teaching this stuff for a while. Tell us what works.” Well, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “I’ve been telling you what works all semester, but y’all don’t want hear it.” Instead, I said to myself, “OK, one more time, maybe they’ll get it this time.”
So I started in with transformational leadership, goal-setting, job enrichment. All the “stuff that works” that had solid research support and techniques I had often used myself. As soon as I began, Phil started shaking his head, as did several others in the class.
And I lost it.
I had never done this before, and haven’t done it since then, but I came totally unglued. I walked right up to the closest desk (lucky for Phil he was on the second row) and yelled,
“You guys have told me all semester long about how miserable your situation is, how bad it is. And every time I make a suggestion, you tell me all the reasons why my suggestion won’t work in your organization. Well, let me tell you something, IF IT’S AS BAD AS YOU SAY IT IS YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES: 1)DO WHAT I'VE SUGGESTED, 2)LEAVE AND GO WORK SOME PLACE ELSE, OR 3) SHUT UP!
I know you’re not the CEO and you may not be able to change the entire organization, but dad gummit, you can make a difference in your sphere of influence. So, either do this stuff, leave, or shut up!”
Well, I was pretty sure that would be my last semester. I wasn’t tenured and just knew the students would be complaining to the dean the next day. So, I made a preemptive strike and told the dean what had happened. He was actually proud of me and told me not to worry about it. The last week of class passed uneventfully ... after all, what else could I say?
The next semester I ran into Phil K in the stairwell on my way to class. I couldn’t avoid him or pretend I didn’t see him. We were face to face. I said rather sheepishly, “Hey, Phil.”
He responded with “It’s good to see you. As a matter of fact, I have a long email I have been working on to send to you.” I said, “Yeah, I bet you do.” He said, “No, it’s not like that at all…remember that night you kind of, well, went off on us?” “Yeah I remember,” I said even more sheepishly.
“Well,” continued Phil, “when I saw how passionate you were about what you were saying, I decided to take you up on it. I bought that book we used (A Company of Leaders) for every member of my team and we started reading and discussing one chapter every Thursday afternoon. The team thought it was kind of hokey at first, but I stuck with it – allowed myself the discomfort, as you had taught us. And you know what – it changed our organization! We have VP’s coming to observe my team, and when there are openings in other parts of the plant, managers ask my people to apply. It has changed everything!”
I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe it. Phil took another class with me before he graduated. On the first day of class, I told our story. A friend of Phil’s spoke up when I finished and said, “That’s not the whole story. The rest of the story is that Phil won a corporate-wide award for his leadership.”
Wow, all because I kind of went off.
I run into a lot of people who hide behind the fact that they don’t have a title that gives them some formal authority base. And frankly, that stuff makes me tired. Just like Phil K did, we all can make a difference in our sphere of influence.
So, allow yourself the discomfort and lead where you are.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"An easy read, but not easy to read"
I sat across the table from Jeff as he poured his heart out about a struggle he was having. He had finished his MBA and was now working at a high-paced start up operation. All the time he thought he would be able to devote to his wife and family after the MBA was completed was now being consumed by his job. And his wife was getting the leftovers.
As I listened, I could relate. In spite of my mentor’s intervention in the early stages of my career, I have struggled with this throughout my 30-year marriage. Jeff’s story was my story.
I looked across the table at Jeff and said, “There’s a book I want you to read. It’s an easy read, but it is not easy to read.” The book was Andy Stanley’s Choosing to Cheat. And much of what I have been sharing with y’all on my blog is based on that book.
Here are some other resources that may be helpful if you are struggling with your “work-life balance”:
Several books by Doug Sherman and William Hendricks helped me formulate my thinking on what God’s view of success looked like:
Your Work Matters to God
How to Succeed Where it Really Counts
How to Balance Competing Time Demands
A great resource that helped me understand that my whole life was to be lived as an act of worship is John MacArthur’s Worship: The Ultimate Priority.
With those recommendations, I must also issue a word of caution:
Sometimes we substitute reading and learning about a subject for doing what we know we need to do.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 3
I thought I would only have two parts to this Only Cheaters Win idea, but Kara asked a great question in her comment, so I decided to add part 3.
Here's how I see this playing out: We make a commitment, and often part of our commitment is making a plan. Remember, we need to make sure we don't leave God out of this planning process. In Daniel's case, his plan included "seeking permission" for his commitment (really a challenge) and God's hand was on the situation.
I think Kara shows some great self-awareness in recognizing her tendency to plan and then commit. But sometimes, we need to make the commitment even without a plan, and ask God to help us develop the plan.
We also need to be careful that we don't substitute "planning" for making a commitment we know we should make. This amounts to "work avoidance" and is a subtle way of keeping us from making some hard decisions we need to make.
As I write that, I am reminded of Craig Groeschel's admonition: "The gap between where you are and where God wants you to be is the hard decision you refuse to make."
(Sometimes I wish I had never heard that!)
In the workplace, we need to always do our work in a way that honors God. And a big part of that is to submit to the authority that is over us. That's where the "seeking permission" part comes in.
So commit-with or without a plan- pray, seek permission, and watch the "Now God" moments unfold.
Here's how I see this playing out: We make a commitment, and often part of our commitment is making a plan. Remember, we need to make sure we don't leave God out of this planning process. In Daniel's case, his plan included "seeking permission" for his commitment (really a challenge) and God's hand was on the situation.
I think Kara shows some great self-awareness in recognizing her tendency to plan and then commit. But sometimes, we need to make the commitment even without a plan, and ask God to help us develop the plan.
We also need to be careful that we don't substitute "planning" for making a commitment we know we should make. This amounts to "work avoidance" and is a subtle way of keeping us from making some hard decisions we need to make.
As I write that, I am reminded of Craig Groeschel's admonition: "The gap between where you are and where God wants you to be is the hard decision you refuse to make."
(Sometimes I wish I had never heard that!)
In the workplace, we need to always do our work in a way that honors God. And a big part of that is to submit to the authority that is over us. That's where the "seeking permission" part comes in.
So commit-with or without a plan- pray, seek permission, and watch the "Now God" moments unfold.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 2
Are you ready to cheat?
Given the importance of cheating, let me provide some clarification of what I am talking about. When we cheat we are making a trade-off decision. We are choosing to give up one thing in hopes of gaining something else of greater value. So in terms of this broad definition, we are all cheaters. Everyday we make decisions to give something up in order to gain something else or to do something else.
If we are really honest, many of us are choosing to spend our physical and emotional energy in our work, and we are cheating our spouses and our families. The sad thing is they are often codependents who enable us to cheat them. We get wrapped up in a project, in an important client engagement, a season of intense work commitments and they “understand.”
They love us and they want to be supportive. They are mentally willing to support us.
While I was investing myself in in getting my MBA and growing my career during the early years of our marriage, Laura was at home juggling two, then three, then four children who were under 7 years old. She understood. She was emotionally willing. But, if left to that course, eventually her emotional willingness would be overcome by physical exhaustion.
The truth is, she was being cheated and she was only getting the leftovers.
So let me ask you some questions:
Given the importance of cheating, let me provide some clarification of what I am talking about. When we cheat we are making a trade-off decision. We are choosing to give up one thing in hopes of gaining something else of greater value. So in terms of this broad definition, we are all cheaters. Everyday we make decisions to give something up in order to gain something else or to do something else.
If we are really honest, many of us are choosing to spend our physical and emotional energy in our work, and we are cheating our spouses and our families. The sad thing is they are often codependents who enable us to cheat them. We get wrapped up in a project, in an important client engagement, a season of intense work commitments and they “understand.”
They love us and they want to be supportive. They are mentally willing to support us.
While I was investing myself in in getting my MBA and growing my career during the early years of our marriage, Laura was at home juggling two, then three, then four children who were under 7 years old. She understood. She was emotionally willing. But, if left to that course, eventually her emotional willingness would be overcome by physical exhaustion.
The truth is, she was being cheated and she was only getting the leftovers.
So let me ask you some questions:
- Where are you cheating?
- Who are you cheating?
- Who feels cheated?
Are you squirming yet? Getting a little uncomfortable –maybe, even a lot?
Good.
Now, that I have created some tension in your system, let me take some pressure off: Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not your organization skills. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble into the best time management techniques. And the problem is not that your spouse demands too much from you.
THE PROBLEM IS: There is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced – or others have convinced you – needs to get done. There is just not enough time in your day to be all things to all people.
THE SOLUTION is we need to learn how cheat with purpose, to cheat by design. We need to become strategic cheaters. We need to learn to cheat according to our greatest purpose. Strategic cheating is all about setting priorities based on God’s principles.
A “Now God” Moment
In order to get some insight into strategic cheating, I would like us to look briefly at the life of an Old Testament hero named Daniel.
The story unfolds in Daniel 1. Daniel was faced with a similar dilemma that we are. He was faced with a decision that would require him to either cheat his earthly king or cheat his heavenly Father. Without knowing how it would play out, Daniel made a commitment. He decided to cheat the king so he could honor God. Notice, he made the commitment before he knew how he would implement it.
But I want you to also notice what happened immediately after Daniel made his commitment. God showed up! It was a “Now God…” moment!
“But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king's choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself. Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials.” (Daniel 1:8-9)
When Daniel made the commitment to live by God’s principles, God showed up to clear the path. When we are willing to set our priorities and make commitments that honor God, He is willing to touch down in the midst of our personal chaos and bring the order and balance we so desperately need.
If we are to be strategic cheaters, we need to follow Daniel’s pattern:
- Make a Commitment
- Develop a Plan
- Set up a Trial
I have no doubt hit a sensitive issue for many of you. I would like to encourage you to make a commitment before you leave this blog. Commit to re-prioritizing your schedule according to God’s principles.
As you make this commitment, I want to encourage you not to substitute a condition for a commitment. Don’t say “when we finish this project I will change my schedule”, or “if I can just win this account, I will back off” or "When this semester is over." When we make our commitments conditional, we are saying that our spouse is not really the priority after all. Make your commitment an unconditional commitment.
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Like Daniel, we need to develop a plan. And like Daniel we need to set up a test. Don’t make a lifelong commitment, make a 30 day commitment.
And like Daniel, we need to make the commitment before we know how it will be implemented. And when we do, we set ourselves up for a “Now God” moment.
You see, when we surrender our will to the Heavenly Father, he takes responsibility for the outcome of the journey.
Are you ready to trade merely surviving for thriving?
Start cheating!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 1
I was the fair-haired boy, the chosen protégé of our founder and CEO. I had been hired one semester short of completing my MBA by a small manufacturing and distribution company. They had never had an MBA working for them and didn’t know exactly what to do with me. So, I got to do a lot of everything. I was on the fast track. Promotions and increased responsibility came fast. And the CEO took me under his wing and began to mentor me. It was a great post-graduate education and the responsibility and attention I was receiving were huge ego boosters.
Then I got caught cheating.
The CEO came to my office and shut the door as he entered the room. He had a look on his face that I had not seen before. He was very serious and said, “I need to talk to you. You are working late every night, you’re taking work home with you, and you’re here on the weekends…You’re working too hard and I want you to cut it out.”
I said, “Well we have a lot going on. We have this new information system we’re implementing and the inventory project really needs a lot of attention.”
His response was very firm: “This business is a fleeting thing and that woman at home is not.”
I said, “She understands. She knows we have a lot going on…”
I barely had the sentence out, before he pounded his fist on my desk and said, “Damnit, I said cut it out! You think she understands and then one day you go home and she meets you at the door with her bags packed as she is leaving because she doesn’t understand anymore. It happened to me and I don’t want it to happen to you.”
I got caught cheating. Jim saw what I didn’t see. I was pouring all of my physical and emotional energy into my work. Even when I was home I wasn’t really there. I was giving the best of me to my job and I was cheating Laura. My employer was getting the best of me and Laura was getting nothing but the leftovers.
Let’s face it. We all cheat. If our marriage has lost its passion, it’s because we are cheating. But here’s the paradox. If we want our marriages to move from merely surviving to thriving - we have to cheat.
You see, the only way to take our marriage to a “hole nuther level” is to cheat. When it comes to having a thriving marriage, ONLY CHEATERS WIN!
Then I got caught cheating.
The CEO came to my office and shut the door as he entered the room. He had a look on his face that I had not seen before. He was very serious and said, “I need to talk to you. You are working late every night, you’re taking work home with you, and you’re here on the weekends…You’re working too hard and I want you to cut it out.”
I said, “Well we have a lot going on. We have this new information system we’re implementing and the inventory project really needs a lot of attention.”
His response was very firm: “This business is a fleeting thing and that woman at home is not.”
I said, “She understands. She knows we have a lot going on…”
I barely had the sentence out, before he pounded his fist on my desk and said, “Damnit, I said cut it out! You think she understands and then one day you go home and she meets you at the door with her bags packed as she is leaving because she doesn’t understand anymore. It happened to me and I don’t want it to happen to you.”
I got caught cheating. Jim saw what I didn’t see. I was pouring all of my physical and emotional energy into my work. Even when I was home I wasn’t really there. I was giving the best of me to my job and I was cheating Laura. My employer was getting the best of me and Laura was getting nothing but the leftovers.
Let’s face it. We all cheat. If our marriage has lost its passion, it’s because we are cheating. But here’s the paradox. If we want our marriages to move from merely surviving to thriving - we have to cheat.
You see, the only way to take our marriage to a “hole nuther level” is to cheat. When it comes to having a thriving marriage, ONLY CHEATERS WIN!
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