Finishing Weird

You don't have to be around me for very long before I mention one of my heroes: Coach Carter.

I had the privilege of playing for him when he was the head coach at Arlington High. He's a legend in my mind. As part of the "greatest generation," he landed on Normandy Beach on D-Day. After WW2, he became a teacher and a coach. He began his career at Wichita Falls during the time when Wichita Falls was a football powerhouse like Odessa Permian, Southlake Carrol, and Euless Trinity have been in more recent years.

Football was so dominant at Wichita Falls that they didn't have a a basketball coach. Each year the coaching staff drew straws to determine who would coach the basketball team that year. One year, Coach Carter drew the straw, but confessed he knew nothing about basketball. Fortunately, the legendary Henry Iba was holding a clinic the weekend before the season began, so Coach Carter went to Oklahoma to hear him. During the Q&A session, someone asked Iba what the keys to his success were. He responded that there were two things his teams did. First, they didn't let anyone drive the lane. Coach Carter's hand shot up with a question, "What's the lane?" Everyone laughed, but Iba realized the question was sincere and patiently answered the question. Then he proceeded to his second key which was "We do a whole lot of checking on defense." Again Coach Carter raised his hand, "What's checking?"

The following Monday the basketball team assembled for their first practice. Coach Carter told them, "We may not do much else this year, but we're going to do two things! First, we're not going to let anyone drive the lane. And second, we're going to do a whole lot of checking on defense." That year his basketball team lost the state championship by two points.

I asked Coach Carter if he ever thought about coaching at the college level. "Only once," he replied. "Darrell called. He wanted me to coach the secondary at Texas. I actually thought about it for two days."

Coach Carter "retired" in 1981 and moved to Marlowe, Oklahoma. Once he settled there, he began volunteering as a football and track coach. He is now 89 years old and still coaching.

In 2002, the Marlowe track complex was named the "Bill Carter Track-and-Field Complex."

Friday September 3, 2010 was designated Bill Carter Day in the state of Oklahoma.

He still competes in the Senior Olympics and sets world records for his age group each year. And all of this he has done since he "retired" !

Last year an Oklahoma TV station did a story on Coach Carter.


In his book, Halftime, Bob Buford observes that we tend to spend the first half of our lives trying to be successful. Then, in the second half we start focusing on being significant. I would add that even that is weird.

Most of the people I know, simply check out when their kids leave the nest. They defer to younger people to do the work and the volunteering, often times claiming they had paid their dues and its someone else's turn.

That's normal. But, we are called to be weird! To live weird, and to finish weird - because normal doesn't work.

Coach Carter is weird! At a time when others have not just moved to the sidelines, but have retired to the bleachers as observers, he is still in the game!

I want to be like Coach Carter, finishing strong, finishing weird.

Because normal isn't working.

Zem's Rule

I had a meltdown a few weeks ago.

The catalyst for the meltdown was an overwhelming feeling of technological incompetence. You see, I was preparing to teach on-line for the first time in my life and although I have all of the content for the course, I am really challenged around the technology and all of the details associated with the course design.

I felt alone, incompetent, and absolutely incapable of taking the very next step on the project. In fact, I had no clue what the very next step might be.

And I had a meltdown. Ready to quit, throw in the towel, and pretty sure that I was probably not qualified to ever teach again, on-line or otherwise.

In the midst of it all I reached out for help. My colleagues that had been through this same territory were patient with me. They encouraged me, they showed me what to do, and they patiently answered the same questions over and over again.

Its all really funny now. The course development is complete, and I think its going to be a great course.

Looking back, I am reminded of the advice my friend Zem once gave me:

"The crisis that you think will end it all on Monday

will be over by Thursday."

Well, the crisis lasted a little more than 4 days; but it is over now!

The sun continued to rise, I walked through the discomfort, I was not alone, and I will be a better teacher because of the process.

I often tell my students to "allow yourself the discomfort." Through this experience, I was reminded of how difficult it is to follow that advice.

I was also reminded of how valuable that advice is.

A Special Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for and I am intentional about cultivating a spirit of gratitude throughout the year.

But Thanksgiving prompts us to focus even more on our blessings.

This year Thanksgiving falls on November 24, which happens to be my 33rd anniversary. So, its a special Thanksgiving because in addition to giving thanks for all of my blessings, I get to celebrate 33 years of marriage with the love of my life!

Thank you Lord for bringing her into my life!

Thank you Laura for being in my life!

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than human tongue can tell and that's all

I don’t love you much do I?
Remember how I kissed you in the hall

See how it sparkles in my eyes
I couldn’t hide it if I tried- that’s right

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than anything else in this whole world

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than all the stars in the sky

I don’t love you much do I?
I think you hung the moon and that’s alright

I don’t love you much do I?
You can feel it all the way across the room

I don’t love you much do I?
Like the spring doesn’t make the flowers bloom

I don’t love you much do I?

I'd follow you to hell and back again

I don’t love you much do I?
Just watch me light up when you walk in

Tis the Season

Holidays are upon us. They always seem to sneak up on me, even when I know they're coming.

But that's not the season I am referring to.

Its the "second season" of High School football: Playoffs!

Yesterday I finished my last class of the trimester and headed to the stadium to see Euless Trinity play Allen. We (TRINITY!) eliminated them last year in the same round of the playoffs and they were highly rated - #2 in the state polls. We're only ranked 3rd.

Both teams were undefeated and its a shame two top teams have to meet in Round 2. Somebody's season was coming to an end.

But not Trinity's!

We prevailed with a dominating rushing attack (522 yards rushing). Our tailback had 356 yards on 33 carries. The offensive line was very OFFENSIVE!

Every week will be difficult from now on out. But it doesn't get any better than this. High school football is the purest form of the game. The players aren't recruited and they don't get paid.

And the best football played in the stadium over in Arlington will again be on Fridays and Saturdays in November and December!

One More Time: What's Your Motive?

I keep coming back to this question. I keep asking it of others because I need to keep asking it of myself.

What's Your Motive?

Let's drill down some on this by asking the following questions:

• Why are you planing to do this?


• What's the reason behind your doing that?


• Why did you say yes (or no)?


• What's your motive for writing that letter?


• Why are you excited about this new opportunity?


• Why did you post that on your Facebook?


• Why did you tell that story?


• Why do you count the number of books you read each year?


• Why did you mention his or her name?


• What causes you to bring up that subject?

What is your motive?

Readings for Leading

Several weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting a man I think is one of the greatest communicators and leaders I have ever known. Getting to meet him personally was a great honor. And his personal humility was refreshing. During our brief conversation, he asked me “What leadership books should I be reading that I haven’t read yet?”

I didn't give a very good answer at the moment, but I thought about it for a couple of days and then sent an email to a member of his leadership team.

It’s a pretty good list for all of us who are interested in leadership, so I thought I would share it with you as well.

One of the best "spiritual" leadership books I have ever read is J.I. Packer's book on Nehemiah, Passion for Faithfulness: Wisdom from the Book of Nehemiah. The intro was challenging, but when he gets into the book of Nehemiah it is great!

Other "spiritual" leadership book recommendations:

Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership

Reggie McNeal, A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders

One of the best leadership books ever is Ron Heifetz and Martin Linsky, Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive Through the Dangers of Leading. He has an interesting framework based on a distinction between technical problems and adaptive challenges. A technical problem exists where the problem is identified, the solution is known, and the leader provides the answer. An adaptive challenge exists when we have to learn our way to understanding the problem, learn our way to the solution, and the locus of the solution is the people with the problem. The leader's job is to facilitate the adaptive work. The last part of this book is the best treatment I have seen on what leader's need to do to guard their hearts and stay in the game.

Finally, if y'all haven't read The Arbinger Group's Leadership and Self-Deception, I highly recommend it as well. It's a fable, like Lencioni's stuff. Really good.

That was the original list I sent. With several weeks of additional thought I would also add:

Bill Hybels, The Courageous Leader
Andy Stanley, Visioneering and The Next Generation Leader
Craig Groeschel, It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It

Let me know when you finish this list and I will give you some additional recommendations.

As I tell my students: Read Early; Read Often!
(kind of like voting in Chicago!)

The Languages of Appreciation

For several years I have taught The 5 Love Languages as part of the various marriage classes I have developed. I always thought there was an application for this material in the workplace. Well, I guess I was right because Gary Chapman and Paul White recently published The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

Their book is based on the 5 Love Languages framework and focuses on a need we all have: the need to be appreciated. We can understand this by placing it in the context of the various need theories of motivation we teach in Organizational Behavior courses. You're probably familiar with one of these models: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. According to these models, a need is any perceived psychological or physiological deficiency. When we experience a deficiency, our behavior is driven to eliminate that deficiency. When the need is met, it no longer motivates our behavior.

Unlike the needs in Maslow's hierarchy that go away when they are satisfied, I think the need to be appreciated remains constant. But like feeling loved, each of us has our own unique way that we want that appreciation expressed. Successful leaders understand this and work hard to understand the "appreciation language" of their followers. In fact, these leaders become students of their followers and customize the way they express their appreciation.

So what are the 5 Languages of Appreciation?

1. Words of Affirmation: These can be expressed verbally or in handwritten notes.
2. Quality Time: Spending time with the person, asking - and actually listening to the their response - how they're doing, just dropping by their office and giving them focused attention.
3. Acts of Service: This would include pitching in to help on a project or sharing the load on an important deadline-driven assignment.
4. Tangible Gifts: Rather than generic awards and plaques, these gifts should be customized for the individual. What would be meaningful to them? Concert tickets to see their favorite band; World Series Tickets
5. Physical Touch: Chapman and White downplay this one for the workplace -for obvious reasons.

As with the Love Languages, we tend to default to our own preferred language when expressing appreciation (or love). If I am going to be effective in communicating my appreciation - and by effective I mean in a way that my appreciation is really felt by the recipient - then I must communicate in their language.

That may mean that I need to get out of my comfort zone, and that's OK, because leadership is not about me.