Today marks the end of my first of 4 months on sabbatical.
It has been very refreshing to get away from the grind, to have time to think, write, reflect, and read. Here's the list of books I read this month:
Wild Goose Chase, Mark Batterson
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee (re-read)
I Do Again, Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs
Axiom: Powerful Leadership Proverbs, Bill Hybels
What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception, Scott McClennan
The Measure of a Man, Gene Getz
Culture Making: Recovering Our Creative Calling, Andy Crouch
Faith in the Halls of Power: How Evangelicals Joined the American Elite, D. Michael Lindsay
Life with God: Reading the Bible for Spiritual Transformation, Richard Foster
A pretty varied list: Novel, Politics, Biblical Spirituality, Sociology, Leadership, and Marriage. This is typical. I try to read a variety of genres. This helps me develop and maintaining what I call "critical multiplism." Critical multiplism is the idea of examining any topic from a variety of perspectives rather than through only one perspective.
I think reading comes with the calling of a teacher. In fact, I think those of us who teach have a moral obligation to be current. I agree with Howard Hendricks that I would rather my students drink from a running stream than a stagnant pond.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Atticus and Leland
I love to read, and I average about a book a week. Of course, being on sabbatical gives me even more time to read and I am busting the average this month with 8 completed so far. And this year, I am keeping a list of the books I read. I have promised to do this for several years, but I am actually doing it this year.
I rarely read a book more than once. There are some notable exceptions, however. The following is a list of books that I have read multiple times:
Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey
The Best and the Brightest, David Halberstam
Visioneering, Andy Stanley
And most recently, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
What a great story…and a great movie starring Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. Atticus is a man of tremendous character who swims against the tide of small-town, southern attitudes in the depression era (and beyond). He is full of wisdom and is highly respected by everyone in town, even when he has to oppose them.
There’s a great piece of advice for all of us page 59 when Atticus tells his daughter Scout to "delete the adjectives and she would have the facts."
One of the plots of the book revolves around Tom Robinson. Tom is a young black man who has been falsely accused of attacking and raping a white woman. The entire town wanted to skip the judicial process and simply lynch Tom, but Atticus stood them down on the courthouse steps late one night when they came to get Tom out of jail. In spite of Atticus' excellent defense, Tom had no chance with the all-white jury and they convicted him.
Every time I watch the movie or read the book, I get emotional during the scene at the end of Tom Robinson’s trial when Atticus is leaving the courtroom. His children have observed the trial from the balcony with the Negroes who were there to support Tom. I will let Scout pick up the narrative here:
“Atticus took his coat off the back of his chair and pulled it over his shoulder. Then he left the courtroom, but not by his usual exit. He must have wanted to go home the short way, because he walked quickly down the middle aisle toward the south exit. I followed the top of his head as he made his way to the door. He did not look up.
Someone was punching me, but I was reluctant to take my eyes from the people below us, and from the image of Atticus’ lonely walk down the aisle.
‘Miss Jean Louise?’
I looked around. They were standing. All around us and in the balcony on the opposite wall, the Negroes were getting on their feet. Reverend Sykes’s voice was as distant as Judge Taylor’s:
‘Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passin.’”
Another thing happens when I read or watch To Kill a Mockingbird. I can’t help but see similarities between Atticus and my own father, Leland. Like Atticus, Leland took unpopular stands on behalf of the Negroes he worked with and who worked for him in West Texas. He told me of a time in Haskell when one of the white men in town was going to beat up the black man who worked for my dad at his service station. The man thought that the Negro had not shown him proper respect. He accused the Negro of saying “huh?” when he had asked a question. The white guy was going to “kick that N..’s ass.” My Dad told him he would have to kick his first. The man couldn’t believe my dad was defending a Negro, but the incident passed with everyone’s backside intact.
Several years later in Odessa, my dad had 5 full-service gas stations (Some of you have no idea what those are). He decided to put a black man named Wendell in charge of the one in wealthiest part of town. Everyone told my dad that he couldn’t do that and that it wouldn’t work. His response was something like “hide and watch.” And it did work. The people in the area loved and respected Wendell, as my dad did.
As a child, I used to spend a week or so with my grandparents in Breckenridge each summer. My dad’s mother used to take me to “town” with her. I was always embarrassed when she introduced me to the people in the stores. She would pat me on the shoulder as she said,
“Now, this is Leland’s boy.”
That doesn’t embarrass me anymore.
I rarely read a book more than once. There are some notable exceptions, however. The following is a list of books that I have read multiple times:
Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey
The Best and the Brightest, David Halberstam
Visioneering, Andy Stanley
And most recently, To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee.
What a great story…and a great movie starring Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch. Atticus is a man of tremendous character who swims against the tide of small-town, southern attitudes in the depression era (and beyond). He is full of wisdom and is highly respected by everyone in town, even when he has to oppose them.
There’s a great piece of advice for all of us page 59 when Atticus tells his daughter Scout to "delete the adjectives and she would have the facts."
One of the plots of the book revolves around Tom Robinson. Tom is a young black man who has been falsely accused of attacking and raping a white woman. The entire town wanted to skip the judicial process and simply lynch Tom, but Atticus stood them down on the courthouse steps late one night when they came to get Tom out of jail. In spite of Atticus' excellent defense, Tom had no chance with the all-white jury and they convicted him.
Every time I watch the movie or read the book, I get emotional during the scene at the end of Tom Robinson’s trial when Atticus is leaving the courtroom. His children have observed the trial from the balcony with the Negroes who were there to support Tom. I will let Scout pick up the narrative here:
“Atticus took his coat off the back of his chair and pulled it over his shoulder. Then he left the courtroom, but not by his usual exit. He must have wanted to go home the short way, because he walked quickly down the middle aisle toward the south exit. I followed the top of his head as he made his way to the door. He did not look up.
Someone was punching me, but I was reluctant to take my eyes from the people below us, and from the image of Atticus’ lonely walk down the aisle.
‘Miss Jean Louise?’
I looked around. They were standing. All around us and in the balcony on the opposite wall, the Negroes were getting on their feet. Reverend Sykes’s voice was as distant as Judge Taylor’s:
‘Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passin.’”
Another thing happens when I read or watch To Kill a Mockingbird. I can’t help but see similarities between Atticus and my own father, Leland. Like Atticus, Leland took unpopular stands on behalf of the Negroes he worked with and who worked for him in West Texas. He told me of a time in Haskell when one of the white men in town was going to beat up the black man who worked for my dad at his service station. The man thought that the Negro had not shown him proper respect. He accused the Negro of saying “huh?” when he had asked a question. The white guy was going to “kick that N..’s ass.” My Dad told him he would have to kick his first. The man couldn’t believe my dad was defending a Negro, but the incident passed with everyone’s backside intact.
Several years later in Odessa, my dad had 5 full-service gas stations (Some of you have no idea what those are). He decided to put a black man named Wendell in charge of the one in wealthiest part of town. Everyone told my dad that he couldn’t do that and that it wouldn’t work. His response was something like “hide and watch.” And it did work. The people in the area loved and respected Wendell, as my dad did.
As a child, I used to spend a week or so with my grandparents in Breckenridge each summer. My dad’s mother used to take me to “town” with her. I was always embarrassed when she introduced me to the people in the stores. She would pat me on the shoulder as she said,
“Now, this is Leland’s boy.”
That doesn’t embarrass me anymore.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Lead Where You Are
In my first blog post, I said I would tell you the Phil K story. Here it is…
It was the worst class I have had in my 25 years of teaching. It was a small class of about 17 or so…usually a good number. And I was teaching one of my favorite subjects - organizational behavior. But, many of these students were employed at a local defense manufacturer and they were the most negative, most cynical group of students I have ever encountered. This group was a major downer. We were only a few weeks into the term when I got to where I dreaded Tuesday nights.
Every week we would discuss the topics and as usual I always peppered the discussion with stories from my days with the “Bohicans” ("bend over, here it comes again") or some insight from one of my consulting projects. But every practical application I shared was met with an attitude and some form of “That’s great, but that would never work at our place.”
The second to the last week of class Phil K said, “You’ve worked in and with lots of organizations, done lots of research, and have been teaching this stuff for a while. Tell us what works.” Well, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “I’ve been telling you what works all semester, but y’all don’t want hear it.” Instead, I said to myself, “OK, one more time, maybe they’ll get it this time.”
So I started in with transformational leadership, goal-setting, job enrichment. All the “stuff that works” that had solid research support and techniques I had often used myself. As soon as I began, Phil started shaking his head, as did several others in the class.
And I lost it.
I had never done this before, and haven’t done it since then, but I came totally unglued. I walked right up to the closest desk (lucky for Phil he was on the second row) and yelled,
“You guys have told me all semester long about how miserable your situation is, how bad it is. And every time I make a suggestion, you tell me all the reasons why my suggestion won’t work in your organization. Well, let me tell you something, IF IT’S AS BAD AS YOU SAY IT IS YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES: 1)DO WHAT I'VE SUGGESTED, 2)LEAVE AND GO WORK SOME PLACE ELSE, OR 3) SHUT UP!
I know you’re not the CEO and you may not be able to change the entire organization, but dad gummit, you can make a difference in your sphere of influence. So, either do this stuff, leave, or shut up!”
Well, I was pretty sure that would be my last semester. I wasn’t tenured and just knew the students would be complaining to the dean the next day. So, I made a preemptive strike and told the dean what had happened. He was actually proud of me and told me not to worry about it. The last week of class passed uneventfully ... after all, what else could I say?
The next semester I ran into Phil K in the stairwell on my way to class. I couldn’t avoid him or pretend I didn’t see him. We were face to face. I said rather sheepishly, “Hey, Phil.”
He responded with “It’s good to see you. As a matter of fact, I have a long email I have been working on to send to you.” I said, “Yeah, I bet you do.” He said, “No, it’s not like that at all…remember that night you kind of, well, went off on us?” “Yeah I remember,” I said even more sheepishly.
“Well,” continued Phil, “when I saw how passionate you were about what you were saying, I decided to take you up on it. I bought that book we used (A Company of Leaders) for every member of my team and we started reading and discussing one chapter every Thursday afternoon. The team thought it was kind of hokey at first, but I stuck with it – allowed myself the discomfort, as you had taught us. And you know what – it changed our organization! We have VP’s coming to observe my team, and when there are openings in other parts of the plant, managers ask my people to apply. It has changed everything!”
I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe it. Phil took another class with me before he graduated. On the first day of class, I told our story. A friend of Phil’s spoke up when I finished and said, “That’s not the whole story. The rest of the story is that Phil won a corporate-wide award for his leadership.”
Wow, all because I kind of went off.
I run into a lot of people who hide behind the fact that they don’t have a title that gives them some formal authority base. And frankly, that stuff makes me tired. Just like Phil K did, we all can make a difference in our sphere of influence.
So, allow yourself the discomfort and lead where you are.
It was the worst class I have had in my 25 years of teaching. It was a small class of about 17 or so…usually a good number. And I was teaching one of my favorite subjects - organizational behavior. But, many of these students were employed at a local defense manufacturer and they were the most negative, most cynical group of students I have ever encountered. This group was a major downer. We were only a few weeks into the term when I got to where I dreaded Tuesday nights.
Every week we would discuss the topics and as usual I always peppered the discussion with stories from my days with the “Bohicans” ("bend over, here it comes again") or some insight from one of my consulting projects. But every practical application I shared was met with an attitude and some form of “That’s great, but that would never work at our place.”
The second to the last week of class Phil K said, “You’ve worked in and with lots of organizations, done lots of research, and have been teaching this stuff for a while. Tell us what works.” Well, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “I’ve been telling you what works all semester, but y’all don’t want hear it.” Instead, I said to myself, “OK, one more time, maybe they’ll get it this time.”
So I started in with transformational leadership, goal-setting, job enrichment. All the “stuff that works” that had solid research support and techniques I had often used myself. As soon as I began, Phil started shaking his head, as did several others in the class.
And I lost it.
I had never done this before, and haven’t done it since then, but I came totally unglued. I walked right up to the closest desk (lucky for Phil he was on the second row) and yelled,
“You guys have told me all semester long about how miserable your situation is, how bad it is. And every time I make a suggestion, you tell me all the reasons why my suggestion won’t work in your organization. Well, let me tell you something, IF IT’S AS BAD AS YOU SAY IT IS YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES: 1)DO WHAT I'VE SUGGESTED, 2)LEAVE AND GO WORK SOME PLACE ELSE, OR 3) SHUT UP!
I know you’re not the CEO and you may not be able to change the entire organization, but dad gummit, you can make a difference in your sphere of influence. So, either do this stuff, leave, or shut up!”
Well, I was pretty sure that would be my last semester. I wasn’t tenured and just knew the students would be complaining to the dean the next day. So, I made a preemptive strike and told the dean what had happened. He was actually proud of me and told me not to worry about it. The last week of class passed uneventfully ... after all, what else could I say?
The next semester I ran into Phil K in the stairwell on my way to class. I couldn’t avoid him or pretend I didn’t see him. We were face to face. I said rather sheepishly, “Hey, Phil.”
He responded with “It’s good to see you. As a matter of fact, I have a long email I have been working on to send to you.” I said, “Yeah, I bet you do.” He said, “No, it’s not like that at all…remember that night you kind of, well, went off on us?” “Yeah I remember,” I said even more sheepishly.
“Well,” continued Phil, “when I saw how passionate you were about what you were saying, I decided to take you up on it. I bought that book we used (A Company of Leaders) for every member of my team and we started reading and discussing one chapter every Thursday afternoon. The team thought it was kind of hokey at first, but I stuck with it – allowed myself the discomfort, as you had taught us. And you know what – it changed our organization! We have VP’s coming to observe my team, and when there are openings in other parts of the plant, managers ask my people to apply. It has changed everything!”
I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe it. Phil took another class with me before he graduated. On the first day of class, I told our story. A friend of Phil’s spoke up when I finished and said, “That’s not the whole story. The rest of the story is that Phil won a corporate-wide award for his leadership.”
Wow, all because I kind of went off.
I run into a lot of people who hide behind the fact that they don’t have a title that gives them some formal authority base. And frankly, that stuff makes me tired. Just like Phil K did, we all can make a difference in our sphere of influence.
So, allow yourself the discomfort and lead where you are.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"An easy read, but not easy to read"
I sat across the table from Jeff as he poured his heart out about a struggle he was having. He had finished his MBA and was now working at a high-paced start up operation. All the time he thought he would be able to devote to his wife and family after the MBA was completed was now being consumed by his job. And his wife was getting the leftovers.
As I listened, I could relate. In spite of my mentor’s intervention in the early stages of my career, I have struggled with this throughout my 30-year marriage. Jeff’s story was my story.
I looked across the table at Jeff and said, “There’s a book I want you to read. It’s an easy read, but it is not easy to read.” The book was Andy Stanley’s Choosing to Cheat. And much of what I have been sharing with y’all on my blog is based on that book.
Here are some other resources that may be helpful if you are struggling with your “work-life balance”:
Several books by Doug Sherman and William Hendricks helped me formulate my thinking on what God’s view of success looked like:
Your Work Matters to God
How to Succeed Where it Really Counts
How to Balance Competing Time Demands
A great resource that helped me understand that my whole life was to be lived as an act of worship is John MacArthur’s Worship: The Ultimate Priority.
With those recommendations, I must also issue a word of caution:
Sometimes we substitute reading and learning about a subject for doing what we know we need to do.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 3
I thought I would only have two parts to this Only Cheaters Win idea, but Kara asked a great question in her comment, so I decided to add part 3.
Here's how I see this playing out: We make a commitment, and often part of our commitment is making a plan. Remember, we need to make sure we don't leave God out of this planning process. In Daniel's case, his plan included "seeking permission" for his commitment (really a challenge) and God's hand was on the situation.
I think Kara shows some great self-awareness in recognizing her tendency to plan and then commit. But sometimes, we need to make the commitment even without a plan, and ask God to help us develop the plan.
We also need to be careful that we don't substitute "planning" for making a commitment we know we should make. This amounts to "work avoidance" and is a subtle way of keeping us from making some hard decisions we need to make.
As I write that, I am reminded of Craig Groeschel's admonition: "The gap between where you are and where God wants you to be is the hard decision you refuse to make."
(Sometimes I wish I had never heard that!)
In the workplace, we need to always do our work in a way that honors God. And a big part of that is to submit to the authority that is over us. That's where the "seeking permission" part comes in.
So commit-with or without a plan- pray, seek permission, and watch the "Now God" moments unfold.
Here's how I see this playing out: We make a commitment, and often part of our commitment is making a plan. Remember, we need to make sure we don't leave God out of this planning process. In Daniel's case, his plan included "seeking permission" for his commitment (really a challenge) and God's hand was on the situation.
I think Kara shows some great self-awareness in recognizing her tendency to plan and then commit. But sometimes, we need to make the commitment even without a plan, and ask God to help us develop the plan.
We also need to be careful that we don't substitute "planning" for making a commitment we know we should make. This amounts to "work avoidance" and is a subtle way of keeping us from making some hard decisions we need to make.
As I write that, I am reminded of Craig Groeschel's admonition: "The gap between where you are and where God wants you to be is the hard decision you refuse to make."
(Sometimes I wish I had never heard that!)
In the workplace, we need to always do our work in a way that honors God. And a big part of that is to submit to the authority that is over us. That's where the "seeking permission" part comes in.
So commit-with or without a plan- pray, seek permission, and watch the "Now God" moments unfold.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 2
Are you ready to cheat?
Given the importance of cheating, let me provide some clarification of what I am talking about. When we cheat we are making a trade-off decision. We are choosing to give up one thing in hopes of gaining something else of greater value. So in terms of this broad definition, we are all cheaters. Everyday we make decisions to give something up in order to gain something else or to do something else.
If we are really honest, many of us are choosing to spend our physical and emotional energy in our work, and we are cheating our spouses and our families. The sad thing is they are often codependents who enable us to cheat them. We get wrapped up in a project, in an important client engagement, a season of intense work commitments and they “understand.”
They love us and they want to be supportive. They are mentally willing to support us.
While I was investing myself in in getting my MBA and growing my career during the early years of our marriage, Laura was at home juggling two, then three, then four children who were under 7 years old. She understood. She was emotionally willing. But, if left to that course, eventually her emotional willingness would be overcome by physical exhaustion.
The truth is, she was being cheated and she was only getting the leftovers.
So let me ask you some questions:
Given the importance of cheating, let me provide some clarification of what I am talking about. When we cheat we are making a trade-off decision. We are choosing to give up one thing in hopes of gaining something else of greater value. So in terms of this broad definition, we are all cheaters. Everyday we make decisions to give something up in order to gain something else or to do something else.
If we are really honest, many of us are choosing to spend our physical and emotional energy in our work, and we are cheating our spouses and our families. The sad thing is they are often codependents who enable us to cheat them. We get wrapped up in a project, in an important client engagement, a season of intense work commitments and they “understand.”
They love us and they want to be supportive. They are mentally willing to support us.
While I was investing myself in in getting my MBA and growing my career during the early years of our marriage, Laura was at home juggling two, then three, then four children who were under 7 years old. She understood. She was emotionally willing. But, if left to that course, eventually her emotional willingness would be overcome by physical exhaustion.
The truth is, she was being cheated and she was only getting the leftovers.
So let me ask you some questions:
- Where are you cheating?
- Who are you cheating?
- Who feels cheated?
Are you squirming yet? Getting a little uncomfortable –maybe, even a lot?
Good.
Now, that I have created some tension in your system, let me take some pressure off: Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not your organization skills. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble into the best time management techniques. And the problem is not that your spouse demands too much from you.
THE PROBLEM IS: There is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced – or others have convinced you – needs to get done. There is just not enough time in your day to be all things to all people.
THE SOLUTION is we need to learn how cheat with purpose, to cheat by design. We need to become strategic cheaters. We need to learn to cheat according to our greatest purpose. Strategic cheating is all about setting priorities based on God’s principles.
A “Now God” Moment
In order to get some insight into strategic cheating, I would like us to look briefly at the life of an Old Testament hero named Daniel.
The story unfolds in Daniel 1. Daniel was faced with a similar dilemma that we are. He was faced with a decision that would require him to either cheat his earthly king or cheat his heavenly Father. Without knowing how it would play out, Daniel made a commitment. He decided to cheat the king so he could honor God. Notice, he made the commitment before he knew how he would implement it.
But I want you to also notice what happened immediately after Daniel made his commitment. God showed up! It was a “Now God…” moment!
“But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king's choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself. Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials.” (Daniel 1:8-9)
When Daniel made the commitment to live by God’s principles, God showed up to clear the path. When we are willing to set our priorities and make commitments that honor God, He is willing to touch down in the midst of our personal chaos and bring the order and balance we so desperately need.
If we are to be strategic cheaters, we need to follow Daniel’s pattern:
- Make a Commitment
- Develop a Plan
- Set up a Trial
I have no doubt hit a sensitive issue for many of you. I would like to encourage you to make a commitment before you leave this blog. Commit to re-prioritizing your schedule according to God’s principles.
As you make this commitment, I want to encourage you not to substitute a condition for a commitment. Don’t say “when we finish this project I will change my schedule”, or “if I can just win this account, I will back off” or "When this semester is over." When we make our commitments conditional, we are saying that our spouse is not really the priority after all. Make your commitment an unconditional commitment.
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Like Daniel, we need to develop a plan. And like Daniel we need to set up a test. Don’t make a lifelong commitment, make a 30 day commitment.
And like Daniel, we need to make the commitment before we know how it will be implemented. And when we do, we set ourselves up for a “Now God” moment.
You see, when we surrender our will to the Heavenly Father, he takes responsibility for the outcome of the journey.
Are you ready to trade merely surviving for thriving?
Start cheating!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Only Cheaters Win, Part 1
I was the fair-haired boy, the chosen protégé of our founder and CEO. I had been hired one semester short of completing my MBA by a small manufacturing and distribution company. They had never had an MBA working for them and didn’t know exactly what to do with me. So, I got to do a lot of everything. I was on the fast track. Promotions and increased responsibility came fast. And the CEO took me under his wing and began to mentor me. It was a great post-graduate education and the responsibility and attention I was receiving were huge ego boosters.
Then I got caught cheating.
The CEO came to my office and shut the door as he entered the room. He had a look on his face that I had not seen before. He was very serious and said, “I need to talk to you. You are working late every night, you’re taking work home with you, and you’re here on the weekends…You’re working too hard and I want you to cut it out.”
I said, “Well we have a lot going on. We have this new information system we’re implementing and the inventory project really needs a lot of attention.”
His response was very firm: “This business is a fleeting thing and that woman at home is not.”
I said, “She understands. She knows we have a lot going on…”
I barely had the sentence out, before he pounded his fist on my desk and said, “Damnit, I said cut it out! You think she understands and then one day you go home and she meets you at the door with her bags packed as she is leaving because she doesn’t understand anymore. It happened to me and I don’t want it to happen to you.”
I got caught cheating. Jim saw what I didn’t see. I was pouring all of my physical and emotional energy into my work. Even when I was home I wasn’t really there. I was giving the best of me to my job and I was cheating Laura. My employer was getting the best of me and Laura was getting nothing but the leftovers.
Let’s face it. We all cheat. If our marriage has lost its passion, it’s because we are cheating. But here’s the paradox. If we want our marriages to move from merely surviving to thriving - we have to cheat.
You see, the only way to take our marriage to a “hole nuther level” is to cheat. When it comes to having a thriving marriage, ONLY CHEATERS WIN!
Then I got caught cheating.
The CEO came to my office and shut the door as he entered the room. He had a look on his face that I had not seen before. He was very serious and said, “I need to talk to you. You are working late every night, you’re taking work home with you, and you’re here on the weekends…You’re working too hard and I want you to cut it out.”
I said, “Well we have a lot going on. We have this new information system we’re implementing and the inventory project really needs a lot of attention.”
His response was very firm: “This business is a fleeting thing and that woman at home is not.”
I said, “She understands. She knows we have a lot going on…”
I barely had the sentence out, before he pounded his fist on my desk and said, “Damnit, I said cut it out! You think she understands and then one day you go home and she meets you at the door with her bags packed as she is leaving because she doesn’t understand anymore. It happened to me and I don’t want it to happen to you.”
I got caught cheating. Jim saw what I didn’t see. I was pouring all of my physical and emotional energy into my work. Even when I was home I wasn’t really there. I was giving the best of me to my job and I was cheating Laura. My employer was getting the best of me and Laura was getting nothing but the leftovers.
Let’s face it. We all cheat. If our marriage has lost its passion, it’s because we are cheating. But here’s the paradox. If we want our marriages to move from merely surviving to thriving - we have to cheat.
You see, the only way to take our marriage to a “hole nuther level” is to cheat. When it comes to having a thriving marriage, ONLY CHEATERS WIN!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Whatever, Part 2
In my last posting I suggested that we need to redefine success. Too often we confine our view of success to our work or career. I suggested we needed a more comprehensive view of success. As, I discussed in "Whatever, Part 1", one thing that has helped me put this to work is that I see my whole life as an act of worship. WHATEVER I do is to be done in a way that honors God.
Today, I want to provide some practical suggestions for implementing a new view of success:
Imagine yourself as a competitor in the Olympic event known as the Pentathlon. It’s a 5-event competition and if you are going to win it you must excel in all 5 areas.
Let’s use that as an analogy for a new view of success. All too often, we define success around one arena: work. But, if we are to be truly successful we need to excel in all 5 arenas of this Pentathlon:
One of my favorite contemporary authors is Chuck Swindoll. He is the Chancellor of Dallas Theological Seminary and the Pastor of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco. I heard an interview with him several years ago. The interviewer said “Chuck, when you started out did you ever think you would have had the impact that you have had?” Chuck’s response was “No. When I started out I had 3 goals: I wanted to be a good husband, I wanted to be a good daddy, and I wanted to teach God’s Word.”
Notice his sequencing and priorities: His job came third.
We need a more comprehensive view of success, and we need to re-orient our priorities.
Next, I think we should set being goals, not just doing goals or acquiring goals. Set goals about your character.
I also think we need to distinguish between success and the rewards of our success. Andy Stanley tells the story of the African-American who rose from bellboy to become the CEO of the Ritz-Carlton. Sometime after he became the CEO he was asked about his new-found success. He responded by saying “I was successful when I was a bellboy. I am now enjoying the rewards of my success.”
Success is more about who we are- our character, our integrity- than what we do for a living, the salary we earn, or the titles we have.
So, let me challenge you to reframe your view of success:
Today, I want to provide some practical suggestions for implementing a new view of success:
Imagine yourself as a competitor in the Olympic event known as the Pentathlon. It’s a 5-event competition and if you are going to win it you must excel in all 5 areas.
Let’s use that as an analogy for a new view of success. All too often, we define success around one arena: work. But, if we are to be truly successful we need to excel in all 5 arenas of this Pentathlon:
- Work
- Family
- Church
- Community
- Personal
One of my favorite contemporary authors is Chuck Swindoll. He is the Chancellor of Dallas Theological Seminary and the Pastor of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco. I heard an interview with him several years ago. The interviewer said “Chuck, when you started out did you ever think you would have had the impact that you have had?” Chuck’s response was “No. When I started out I had 3 goals: I wanted to be a good husband, I wanted to be a good daddy, and I wanted to teach God’s Word.”
Notice his sequencing and priorities: His job came third.
We need a more comprehensive view of success, and we need to re-orient our priorities.
Next, I think we should set being goals, not just doing goals or acquiring goals. Set goals about your character.
I also think we need to distinguish between success and the rewards of our success. Andy Stanley tells the story of the African-American who rose from bellboy to become the CEO of the Ritz-Carlton. Sometime after he became the CEO he was asked about his new-found success. He responded by saying “I was successful when I was a bellboy. I am now enjoying the rewards of my success.”
Success is more about who we are- our character, our integrity- than what we do for a living, the salary we earn, or the titles we have.
So, let me challenge you to reframe your view of success:
- Include God in your plans
- Develop a comprehensive perspective on what it means to be successful,
- Re-orient your priorities, and
- Don’t confuse success with the rewards of success.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Whatever, Part 1
In my first post I challenged us to make Halftime rather than New Year's resolutions. To really put those Halftime resolutions to work will probably require you to develop a new definition of success. So today, I am sharing some thoughts on rethinking what it means to be successful.
How do you spell success?
I talk to a lot of young(er) adults and I am always curious about their answer to this question. They usually respond with answers that have to do with money, possessions, and positions.
When I was in high school, I took an elective course called “The Psychology of Motivation.” The class was based on a then-popular organization that was selling positive thinking and goal-setting programs.
I still remember the their definition of success:
“Success is the progressive realization of any worthwhile predetermined goal.”
That definition was supported with this encouragement:
“Anything you ardently desire, vividly imagine, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably come to pass.”
Looks like something you would see on one of those motivational pictures in your company’s conference room doesn’t it? You know those pictures of skiers jumping off snowy cliffs or marathon runners breaking the tape.
What’s wrong with those definitions? Read each of those statements again, ... slowly. What’s missing?
The problem is that God is left out. This amounts to practical atheism. We profess to know God, but we leave Him out of our most important decisions.
James, Jesus’ half-brother, identified this problem 2000 years ago, and it still plagues us today:
“Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil.” (James 4:13-16).
In addition to leaving God out, there’s another problem with our view of success. Too often our view of success is one-dimensional. And it usually centers around our work. If we are successful at work then we are successful. Other arenas of our life are ignored and important relationships - like our marriages and our children - are sacrificed on the altars of our careers.
But God’s view of success is comprehensive. It involves the whole person and informs everything that we do. Maybe we can sum this up in one word “WHATEVER.”
This seems to have been one of the Apostle Paul’s favorite words. Listen to what he says about our thinking:
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen)in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Phillipians 4:8-9)
Now listen to what he says about our work:
“Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” (Colossians 3:17, 24)
How do you spell success?
I talk to a lot of young(er) adults and I am always curious about their answer to this question. They usually respond with answers that have to do with money, possessions, and positions.
When I was in high school, I took an elective course called “The Psychology of Motivation.” The class was based on a then-popular organization that was selling positive thinking and goal-setting programs.
I still remember the their definition of success:
“Success is the progressive realization of any worthwhile predetermined goal.”
That definition was supported with this encouragement:
“Anything you ardently desire, vividly imagine, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon must inevitably come to pass.”
Looks like something you would see on one of those motivational pictures in your company’s conference room doesn’t it? You know those pictures of skiers jumping off snowy cliffs or marathon runners breaking the tape.
What’s wrong with those definitions? Read each of those statements again, ... slowly. What’s missing?
The problem is that God is left out. This amounts to practical atheism. We profess to know God, but we leave Him out of our most important decisions.
James, Jesus’ half-brother, identified this problem 2000 years ago, and it still plagues us today:
“Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil.” (James 4:13-16).
In addition to leaving God out, there’s another problem with our view of success. Too often our view of success is one-dimensional. And it usually centers around our work. If we are successful at work then we are successful. Other arenas of our life are ignored and important relationships - like our marriages and our children - are sacrificed on the altars of our careers.
But God’s view of success is comprehensive. It involves the whole person and informs everything that we do. Maybe we can sum this up in one word “WHATEVER.”
This seems to have been one of the Apostle Paul’s favorite words. Listen to what he says about our thinking:
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen)in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Phillipians 4:8-9)
Now listen to what he says about our work:
“Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” (Colossians 3:17, 24)
So, here's a your new definition of success for the Second Half: WHATEVER!
And you thought valley talk originated in California in the late 80’s!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Halftime Resolutions
There's a new blog in town! I have been talking about this for at least a year now...hey its a new year and I resolve to become a blogger!
Speaking of New Year's resolutions, I have a suggestion: Let's do something different this year. Let's make a halftime resolution. Yep, halftime. Imagine for a minute that you are exactly half-way through your life here on earth. (Hint: Multiply your current age by 2. You are in the locker-room at halftime fixin to go out and play the second half of the game called life. Pause for a minute...put yourself in the lockeroom...go all the way with it...the smell of sweaty bodies, the gatorade spilt on the floor, the trainers retaping the star player's ankle, and then the coach steps in to the middle of the room to discuss the adjustments that need to be made for the second half.( I have always wanted to be a coach, so now imagine the coach that's talking is me.)
Its halftime and as your coach I want to ask you a series of questions. The answers to these questions will help you decide how you will play the rest of the game.
First – who do you need to thank? None of us reaches the milestone events in our life without the significant love, support and encouragement of others. So, as you think about the successes and achievements you have enjoyed, who do you need to thank? Thank them personally, write them notes, send them letters. You have no idea the impact your call or your note will have on them.
I have done this many times, but somehow those thank yous didn’t ever seem to adequately express the full gratitude I have for those who have invested deeply in my life. So I decided that the best way to thank them is to pay it forward - To try to be to others what those people were to me.
This leads me to my second question: Who are you investing in? You have had others pour themselves into you, and you have been blessed by it. Now, who will you pour yourself in to? Who will you invest in?
Here’s a third question: Who do you need to forgive? Along the way we have had people who have hurt us, slandered us, and betrayed us. In order to play the next half of your life at full capacity, you need to shed the bitterness and the resentment that holds you back. I have seen too many people shackled by unforgiveness. So forgive them. The Apostle Paul provides some great advice on this mater in Ephesians 4: 31-32:
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
So, we have three questions about our relationships:
Four years ago, the faculty of the Graduate School of Management and the president of the University asked me to serve as Dean. I resisted their invitation because I felt that I was doing a great work in the classroom and having a significant impact on the lives of my students. In fact I paraphrased an Old Testament character, Nehemiah, who was rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem by saying:
Speaking of New Year's resolutions, I have a suggestion: Let's do something different this year. Let's make a halftime resolution. Yep, halftime. Imagine for a minute that you are exactly half-way through your life here on earth. (Hint: Multiply your current age by 2. You are in the locker-room at halftime fixin to go out and play the second half of the game called life. Pause for a minute...put yourself in the lockeroom...go all the way with it...the smell of sweaty bodies, the gatorade spilt on the floor, the trainers retaping the star player's ankle, and then the coach steps in to the middle of the room to discuss the adjustments that need to be made for the second half.( I have always wanted to be a coach, so now imagine the coach that's talking is me.)
Its halftime and as your coach I want to ask you a series of questions. The answers to these questions will help you decide how you will play the rest of the game.
First – who do you need to thank? None of us reaches the milestone events in our life without the significant love, support and encouragement of others. So, as you think about the successes and achievements you have enjoyed, who do you need to thank? Thank them personally, write them notes, send them letters. You have no idea the impact your call or your note will have on them.
I have done this many times, but somehow those thank yous didn’t ever seem to adequately express the full gratitude I have for those who have invested deeply in my life. So I decided that the best way to thank them is to pay it forward - To try to be to others what those people were to me.
This leads me to my second question: Who are you investing in? You have had others pour themselves into you, and you have been blessed by it. Now, who will you pour yourself in to? Who will you invest in?
Here’s a third question: Who do you need to forgive? Along the way we have had people who have hurt us, slandered us, and betrayed us. In order to play the next half of your life at full capacity, you need to shed the bitterness and the resentment that holds you back. I have seen too many people shackled by unforgiveness. So forgive them. The Apostle Paul provides some great advice on this mater in Ephesians 4: 31-32:
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
So, we have three questions about our relationships:
- Who do you need to thank?
- Who will you invest in?
- Who do you need to forgive?
Now let’s turn to your work. I would like you to begin to think differently about your work during this next season of your life. In his book, Halftime, Bob Buford makes this observation: Most people spend the first half of their life trying to be successful, and the second half trying to be significant. Success is often measured by possessions and positions. Yet significance is measured by the difference you make that will last beyond your life on this earth. Significance has to do with your legacy. So let me ask you: What will your legacy be? What difference will you make in your sphere of influence?
Well, I have challenged those without formal authority and positions. Let me now challenge those who do have formal authority. You have a power base to operate from and because of your position people are dependent on you. How will you handle their dependency? Will you use your power for their benefit or your own? Will you be a servant-leader or a self-serving leader? It really boils down to this one question: What is your motive?
I began this blog by suggesting that this is really a halftime talk in the locker room of the game of life. And as I have asked you to consider these questions, I must also admit that I have been asking myself these halftime questions lately. I am currently transitioning from a 4 year tour of duty as the dean of the largest MBA program in the southwestern United States. I am taking a sabbatical for the next 4 months and then returning to the classroom full-time in the summer.I have found a great scripture that helps me sort through these questions. It comes again from the Apostle Paul (you'll see - I really like Paul!), and again from his letter to the Ephesians (Ephesians 2:8-10):
"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."
In my journal over the last several months, I have been asking God to show me those good works that He wants me to walk in. I have also been evaluating new opportunities through this grid by praying: “Lord is this one of those good works that you prepared beforehand for me to walk in?”
As you prepare for the next half of your life, let me encourage you to not omit God from your planning. Too often we are “practical atheists” – we claim to know Him yet live our lives and make decisions as if we didn’t.Four years ago, the faculty of the Graduate School of Management and the president of the University asked me to serve as Dean. I resisted their invitation because I felt that I was doing a great work in the classroom and having a significant impact on the lives of my students. In fact I paraphrased an Old Testament character, Nehemiah, who was rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem by saying:
"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3)
Now I am returning to that great work with the intent of finishing strong during the second half of my life. My goal is to make intensely intentional investments in the lives of those around me. I believe that this is one of the good works that God has prepared beforehand for me to walk in. In fact, I believe it is a great work that deserves my focused attention – and with His help, I will not come down until it is finished.
My hope for each one you is that you would discover the good works that God prepared beforehand for you to walk in and that among those good works you would find that great work that energizes and consumes you – a great work that will define your legacy. A great work that will not only allow you to be successful, but to be significant.
Here's a prayer for you as you star this new year - as you start the second half of your life. I found at the end of Craig Groeschel's latest book It: How Churches and Leaders can Get It and Keep It:
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and the exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out to your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
And I add: May God bless you with a vision for the second half of your life, a vision that engages you in a great work that allows you to say " I am doing a great work and I cannot come down!"
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