Given the importance of cheating, let me provide some clarification of what I am talking about. When we cheat we are making a trade-off decision. We are choosing to give up one thing in hopes of gaining something else of greater value. So in terms of this broad definition, we are all cheaters. Everyday we make decisions to give something up in order to gain something else or to do something else.
If we are really honest, many of us are choosing to spend our physical and emotional energy in our work, and we are cheating our spouses and our families. The sad thing is they are often codependents who enable us to cheat them. We get wrapped up in a project, in an important client engagement, a season of intense work commitments and they “understand.”
They love us and they want to be supportive. They are mentally willing to support us.
While I was investing myself in in getting my MBA and growing my career during the early years of our marriage, Laura was at home juggling two, then three, then four children who were under 7 years old. She understood. She was emotionally willing. But, if left to that course, eventually her emotional willingness would be overcome by physical exhaustion.
The truth is, she was being cheated and she was only getting the leftovers.
So let me ask you some questions:
- Where are you cheating?
- Who are you cheating?
- Who feels cheated?
Are you squirming yet? Getting a little uncomfortable –maybe, even a lot?
Good.
Now, that I have created some tension in your system, let me take some pressure off: Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not your organization skills. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble into the best time management techniques. And the problem is not that your spouse demands too much from you.
THE PROBLEM IS: There is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced – or others have convinced you – needs to get done. There is just not enough time in your day to be all things to all people.
THE SOLUTION is we need to learn how cheat with purpose, to cheat by design. We need to become strategic cheaters. We need to learn to cheat according to our greatest purpose. Strategic cheating is all about setting priorities based on God’s principles.
A “Now God” Moment
In order to get some insight into strategic cheating, I would like us to look briefly at the life of an Old Testament hero named Daniel.
The story unfolds in Daniel 1. Daniel was faced with a similar dilemma that we are. He was faced with a decision that would require him to either cheat his earthly king or cheat his heavenly Father. Without knowing how it would play out, Daniel made a commitment. He decided to cheat the king so he could honor God. Notice, he made the commitment before he knew how he would implement it.
But I want you to also notice what happened immediately after Daniel made his commitment. God showed up! It was a “Now God…” moment!
“But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king's choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself. Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials.” (Daniel 1:8-9)
When Daniel made the commitment to live by God’s principles, God showed up to clear the path. When we are willing to set our priorities and make commitments that honor God, He is willing to touch down in the midst of our personal chaos and bring the order and balance we so desperately need.
If we are to be strategic cheaters, we need to follow Daniel’s pattern:
- Make a Commitment
- Develop a Plan
- Set up a Trial
I have no doubt hit a sensitive issue for many of you. I would like to encourage you to make a commitment before you leave this blog. Commit to re-prioritizing your schedule according to God’s principles.
As you make this commitment, I want to encourage you not to substitute a condition for a commitment. Don’t say “when we finish this project I will change my schedule”, or “if I can just win this account, I will back off” or "When this semester is over." When we make our commitments conditional, we are saying that our spouse is not really the priority after all. Make your commitment an unconditional commitment.
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus said “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Like Daniel, we need to develop a plan. And like Daniel we need to set up a test. Don’t make a lifelong commitment, make a 30 day commitment.
And like Daniel, we need to make the commitment before we know how it will be implemented. And when we do, we set ourselves up for a “Now God” moment.
You see, when we surrender our will to the Heavenly Father, he takes responsibility for the outcome of the journey.
Are you ready to trade merely surviving for thriving?
Start cheating!
2 comments:
GREAT post!! I know this is probably Satan whispering in my ear and trying to take God's word and turn it around but I have a question for you. When I was reading the verse in Daniel, the words that jumped out at me where the "so he sought permission". Because of my personality I always want to plan first and then commit to my plan. I understand where you are going with the idea of committing first but where does that fall with the idea of "seeking permission". Maybe I am just feeling convicted and looking for a loop hole - but that part of the verse puzzled me.
Kara: your question is so good, I have decided to devote my next post to trying to answer it!
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