The Languages of Appreciation

For several years I have taught The 5 Love Languages as part of the various marriage classes I have developed. I always thought there was an application for this material in the workplace. Well, I guess I was right because Gary Chapman and Paul White recently published The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

Their book is based on the 5 Love Languages framework and focuses on a need we all have: the need to be appreciated. We can understand this by placing it in the context of the various need theories of motivation we teach in Organizational Behavior courses. You're probably familiar with one of these models: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. According to these models, a need is any perceived psychological or physiological deficiency. When we experience a deficiency, our behavior is driven to eliminate that deficiency. When the need is met, it no longer motivates our behavior.

Unlike the needs in Maslow's hierarchy that go away when they are satisfied, I think the need to be appreciated remains constant. But like feeling loved, each of us has our own unique way that we want that appreciation expressed. Successful leaders understand this and work hard to understand the "appreciation language" of their followers. In fact, these leaders become students of their followers and customize the way they express their appreciation.

So what are the 5 Languages of Appreciation?

1. Words of Affirmation: These can be expressed verbally or in handwritten notes.
2. Quality Time: Spending time with the person, asking - and actually listening to the their response - how they're doing, just dropping by their office and giving them focused attention.
3. Acts of Service: This would include pitching in to help on a project or sharing the load on an important deadline-driven assignment.
4. Tangible Gifts: Rather than generic awards and plaques, these gifts should be customized for the individual. What would be meaningful to them? Concert tickets to see their favorite band; World Series Tickets
5. Physical Touch: Chapman and White downplay this one for the workplace -for obvious reasons.

As with the Love Languages, we tend to default to our own preferred language when expressing appreciation (or love). If I am going to be effective in communicating my appreciation - and by effective I mean in a way that my appreciation is really felt by the recipient - then I must communicate in their language.

That may mean that I need to get out of my comfort zone, and that's OK, because leadership is not about me.