38 Christmases and Counting!

Laura and I have been together for 38 Christmases.

This picture was taken when I was playing Santa Claus at Sears in 1974.

Laura came in to see Santa and have her picture made with me.

(Yes, that's my Arlington High class ring she is wearing!)

Now we have some more reasons for a Merry Christmas.

This is Easton's First Christmas!

This is Landrie, Karsyn, and their new little brother Ryan with Santa Claus.

Ryan arrived just in time for this to be his First Christmas too!

Let Me Introduce You to Ryan Marshall Kirk

Our newest addition arrived on December 15, 2011.

Now, bothe Landrie and Karsyn are BIG Sisters!

Finishing Weird - Part 5

Weird people don’t finish like normal people finish.

Weird people finish the course and fulfill their ministry.

Acts 20:24   "But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."

1 Timothy 6:12   "Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

2 Timothy 4:5-8   "But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. "

I want to finish strong. I want to finish weird. But, I cannot do that in my own strength. So, I am asking for divine intervention:

Lord, help me to fight the good fight, to keep the faith and to finish the course.

Finishing Weird - Part 4

Weird people don’t finish like normal people finish.

Weird people walk in the good works He prepared for them to walk in and they don’t grow weary of doing good.

Ephesians 2:10   "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

Galatians 6:9   "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

2 Thessalonians 3:13   "But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good."

I want to finish strong, to finish weird. But, I cannot do that in my own strength. So, this is my prayer:

Lord show me the good works you prepared beforehand for me to walk in and don’t let me lose heart or grow weary of doing good.

Finishing Weird - Part 3

Weird people don’t finish like normal people finish.

Weird people run to win and run with endurance.

1 Corinthians 9:24-25   "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Hebrews 12:1-2   "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I want to finish strong. I want to finish weird. But, I cannot do that in my own strength. Therefore, this is my prayer:

Lord give me the strength to run with endurance the race you have set before me. Help me to run in such a way that I may win.

Finishing Weird Part 2

Earlier this year our pastor, Craig Groeschel released his book, Weird.

The theme of the book is that we are called to be weird - in a God weird way - because normal isn't working.

In this and the next several posts, I will be building on Craig's book and elaborating on what I am calling Finishing Weird.

But first, at bit of overview on being weird:

“If you want what normal people have, do what normal people do.

If you want what few people have, do what few people do.”

• Weird people don’t think like normal people think.

Romans 12:1-2   "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

• Weird people don’t live like normal people live.

1 Peter 2:11-12   "Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation."

• Weird people don’t finish like normal people finish.

Finishing Weird

You don't have to be around me for very long before I mention one of my heroes: Coach Carter.

I had the privilege of playing for him when he was the head coach at Arlington High. He's a legend in my mind. As part of the "greatest generation," he landed on Normandy Beach on D-Day. After WW2, he became a teacher and a coach. He began his career at Wichita Falls during the time when Wichita Falls was a football powerhouse like Odessa Permian, Southlake Carrol, and Euless Trinity have been in more recent years.

Football was so dominant at Wichita Falls that they didn't have a a basketball coach. Each year the coaching staff drew straws to determine who would coach the basketball team that year. One year, Coach Carter drew the straw, but confessed he knew nothing about basketball. Fortunately, the legendary Henry Iba was holding a clinic the weekend before the season began, so Coach Carter went to Oklahoma to hear him. During the Q&A session, someone asked Iba what the keys to his success were. He responded that there were two things his teams did. First, they didn't let anyone drive the lane. Coach Carter's hand shot up with a question, "What's the lane?" Everyone laughed, but Iba realized the question was sincere and patiently answered the question. Then he proceeded to his second key which was "We do a whole lot of checking on defense." Again Coach Carter raised his hand, "What's checking?"

The following Monday the basketball team assembled for their first practice. Coach Carter told them, "We may not do much else this year, but we're going to do two things! First, we're not going to let anyone drive the lane. And second, we're going to do a whole lot of checking on defense." That year his basketball team lost the state championship by two points.

I asked Coach Carter if he ever thought about coaching at the college level. "Only once," he replied. "Darrell called. He wanted me to coach the secondary at Texas. I actually thought about it for two days."

Coach Carter "retired" in 1981 and moved to Marlowe, Oklahoma. Once he settled there, he began volunteering as a football and track coach. He is now 89 years old and still coaching.

In 2002, the Marlowe track complex was named the "Bill Carter Track-and-Field Complex."

Friday September 3, 2010 was designated Bill Carter Day in the state of Oklahoma.

He still competes in the Senior Olympics and sets world records for his age group each year. And all of this he has done since he "retired" !

Last year an Oklahoma TV station did a story on Coach Carter.


In his book, Halftime, Bob Buford observes that we tend to spend the first half of our lives trying to be successful. Then, in the second half we start focusing on being significant. I would add that even that is weird.

Most of the people I know, simply check out when their kids leave the nest. They defer to younger people to do the work and the volunteering, often times claiming they had paid their dues and its someone else's turn.

That's normal. But, we are called to be weird! To live weird, and to finish weird - because normal doesn't work.

Coach Carter is weird! At a time when others have not just moved to the sidelines, but have retired to the bleachers as observers, he is still in the game!

I want to be like Coach Carter, finishing strong, finishing weird.

Because normal isn't working.

Zem's Rule

I had a meltdown a few weeks ago.

The catalyst for the meltdown was an overwhelming feeling of technological incompetence. You see, I was preparing to teach on-line for the first time in my life and although I have all of the content for the course, I am really challenged around the technology and all of the details associated with the course design.

I felt alone, incompetent, and absolutely incapable of taking the very next step on the project. In fact, I had no clue what the very next step might be.

And I had a meltdown. Ready to quit, throw in the towel, and pretty sure that I was probably not qualified to ever teach again, on-line or otherwise.

In the midst of it all I reached out for help. My colleagues that had been through this same territory were patient with me. They encouraged me, they showed me what to do, and they patiently answered the same questions over and over again.

Its all really funny now. The course development is complete, and I think its going to be a great course.

Looking back, I am reminded of the advice my friend Zem once gave me:

"The crisis that you think will end it all on Monday

will be over by Thursday."

Well, the crisis lasted a little more than 4 days; but it is over now!

The sun continued to rise, I walked through the discomfort, I was not alone, and I will be a better teacher because of the process.

I often tell my students to "allow yourself the discomfort." Through this experience, I was reminded of how difficult it is to follow that advice.

I was also reminded of how valuable that advice is.

A Special Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for and I am intentional about cultivating a spirit of gratitude throughout the year.

But Thanksgiving prompts us to focus even more on our blessings.

This year Thanksgiving falls on November 24, which happens to be my 33rd anniversary. So, its a special Thanksgiving because in addition to giving thanks for all of my blessings, I get to celebrate 33 years of marriage with the love of my life!

Thank you Lord for bringing her into my life!

Thank you Laura for being in my life!

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than human tongue can tell and that's all

I don’t love you much do I?
Remember how I kissed you in the hall

See how it sparkles in my eyes
I couldn’t hide it if I tried- that’s right

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than anything else in this whole world

I don’t love you much do I?
Just more than all the stars in the sky

I don’t love you much do I?
I think you hung the moon and that’s alright

I don’t love you much do I?
You can feel it all the way across the room

I don’t love you much do I?
Like the spring doesn’t make the flowers bloom

I don’t love you much do I?

I'd follow you to hell and back again

I don’t love you much do I?
Just watch me light up when you walk in

Tis the Season

Holidays are upon us. They always seem to sneak up on me, even when I know they're coming.

But that's not the season I am referring to.

Its the "second season" of High School football: Playoffs!

Yesterday I finished my last class of the trimester and headed to the stadium to see Euless Trinity play Allen. We (TRINITY!) eliminated them last year in the same round of the playoffs and they were highly rated - #2 in the state polls. We're only ranked 3rd.

Both teams were undefeated and its a shame two top teams have to meet in Round 2. Somebody's season was coming to an end.

But not Trinity's!

We prevailed with a dominating rushing attack (522 yards rushing). Our tailback had 356 yards on 33 carries. The offensive line was very OFFENSIVE!

Every week will be difficult from now on out. But it doesn't get any better than this. High school football is the purest form of the game. The players aren't recruited and they don't get paid.

And the best football played in the stadium over in Arlington will again be on Fridays and Saturdays in November and December!

One More Time: What's Your Motive?

I keep coming back to this question. I keep asking it of others because I need to keep asking it of myself.

What's Your Motive?

Let's drill down some on this by asking the following questions:

• Why are you planing to do this?


• What's the reason behind your doing that?


• Why did you say yes (or no)?


• What's your motive for writing that letter?


• Why are you excited about this new opportunity?


• Why did you post that on your Facebook?


• Why did you tell that story?


• Why do you count the number of books you read each year?


• Why did you mention his or her name?


• What causes you to bring up that subject?

What is your motive?

Readings for Leading

Several weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting a man I think is one of the greatest communicators and leaders I have ever known. Getting to meet him personally was a great honor. And his personal humility was refreshing. During our brief conversation, he asked me “What leadership books should I be reading that I haven’t read yet?”

I didn't give a very good answer at the moment, but I thought about it for a couple of days and then sent an email to a member of his leadership team.

It’s a pretty good list for all of us who are interested in leadership, so I thought I would share it with you as well.

One of the best "spiritual" leadership books I have ever read is J.I. Packer's book on Nehemiah, Passion for Faithfulness: Wisdom from the Book of Nehemiah. The intro was challenging, but when he gets into the book of Nehemiah it is great!

Other "spiritual" leadership book recommendations:

Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership

Reggie McNeal, A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders

One of the best leadership books ever is Ron Heifetz and Martin Linsky, Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive Through the Dangers of Leading. He has an interesting framework based on a distinction between technical problems and adaptive challenges. A technical problem exists where the problem is identified, the solution is known, and the leader provides the answer. An adaptive challenge exists when we have to learn our way to understanding the problem, learn our way to the solution, and the locus of the solution is the people with the problem. The leader's job is to facilitate the adaptive work. The last part of this book is the best treatment I have seen on what leader's need to do to guard their hearts and stay in the game.

Finally, if y'all haven't read The Arbinger Group's Leadership and Self-Deception, I highly recommend it as well. It's a fable, like Lencioni's stuff. Really good.

That was the original list I sent. With several weeks of additional thought I would also add:

Bill Hybels, The Courageous Leader
Andy Stanley, Visioneering and The Next Generation Leader
Craig Groeschel, It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It

Let me know when you finish this list and I will give you some additional recommendations.

As I tell my students: Read Early; Read Often!
(kind of like voting in Chicago!)

The Languages of Appreciation

For several years I have taught The 5 Love Languages as part of the various marriage classes I have developed. I always thought there was an application for this material in the workplace. Well, I guess I was right because Gary Chapman and Paul White recently published The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

Their book is based on the 5 Love Languages framework and focuses on a need we all have: the need to be appreciated. We can understand this by placing it in the context of the various need theories of motivation we teach in Organizational Behavior courses. You're probably familiar with one of these models: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. According to these models, a need is any perceived psychological or physiological deficiency. When we experience a deficiency, our behavior is driven to eliminate that deficiency. When the need is met, it no longer motivates our behavior.

Unlike the needs in Maslow's hierarchy that go away when they are satisfied, I think the need to be appreciated remains constant. But like feeling loved, each of us has our own unique way that we want that appreciation expressed. Successful leaders understand this and work hard to understand the "appreciation language" of their followers. In fact, these leaders become students of their followers and customize the way they express their appreciation.

So what are the 5 Languages of Appreciation?

1. Words of Affirmation: These can be expressed verbally or in handwritten notes.
2. Quality Time: Spending time with the person, asking - and actually listening to the their response - how they're doing, just dropping by their office and giving them focused attention.
3. Acts of Service: This would include pitching in to help on a project or sharing the load on an important deadline-driven assignment.
4. Tangible Gifts: Rather than generic awards and plaques, these gifts should be customized for the individual. What would be meaningful to them? Concert tickets to see their favorite band; World Series Tickets
5. Physical Touch: Chapman and White downplay this one for the workplace -for obvious reasons.

As with the Love Languages, we tend to default to our own preferred language when expressing appreciation (or love). If I am going to be effective in communicating my appreciation - and by effective I mean in a way that my appreciation is really felt by the recipient - then I must communicate in their language.

That may mean that I need to get out of my comfort zone, and that's OK, because leadership is not about me.

Mentored ... From a Distance

One of the books I finally got around to reading this summer was Howard Gardner's Leading Minds. It had been in my library for a while, but I hadn't read it. (There are several books in that category. Its the consequence of a book fetish!)

Gardner makes a distinction between leading directly and leading indirectly. I think we could also apply that distinction to mentoring. There have been several men who have mentored me directly. But there have also been several who mentored me indirectly.

This idea came to me this summer as I began arranging my books on the new bookshelves we added this summer. I have a section in the shelves for the books and authors who had made a significant impact on my spiritual life.

Here are the books that inhabit that special section in my library:

Joe Aldrich, Life-Style Evangelism. This says more about what the church and believers should be, than what we should do.

Gary Friesen, Decision-Making and the Will of God.

Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness and The Pursuit of Holiness.

John MacArthur, The Ultimate Priority. In case your wondering, the ultimate priority is worship. Between this book and Doug Sherman's book, I learned that worship is a "whole-life" concept and that everything we do is to be lived out as an act of worship.

Doug Sherman, Your Work Matters to God; How to Balance Competing Time Demands; and How to Succeed Where it Really Counts. Doug's books helped me to develop my whole-life view of success based on his idea of the pentathlon.

Lewis Sperry Chafer, He That is Spiritual. The best book on the doctrine of the Holy Spirit and what it means to "walk in the spirit."

Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God and The Jesus I Never Knew.

Chuck Swindoll, Strike the Original Match. Still my go-to book on marriage. This is the foundational text for the Legacy Marriage course I developed.

Gene Getz, Sharpening the Focus of the Church. Ahead of his time in calling for a church that is relevant to the culture in which it operates.

Richard Foster, Prayer. The introduction alone is powerful.

Gordon McDonald, Ordering Your Private World; Restoring Your Spiritual Passion; Rebuilding Your Broken World; The Life God Blesses; Mid-Course Correction; A Resilient Life; and Building Below the Water Line.

I consider these books mentors- although from a distance through the written word - just as much as I do those who mentored me directly.

They aren't substitutes for the direct mentors, but they are strong complements.

We need both.

Catch and Release

Many of my friends – and my son – really enjoy fishing. For them it’s the joy of being on the water early in the morning or late in the evening, patiently casting and recasting. The thrill comes when a fish takes the bait and the fight is on to bring it in.

Successfully reeling it in is always accompanied by some shouting, some bragging, and on a few occasions - picture taking. (Now, I have to admit that these fish all look the same and I have even wondered if it wasn’t the same fish being caught over and over. Or, the same picture being recycled.)

Earlier this summer, I said good-bye to a man I have been mentoring for the last 6 years. It wasn’t really good-bye, but he has moved to Colorado and our relationship will change. And that’s OK.

I have thought a lot about how our relationship has evolved over the last 6 years. In many ways, it can be described as “catch and release.”

I “caught” him 6 years ago when I was serving as Dean and he was making a career transition. He was already a very accomplished author and consultant, but he was new to the academic world.

I invested intentionally in him for 6 years. Like a proud father, I watched with great pleasure as he became a star on the faculty and was named the first winner of a very prestigious teaching award. We wrote several papers together, and just last month submitted our book manuscript to the publisher. It has been a great collaborative relationship, and that collaboration will continue, even at a distance.

Those of us who mentor others understand that these opportunities present themselves for a season. We have people for a season, we make intensely intentional investments in them, and then we release them.

Like fishing: It’s all about “catch and release.”

Easton J Whittington is here!

One week ago today, Easton arrived!

I say finally because we tried to accelerate his arrival on May 24th, but his time had not yet come!

We all got to experience first-hand the truth of John 16:21:

^"Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. "

Shannon and Justin have been great in taking on their new roles as Mommy and Daddy.

And Lolly and Pops are excited to have our grandparenting roles expanded!

Best Advice Ever?

Its graduation season. All across the country friends and families are gathering to watch their children, siblings, and sometimes even their parents walk across the stage, receive a diploma, and shake the university president's hand. They aim their cameras at the stage to catch the precise moment when the years of sacrifice, prayer, and holding of breath wondering if this would ever happen, finally culminates.

A key element of the graduation ceremony is the commencement address where a speaker challenges the graduates to go forth and make a difference in their world. These speeches are often filled with wisdom and sage advice.

As I reflected on this process while attending a graduation ceremony recently, I began thinking about the advice that I have received over the years. These are some things I might tell graduates if I ever deliver a commencement address again. (Yes, you read it correctly. I have done two of them).

Here is a sampling from the inventory of advice I have collected over the years:

"As a manager, your job is to create an environment where people can perform." (From my father when I got my first managerial position)

"As a teacher, your job is to create an environment where people can learn." (From my dad when I first started teaching)

"The greatest inheritance a father can give his children is to love their mother." (From Ken Kilinski, pastor of Pantego Bible Church)

"Know what you know; know what you don't know and don't be afraid to ask for help." (From Jim, CEO Industrial Air & Hydraulics)

"If its not illegal, immoral, or permanent, don't make a federal case out of it." (Parenting advice from our friend Karla )

"Don't let your children come home from college for the first six weeks of the freshman year." (Parenting advice from our friends the Holders)

Those are some gems of wisdom I have received. I'd like to hear from you.

What is the best advice you have received?

WEIRD Leadership

“If you want what normal people have, do what normal people do. If you want what few people have, do what few people do.”

Over the last several weeks at LifeChurch, our pastor, Craig Groeschel has been in a series called “Weird.” He has challenged us to be weird – in a God-way – because normal isn’t working. He has talked about being weird in a God-way in terms of relationships, sex, finances, the use of time, and our values.

I want to extend the WEIRD paradigm to leadership. I think we need to become weird leaders, because … normal leadership does not work. As I thought about this paradigm extension, I decided that Legacy Leadership is weird!

What does weird leadership look like? Here are a few weird – Legacy -leadership principles:

1. Legacy leaders are weird because they understand that leadership is not about them, but that it starts with them. They know that leadership begins within and works its way out. Their being – character and integrity – determines their doing.

2. Legacy leaders are weird because they are intensely intentional about investing themselves in others. This is really weird because some of the people we invest in will leave our organization and join other organizations. Legacy leaders are weird because they think that is OK. They invest deeply in people to help them become all that God designed them to be, and they are comfortable with the idea that in order for people to flourish they may need a different environment.

3. Legacy leaders are weird because they measure their impact by changed lives, not market share, revenue growth, building campaigns, or the size of the audience.

4. Legacy leaders are weird because they are intensely intentional about creating more legacy leaders.

5. Legacy leaders are weird because they take the idea of legacy seriously. They understand that living and leading a legacy is about being a blessing to others now and for generations to come.

As leaders, I think it’s time to get weird! Because normal is not working.

Read Early, Read Often

I hated reading when I was a kid. My mother would take me to the public library in Odessa and I would check out books based on the number of pictures. I just didn't like to read.

When I went to Austin College, something happened. I became enamored with the world of ideas, and started to read. I became obsessed with reading. That obsession continues to grow. Some would even say I have a book fetish! There are books everywhere in my house and my office.

I really love to read. And I read a lot - as you probably know by now. I am not a fast reader; but, I am a diligent reader. I read every morning during my "quiet time." ( I really don't like that phrase, but I don't know what else to call it.) I read while riding the stationary bike at the gym, and I read every night before I fall asleep. I read early and often.

The pace of my reading is off some this year. I am reading some really long books, so the quantity isn't at the same pace as the last few years. But so far, I think the quality is up. Here's the list so far - a kind of first quarter report (for those of you who are conditioned to think in terms of quarterly reviews):

1. An Object of Beauty, Steve Martin

2. House Rules, Jodi Picoult

3. What I Didn't Learn in Business School: How Strategy Works in the Real World, Jay Barney & Trish Gorman Clifford

4. South of Broad, Pat Conroy

5. Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, Ree Drummond

6. 1776, David McCullough

7. Cutting for Stone, Abraham Verghese

8. Happy to Do It: Get Your Snap On, Randy Draper

9. Heaven is for Real, Todd Burpo

10. Beach Music, Pat Conroy

The Learning Mindset

Effective leaders must cultivate and maintain a learning mindset.

A learning mindset is characterized by a sense of ongoing learning and transformation. Those who have a learning mindset view challenging events and situations as opportunities to learn something new. They are constantly seeking new information that will challenge them and sharpen their leadership skills. There are several ways to do this: attend leadership conferences, take courses on leadership, observe leaders from a variety of contexts, interview other leaders, seek wise counsel from mentors, listen to your followers, seek feedback on strengths and weaknesses, and read.

Leaders who have a learning mindset are motivated to learn in as many situations as possible. In contrast, those who do not have this mindset are often motivated to learn in as few situations as possible.

You know that I am a reader, and I have a strong opinion about the importance of reading as a personal discipline for leaders.

I recently read a comment from a person who said that he didn't read leadership books because those books were answering questions that he was not asking. On the surface, this comment seems reasonable. Yet, if we really reflect on the comment it is very troubling for at least a couple of reasons.

First, there is the assumption that he knows all the questions that he should be asking. I am always drawn to the new questions that are raised when I read a leadership book. I like it when I have to respond, "Wow, I had never considered that" or, "That's a good question and I'm going to start asking it!" The self-referential position that I already know all of the questions that I should be asking sets me up to be blind-sided by situations that I had not anticipated.

A second issue with this person's perspective is the problem of selective exposure. This is a bias that we all fall into. It is the tendency to seek out information that reinforces what we already think and to avoid, or discount, information that contradicts what we already think.

As leaders we need to cultivate a learning mindset and allow ourselves the discomfort of being exposed to ideas that challenge our assumptions and predetermined conclusions.

We need to humbly admit that we don't have all the answers.

In fact, we may not even have all the right questions.

What Does a Mentor Look For?

One of the greatest joys I have is intentionally investing in the lives of others.

By now you should recognize that as my definition of leadership. I am learning that that process takes place in a wide variety of settings, in multiple venues. Sometimes its one on one over coffee, sometimes its in a small group setting, sometimes its in a classroom.

I am always looking for these opportunities. In particular, I am looking for a certain kind of person. Here are some of the questions I ask when evaluating a potential investment opportunity:

• Does he have a teachable spirit? Is he an eager learner?

• Is he goal-oriented? Does he want to set being, as well as doing, goals?

• Is he seeking a challenging assignment?

• Is he willing to take on additional responsibilities?

• Does he take initiative?

• Is he willing to accept personal responsibility of his growth and development?

While each of these questions is important, the single most important issue is the teachable spirit. I have been approached by people who say they want a mentor, yet they do not want to be taught. These people are "feedback-resistant," defensive or self-promoting. They don't put themselves in a position to learn. These situations simply don't work for a mentor and the time - the investment effort - is wasted.

Are you looking for a mentor?

Do you have what a mentor is looking for?

What Does a Mentor Do?

Hopefully I am beginning to convince of the need for the intentional investment of a mentor in your life. But perhaps you’re still skeptical about this and you’re wondering what exactly a mentor does.

Here’s a partial list of the contribution mentors have made in my life and the role I have played as a mentor for others:

A mentor:

• Is a source of information
• Provides wisdom
• A Promotes specific skills and effective behaviors
• Provides feedback
• Coaches
• Is a sounding board
• Someone to turn to in times of crisis
• Helps devise plans
• Nurtures curiosity

The Marks of a Mentor

I have been blessed to have had several mentors throughout my life. The impact these men had on me is hard to describe. It’s even more difficult to fully express the gratitude I have for their investment in me. I have tried to express my gratitude to them in several ways on several occasions. Those efforts never seem to be adequate.

Several years ago it dawned on me that the best way to say “Thank You!” is to be to others what they are to me. In essence, the best way to thank them is to pay it forward.

I call this process Legacy Logic.

These men were mentors for me, and now I have the privilege of being a mentor to others. I know I am biased, but I think we all need mentors, and we need them throughout our lifespan and and in the various arenas of our lives.

So, what should you look for in a mentor? Here are some characteristics that mark effective mentors:

• Seems to have what you personally need
• Cultivates relationships
• Is willing to take a chance on you
• Is respected by other Christians
• Has a network of resources
• Is consulted by others
• Both talks and listens
• Is consistent in their lifestyle
• Is able to diagnose your needs
• Is concerned with your interests

Do you have someone like this in your life? If so, be thankful and express your gratitude.

If not, ask God to guide you to someone who can play this important role in your life.

Do You Fit?

There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear.

For the bulk of my teaching career I have challenged my students to consider their fit with their current organization or a potential new employer. It’s an important consideration.

My understanding of fit has evolved over the years. My initial framework for fit had two primary dimensions. The first dimension has to do with having the skills that match the requirements for the job. For example, having a degree in accounting is necessary for a financial analyst position.

The second level of fit has to do with the rewards of the job satisfying the employee’s needs. This actually has two parts. First the tangible rewards that the job provides must meet the tangible needs of the employee. Tangible needs and rewards include salary and benefits. But, there is more. There are intangible needs that must be met by the job. For instance, I have a need for variety. Just the thought of doing the same task repeatedly drives me crazy. I also like my autonomy – setting my own pace and having the freedom to approach my work from my own unique perspective. So, when evaluating a job, these intangible factors are as important to me as the tangibles.

For many years, this is where my understanding of fit stopped. Then, we sold our company and a new management team took over. They had a completely different approach to business and treated people in a way that would never have been accepted by our previous leadership team. In fact, I came up with a name for this new group. I called them the BOHICANS. That’s based on the acronym for Bend Over, Here it Comes Again!

I worked for the Bohicans for a while, but became increasingly uncomfortable. In fact, the stress level of working there got to the point that I would begin getting nauseated on Sunday afternoons anticipating having to go back to work on Monday. It was kind of weird. I was making more money than I ever had. I had a lucrative quarterly bonus that I always received. Yet something was missing.

I began to wonder whether I fit in this new organization. As I examined this, I discovered a third dimension to the fit model. I realized that my values didn’t line up with the values of the organization. It wasn’t a good vs bad judgment; rather, it was just that I didn’t fit. My philosophy of business and my beliefs about how people should be treated just weren’t in line with the Bohicans.

This lack of fit became a catalyst for a major change in my life. In fact, this poor fit became the impetus for me to leave the corporate environment and return to school to pursue my Ph.D. and transition into a new career of university teaching and consulting. A huge decision that has paid off beyond our wildest imagination!

For the last 15 years, my discussion of fit has stopped at this third level. Yet some recent experiences have again caused me to revisit the fit model. I found myself in an organization where everything seemed to fit, yet something seemed to be missing. Reflecting on this had led to yet another evolution of my fit equation. This one has to do with the “personality” of the organization.

We usually think of individuals having personalities and a useful framework for doing this is a two-dimensional model that has level of activity on one axis and affect on the other. The activity axis ranges from passive to active. The affect axis ranges from negative to positive. If affect is a new term for you consider this: We all know people who have what we would call “Yes-faces” – that’s positive affect. Negative affect is the technical term for people with “No-faces.” (And right now some of each of these people popped into your mind!)

So, we have four possible personality combinations: Active-Positive, Active-Negative, Passive-Positive, and Passive-Negative.

I would suggest that we could use the same framework to describe an organization. And thus we now have a new dimension of fit that needs to be considered: Positive people don’t fit in negative, cynical organizations. And people who are active, get very frustrated in organizations that move slowly. While a crazy, rapid pace can be chaotic, when the pace is too slow, active people become frustrated. It’s kind of like driving behind someone who is driving below the posted speed limit. Even if you’re headed in the same direction, you keep running into them from behind.

Do you fit in your current organization?

Leaders are Readers

Leaders must be intentional about investing in their own development as a leader. One way to do this, is to read books about leadership.

By now you know that I like to read. For me, it comes with the territory of being a teacher. As a teacher whose primary teaching area is leadership, I read a lot of leadership books. And I have some recommendations for your own developmental reading.

Here's the list of Leadership Books I read in 2010. Most were good, but the ones I most highly recommend are emphasized in bold print:

Leadership Books 2010

1. Derailed, Tim Irwin
2. Theodore Rex, Edmund Morris
3. Holy Ambition, Chip Ingram
4. Leadership: Influence that Inspires, Chuck Swindoll
5. Credibility: How Leaders Gain it and Lose It and Why People Demand It, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner
6. Leading When it Hurts, Jeff Iorg
7. Why Great Men Fall, Wayde Goodall
8. Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls, Noel Tichy & Warren Bennis
9. David: A Man of Passion and Destiny, Chuck Swindoll
10. Think Again: Why Good Leaders Make Bad Decisions and How to Keep it From Happening to You, Sydney Finkelstein, Jo Whitehead, & Andrew Campbell
11. Rescuing Ambition, David Harvey
12. Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders, Reggie McNeal
13. Leaders Who Last, Dave Kraft
14. The Making of a Leader, Robert J. Clinton
15. John Adams, David McCullough
16. The Power of a Whisper, Bill Hybels
17. The Mentor Leader, Tony Dungy
18. Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership, Gary McIntosh & Samuel Rima
19. The Truth About Leadership, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner
20. Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations, Margaret Benefiel
21. Leadership and Self-Deception, The Arbinger Group
22. April 1865: The Month that Saved the Nation, Jay Winick

Leaders are Learners

One of my biggest disappointments came when a leader that I greatly admired told me not to give him anymore books or articles on leadership. He said he knew all he needed to know and wasn't interested in learning anything new.

Wow. I couldn't believe he said that.

That was over 25 years ago and the comment still haunts me. I hope I never get to the point that I think I have learned all I need to know about leadership - or husbanding, parenting, or any kind of relationship for that matter!

One of favorite contemporary leaders is Bill Hybels, the founding pastor of Willow Creek Community Church. He is a leader of leaders and continues to challenge himself and others to grow as a leader.

At the close of the Leadership Summit last year, Hybels issued this challenge:

"Those with leadership gifts have to step up and step it up.

In order to do so, leaders must engage in leadership development as a discipline, not as recreation.

A leader has to read to develop as a leader and they have to be around other leaders. If a leader is going to continue to grow as a leader, they must go where leadership is taught."

Hybels' challenge tells me that as leaders we must be intentional about investing in our own leadership development. We cannot afford to slack off on this and become stagnant.

So, given this challenge, let me ask: How are you doing on the discipline of developing your leadership?

Are you reading about leadership?

Are you seeking out other leaders?

Are you finding environments that teach leadership?


Or have you already learned everything you need to know about leadership?

Back at It

I haven't posted a blog entry since November. Some of you actually noticed. In fact, two of my friends even sent notes to make sure I was OK. Thanks Walt and Amanda!

Well, I am OK and back to blogging again.

I have spent some time on the balcony, making some observations and doing a lot of reflecting. As a result, I have several new thoughts flowing and I can't wait to share them with you.

Over the next several posts I plan to discuss the need to be intentional about our leadership development. I also want to share some recommended resources with you.

I have some new insights on several topics as well. Over the next several weeks I plan to discuss "fit,"mentoring, and followership. And I'd love to hear your take on these topics!

"Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.

I'm so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside."