What Does a Mentor Look For?

One of the greatest joys I have is intentionally investing in the lives of others.

By now you should recognize that as my definition of leadership. I am learning that that process takes place in a wide variety of settings, in multiple venues. Sometimes its one on one over coffee, sometimes its in a small group setting, sometimes its in a classroom.

I am always looking for these opportunities. In particular, I am looking for a certain kind of person. Here are some of the questions I ask when evaluating a potential investment opportunity:

• Does he have a teachable spirit? Is he an eager learner?

• Is he goal-oriented? Does he want to set being, as well as doing, goals?

• Is he seeking a challenging assignment?

• Is he willing to take on additional responsibilities?

• Does he take initiative?

• Is he willing to accept personal responsibility of his growth and development?

While each of these questions is important, the single most important issue is the teachable spirit. I have been approached by people who say they want a mentor, yet they do not want to be taught. These people are "feedback-resistant," defensive or self-promoting. They don't put themselves in a position to learn. These situations simply don't work for a mentor and the time - the investment effort - is wasted.

Are you looking for a mentor?

Do you have what a mentor is looking for?

What Does a Mentor Do?

Hopefully I am beginning to convince of the need for the intentional investment of a mentor in your life. But perhaps you’re still skeptical about this and you’re wondering what exactly a mentor does.

Here’s a partial list of the contribution mentors have made in my life and the role I have played as a mentor for others:

A mentor:

• Is a source of information
• Provides wisdom
• A Promotes specific skills and effective behaviors
• Provides feedback
• Coaches
• Is a sounding board
• Someone to turn to in times of crisis
• Helps devise plans
• Nurtures curiosity

The Marks of a Mentor

I have been blessed to have had several mentors throughout my life. The impact these men had on me is hard to describe. It’s even more difficult to fully express the gratitude I have for their investment in me. I have tried to express my gratitude to them in several ways on several occasions. Those efforts never seem to be adequate.

Several years ago it dawned on me that the best way to say “Thank You!” is to be to others what they are to me. In essence, the best way to thank them is to pay it forward.

I call this process Legacy Logic.

These men were mentors for me, and now I have the privilege of being a mentor to others. I know I am biased, but I think we all need mentors, and we need them throughout our lifespan and and in the various arenas of our lives.

So, what should you look for in a mentor? Here are some characteristics that mark effective mentors:

• Seems to have what you personally need
• Cultivates relationships
• Is willing to take a chance on you
• Is respected by other Christians
• Has a network of resources
• Is consulted by others
• Both talks and listens
• Is consistent in their lifestyle
• Is able to diagnose your needs
• Is concerned with your interests

Do you have someone like this in your life? If so, be thankful and express your gratitude.

If not, ask God to guide you to someone who can play this important role in your life.

Do You Fit?

There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear.

For the bulk of my teaching career I have challenged my students to consider their fit with their current organization or a potential new employer. It’s an important consideration.

My understanding of fit has evolved over the years. My initial framework for fit had two primary dimensions. The first dimension has to do with having the skills that match the requirements for the job. For example, having a degree in accounting is necessary for a financial analyst position.

The second level of fit has to do with the rewards of the job satisfying the employee’s needs. This actually has two parts. First the tangible rewards that the job provides must meet the tangible needs of the employee. Tangible needs and rewards include salary and benefits. But, there is more. There are intangible needs that must be met by the job. For instance, I have a need for variety. Just the thought of doing the same task repeatedly drives me crazy. I also like my autonomy – setting my own pace and having the freedom to approach my work from my own unique perspective. So, when evaluating a job, these intangible factors are as important to me as the tangibles.

For many years, this is where my understanding of fit stopped. Then, we sold our company and a new management team took over. They had a completely different approach to business and treated people in a way that would never have been accepted by our previous leadership team. In fact, I came up with a name for this new group. I called them the BOHICANS. That’s based on the acronym for Bend Over, Here it Comes Again!

I worked for the Bohicans for a while, but became increasingly uncomfortable. In fact, the stress level of working there got to the point that I would begin getting nauseated on Sunday afternoons anticipating having to go back to work on Monday. It was kind of weird. I was making more money than I ever had. I had a lucrative quarterly bonus that I always received. Yet something was missing.

I began to wonder whether I fit in this new organization. As I examined this, I discovered a third dimension to the fit model. I realized that my values didn’t line up with the values of the organization. It wasn’t a good vs bad judgment; rather, it was just that I didn’t fit. My philosophy of business and my beliefs about how people should be treated just weren’t in line with the Bohicans.

This lack of fit became a catalyst for a major change in my life. In fact, this poor fit became the impetus for me to leave the corporate environment and return to school to pursue my Ph.D. and transition into a new career of university teaching and consulting. A huge decision that has paid off beyond our wildest imagination!

For the last 15 years, my discussion of fit has stopped at this third level. Yet some recent experiences have again caused me to revisit the fit model. I found myself in an organization where everything seemed to fit, yet something seemed to be missing. Reflecting on this had led to yet another evolution of my fit equation. This one has to do with the “personality” of the organization.

We usually think of individuals having personalities and a useful framework for doing this is a two-dimensional model that has level of activity on one axis and affect on the other. The activity axis ranges from passive to active. The affect axis ranges from negative to positive. If affect is a new term for you consider this: We all know people who have what we would call “Yes-faces” – that’s positive affect. Negative affect is the technical term for people with “No-faces.” (And right now some of each of these people popped into your mind!)

So, we have four possible personality combinations: Active-Positive, Active-Negative, Passive-Positive, and Passive-Negative.

I would suggest that we could use the same framework to describe an organization. And thus we now have a new dimension of fit that needs to be considered: Positive people don’t fit in negative, cynical organizations. And people who are active, get very frustrated in organizations that move slowly. While a crazy, rapid pace can be chaotic, when the pace is too slow, active people become frustrated. It’s kind of like driving behind someone who is driving below the posted speed limit. Even if you’re headed in the same direction, you keep running into them from behind.

Do you fit in your current organization?

Leaders are Readers

Leaders must be intentional about investing in their own development as a leader. One way to do this, is to read books about leadership.

By now you know that I like to read. For me, it comes with the territory of being a teacher. As a teacher whose primary teaching area is leadership, I read a lot of leadership books. And I have some recommendations for your own developmental reading.

Here's the list of Leadership Books I read in 2010. Most were good, but the ones I most highly recommend are emphasized in bold print:

Leadership Books 2010

1. Derailed, Tim Irwin
2. Theodore Rex, Edmund Morris
3. Holy Ambition, Chip Ingram
4. Leadership: Influence that Inspires, Chuck Swindoll
5. Credibility: How Leaders Gain it and Lose It and Why People Demand It, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner
6. Leading When it Hurts, Jeff Iorg
7. Why Great Men Fall, Wayde Goodall
8. Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls, Noel Tichy & Warren Bennis
9. David: A Man of Passion and Destiny, Chuck Swindoll
10. Think Again: Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions and How to Keep it From Happening to You, Sydney Finkelstein, Jo Whitehead, & Andrew Campbell
11. Rescuing Ambition, David Harvey
12. Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders, Reggie McNeal
13. Leaders Who Last, Dave Kraft
14. The Making of a Leader, Robert J. Clinton
15. John Adams, David McCullough
16. The Power of a Whisper, Bill Hybels
17. The Mentor Leader, Tony Dungy
18. Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership, Gary McIntosh & Samuel Rima
19. The Truth About Leadership, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner
20. Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations, Margaret Benefiel
21. Leadership and Self-Deception, The Arbinger Group
22. April 1865: The Month that Saved the Nation, Jay Winick

Leaders are Learners

One of my biggest disappointments came when a leader that I greatly admired told me not to give him anymore books or articles on leadership. He said he knew all he needed to know and wasn't interested in learning anything new.

Wow. I couldn't believe he said that.

That was over 25 years ago and the comment still haunts me. I hope I never get to the point that I think I have learned all I need to know about leadership - or husbanding, parenting, or any kind of relationship for that matter!

One of favorite contemporary leaders is Bill Hybels, the founding pastor of Willow Creek Community Church. He is a leader of leaders and continues to challenge himself and others to grow as a leader.

At the close of the Leadership Summit last year, Hybels issued this challenge:

"Those with leadership gifts have to step up and step it up.

In order to do so, leaders must engage in leadership development as a discipline, not as recreation.

A leader has to read to develop as a leader and they have to be around other leaders. If a leader is going to continue to grow as a leader, they must go where leadership is taught."

Hybels' challenge tells me that as leaders we must be intentional about investing in our own leadership development. We cannot afford to slack off on this and become stagnant.

So, given this challenge, let me ask: How are you doing on the discipline of developing your leadership?

Are you reading about leadership?

Are you seeking out other leaders?

Are you finding environments that teach leadership?


Or have you already learned everything you need to know about leadership?

Back at It

I haven't posted a blog entry since November. Some of you actually noticed. In fact, two of my friends even sent notes to make sure I was OK. Thanks Walt and Amanda!

Well, I am OK and back to blogging again.

I have spent some time on the balcony, making some observations and doing a lot of reflecting. As a result, I have several new thoughts flowing and I can't wait to share them with you.

Over the next several posts I plan to discuss the need to be intentional about our leadership development. I also want to share some recommended resources with you.

I have some new insights on several topics as well. Over the next several weeks I plan to discuss "fit,"mentoring, and followership. And I'd love to hear your take on these topics!

"Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.

I'm so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside."