OUCH!

I have often said that we need people in our lives who will tell us the truth and expose our blindspots.

For me, one of those people is my wife. She has a wonderful way of pointing out things that I don’t see.

It happened again this morning.

I was updating the list of books I have read this year. I mentioned to her that I had read 73 books this year.

Laura looked across the table and said: “You know what I have decided about you? You like the bragging rights! You like to brag about how many books you’ve read. You like to brag about how long you rode the bicycle during your workouts.”

Ouch!

But her observation made me wonder:

What is your motive for doing some of the things you do?
Are you only involved in those so you can tell others you are involved?
Are you just in it for the bragging rights?

When I pause and ponder those questions, I have to admit that my motive isn’t always pure. Too often, I do like to brag, I do like the attention.

Ouch!

But I am thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me enough to challenge my motives and reveal the stuff that’s in my blindspot.

Even when it hurts.

The Passion of a Professional

In the book, Everything They Had: Sports Writing from David Halberstam, there is a great quote from Julius Erving:

"Being a professional is doing the things you love to do, on the days you don't feel like doing them."

Halberstam used the quote to explain his own passion for writing, whether it was about history or sports.

I get it. You see, I am a professional teacher.

I am so blessed that I get to do what I love to do - what God has gifted me to do - and earn a great living doing it.

But there are days when I just don't feel like doing it. On those days, I often reflect on the notes and comments I have received from students over the years. Many of those notes were sent when the student had no way of knowing that I was in a funk. I think the Lord knew and He prompted them to send the note.

And when I read those notes I am reminded - again - that its not about me. I am reminded of why I do this. And I apologize to God for forgetting what a blessing it is to get to earn a living doing what I love to do - even when I don't feel like it.

Your Personal Report Card

I don't know about you, but for me the holiday season is usually a time for reflection, evaluation, and planning. Its a great time to give ourselves a "report card." Here's one I adopted from
Leading on Empty, Wayne Cordeiro's book, Leading on Empty.

This report card is essentially a personal “dashboard” that includes several gauges that monitor and measure the vital arenas of your life. The arenas represent the subsystems of life that are vital to our health and success.

The following arenas are suggested. The tool should be customized to fit your life situation. This evaluation should be done periodically. I would also suggest that you invite your spouse and other members of your inner circle to evaluate you in these areas.

Assign a letter grade for each arena. Be brutally honest with yourself. In addition to the letter grade you assign, write a few sentences that provide the basis for the grade assigned. Also, make notes on steps that need be taken to make improvements.


Faith Life

Marriage Life

Family Life

Work Life

Computer Life

Ministry Life

Financial Life

Social Life

Attitudinal Life

Physical Life

Other

Are there any arenas that require immediate maintenance and repair?

That Ought to Scare You

One of the most disappointing new events of 2009 has to be the Tiger Woods fiasco. For the last several weeks every day brought a new revelation. Millions of fans have been disappointed.

To me its a great example of a quote from one of my favorite leadership authors, Andy Stanley:

“Character is not essential to leadership. But character is what makes you a leader worth following. Your talent and giftedness as a leader have the potential to take you farther than your character can sustain you… That ought to scare you.”

Andy Stanley, The Next Generation Leader

Another one of my favorite leadership authors also had something to say about this:

"Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." (Paul, 1 Corinthians 10:11-13)

We set goals for the things we want to accomplish, yet we rarely set goals when it comes to developing our character. I think we should be as intentional about developing our character as we are about achieving material goals.

We also need to cultivate relationships with people who will challenge us and hold us accountable for those goals. We need a personal board of advisers that will challenge us - not enable us. We should invite their scrutiny and thank them for loving us enough to not let us destroy ourselves and the lives of those we love.

Remember:

"Your talent and giftedness as a leader have the potential to take you farther than your character can sustain you. That ought to scare you.”

Among Us - Part 2

"And He said to them, 'The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called 'Benefactors.' But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant.

For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves."
(Luke 22: 25-27)


This may be one of the greatest passages on leadership ever written. So, let's put this in context.

There seems to have been an on-going debate among the disciples about their rank and position in the coming kingdom of God. This issue was particularly acute for James and John. At one point, even their mother came making a request that they be granted a special position in the coming kingdom.

(See Matthew 20:20-28. This is what I have come to call the "mother of a son syndrome." I became aware of this coaching little league baseball. The mothers were much more difficult to deal with than the dads. At the time, I was not aware that such behavior had a biblical basis!)

In response to their wish, Jesus turns the whole idea of leadership upside down. Rather than advocating headship based on formal authority that is "lorded over" the followers, he advocates a leadership that is based on service.

But service is not done at a distance. Note that He says "I am among you as the one who serves."

Not separate, not isolated, not protected by a hierarchy and multiple levels of filters and screens.

"I am among you."

I have had some pretty direct conversations with high ranking officials in organizations who liked to advertise their "open door" policy. While that might sound good, it is a reactive and passive approach to leading. In each of these situations there were multiple obstacles that actually deterred access to these people. In contrast I advocated - rather strongly - that they needed to get out of their office, get beyond the filters of their organizational hierarchy, and get out among the people of their organization.

The Lord Himself took the initiative to "get out of the office" and dwell among us.

I think that's a pretty good role model.

Reading Material

I haven't posted my reading list since July. I didn't stop reading, I just didn't post the lists ... another symptom of "the fall" I experienced when the wheels came off during the autumn season.

So, here's the update/catch-up list of readings from August through December (so far):

August:

Oxygen, Carol Cassella

Shelter Me, Juliette Fay

The Tenth Circle, Jodi Picoult

A Passion for Faithfulness: Wisdom from the Book of Nehemiah, J.I. Packer

The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Tinkers, Paul Harding (count =57)

September:

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, Charles R. Swindoll

Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your Emotional Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness

Richard E. Boyatzis, Fran Johnston, Annie McKee

Hedgehogs and Foxes: Character, Leadership, and Command in Organizations, Abraham Zaleznik

Await Your Reply, Dan Chaon

Before Abraham: Creation, Sin, and the Character of God, John MacArthur

October:

Laugh Again, Charles R. Swindoll

Mentoring Like Jesus, Regi Campbell

Have a Little Faith, Mitch Albom

November:

The Father of Israel: Trusting God’s Promises, John MacArthur

Everything They Had: Sports Writing from David Halberstam

Mercy, Jodi Picoult

The Time It Never Rained, Elmer Kelton

December:

Jacob and Egypt: The Sovereignty of God, John MacArthur

Icy Sparks, Gwyn Hyman Rubio

Vanishing Acts, Jody Picoult


Those in bold faced type are highly recommended.

Among Us - Part 1

"BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL," which translated means, "GOD WITH US." (Matthew 1: 22-23)

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1: 1, 14)


As we celebrate the birth of Christ this week, I would like to consider the leadership implications of His coming.

There's a myth that permeates some leadership environments. Its the idea that the leader must be separated from those he or she leads. This involves keeping followers at arms length - or further. In the framework of culture analyst, Geert Hofstede, these leaders maintain a high power distance.

I don't agree.

For some time now, I have been defining leadership as intentional influence that takes place in the context of a relationship. Unpacking that definition shows that leadership is up close, its personal. It can not be done at a distance. It cannot be done effectively by maintaining a high power distance.

If God, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe decided to come and be with us and to dwell among us, how much more should we as human leaders choose to be with those we lead?

We too should be among those we lead.

My Proverbs 31 Woman

31 years ago today I stood in the Marsh living room and exchanged wedding vows with Laura. It was a small, informal ceremony, but all the people who had been significant in my life up to that time were there.

I was nervous. In fact I was sweating so bad that I went outside to cool off. Laura’s dad came outside with me. I have always wondered if he thought I might be bolting at the last minute.

I didn’t bolt. And 31 years later I can say I would do it all over again!

What a wonderful life we have had together. And it just keeps getting better and better!

If you have been around us, you know that I often praise Laura and refer to her as “My Proverbs 31 Woman.”

Just in case you aren’t familiar with that concept, here’s some of the passage I am referring to:

10An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

28Her children (and now her grand-children!) rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."

An excellent wife, who can find?

I thank the Lord that I did.

Boldness Amid Opposition

Leadership is about change. In fact, the phrase “change-agent” is often used to describe the work of a leader. Change is usually met with resistance if not outright opposition because leaders challenge the status quo. They challenge what is, and provide us a vision of a desirable future that appeals to our head and our heart. Yet, no matter how appealing that vision may be, change always creates stress and discomfort. In fact, change may create severe resistance and active opposition.

In spite of this opposition, leaders must have the courage to boldly continue to lead.

Paul exemplified this courageous persistence throughout his ministry. He states that “we had the boldness [italics added] in our God to speak to you the gospel of God amid much opposition [italics added]” (1 Thessalonians 2:2).

Leaders must be bold. But boldness is not bullying. Sometimes boldness is standing firm. And sometimes it is standing firm, quietly.

I came across a wonderful example of this kind of boldness while reading a collection of David Halberstam's sports writing, Everything They Had. He recounts the following conversation between Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickey during their first meeting:

Robinson: "Mr. Rickey, what do you want? Do you want a player with guts enough to fight back?"

Rickey: "I want a player with guts enough not to fight back."

That's a different - and refreshing -take on boldness. Leaders with strong personalities have a tendency to to steam roll over opposition and treat resistance as something to be eliminated. They view resistance as a whack-a-mole game at Chuck E. Cheese.

A more constructive approach is to view resistance as feedback.

While it is rarely stated this explicitly, resistance is actually a call for greater communication.

Those who resist change are doing so out of one or more types of fear: Fear of loss – of job, status, or relationships or fear of the unknown. Leaders need to reframe this resistance as a form of feedback. Resistance is telling the leader that there are concerns, fears, and underlying issues that have not been fully addressed.

A perceptive leader will recognize this as an opportunity to build commitment by proactively seeking to understand and address these issues.

Do you have that kind of boldness?

Do you have "guts enough to not fight back" and reframe resistance as feedback?

Projection

I don't know about you, but when someone tells me to trust them, a warning sign goes off. When someone says, "Trust me on this," it automatically causes me to wonder about their trustworthiness.

You see, I am a high-trust person and my tendency is to trust people until they give me a reason not to. So when someone tells me to trust them, I am suspect. Why are you having to tell me to trust you?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

One explanation for this phenomena may be provided by the pyschological concept of projection. Projection is the tendency to project on to others the same traits we possess, yet deny. Projection occurs when a person's own unacceptable or threatening feelings are repressed and then attributed to someone else.

I have been working my way through a series of studies in the Older Testament. Recently, I came across this description of Jacob:

"Jacob was also hindered by his own bad character. He had been deceitful and treacherous to others, including his own twin brother (whose birth-right he had stolen), and he therefore expected others to treat him in the same manner. Men who are not trustworthy have a very difficult time trusting others - including God, the only One who is truly trustworthy." (MacArthur, The Father of Israel, p. 89).

Trust is a key component of any relationship and it is particularly important in the leader-follower relationship. Think about it: Do you want to follow a leader you don't trust?

So, when a leader begins to demand that we trust them, or to demand our loyalty, I begin to wonder about this idea of projection.

• Are you demanding trust and loyalty because you are not trustworthy and loyal?
• Are you expecting me to breach trust and become disloyal because you yourself aren't trustworthy and loyal?

Some Call It Leadership

I don't.

When "leaders" scream and rant at followers...
When "leaders" demand respect, trust and loyalty, yet do not reciprocate...
When "leaders" lord their authority over the people in their organization rather serving them by creating an environment where people can flourish...

That is not leadership!

I understand that respect, trust and loyalty are important ingredients for effective leadership. But, those are gifts that followers give to leaders based on the leader's character.

When a leader is respectable, people will respect her.

When a leader is trustworthy, people will trust him.

When a leader is loyal, their followers will be loyal.

But demanding those responses without first living the character traits that warrant those responses isn't leadership. Demanding these responses without initiating the same attitude toward followers is not leadership. Demanding that these attitudes flow toward the leader is not leadership.

In fact, demanding any response is not leadership.

In his classic, Pulitzer-prize winning book Leadership, James MacGregor Burns makes a sharp distinction between power-wielding and leadership.

Power wielders use the resources of their power bases that are relevant to the attainment of their own purposes. In contrast, Burns defines leadership as a process that takes place in the context of a relationship between leaders and followers. Through this process, leaders induce followers to achieve goals that represent the values, motivations, wants, needs, aspirations and expectations of both leaders and followers. Thus, leadership is viewed as a mutually beneficial relationship. As such, leadership, unlike naked power wielding, is inseparable from followers’ needs and goals. According to Burns, “power wielders may treat people as things, but leaders may not. All leaders are actual or potential power holders, but not all power holders are leaders” (p.18).

I think its high time that we began to take seriously the difference between power-wielding and leadership.

Are you a self-serving power wielder?

Or are you a servant leader?

The Wheels Came Off

"... you've got a wheel in the ditch and a wheel on the track ..."

My middle daughter Jordan and I enjoy music and our interests overlap - although not completely. We both like Guy Clark and the Rolling Stones. But, I can't go with her on Britney Spears.

One of the things we like to do is pick lines from songs and email them to each other. Its kind of like the old TV show Name That Tune. You have to respond with the next line in the song. I ran that line from Neil Young's Alabama by her the other day. She didn't know the song.

The entire song doesn't fit, but that particular line has been on my mind for about two months. For about two months I have had a wheel in the ditch and a wheel on the track.

I had overloaded myself - again - with too many commitments and eliminated all the margin from my schedule. The signs were everywhere, but I kept ignoring them:

Every horizontal surface in my life has piles of stuff on it: the dryer in the utility room, my nightstand, the window shelf in the kitchen, the bookcase in the den, the tables in the game room.

My car hasn't been washed in a month. Stuff is piled in the back seat and in the trunk.

My reading list which usually has 6-8 books per month will have only 3 this month (unless I can't sleep tonight).

I have not posted a blog entry since October 8.

My workout routine is no longer routine.

"And you may ask yourself: How did I get here?"

(Name that artist and the title of the song for bonus points!)

Well, I got here the same way I always do: one step at a time. Every commitment that I added was a step in a direction. Every additional commitment was a step along the path that leads to the overload of marginless living. And the consequence is emotional exhaustion.

I heard recently that we teach what we most need to learn. There will be several people in my life who read this who have heard me teach on this subject many times. Well, now you know why: I teach others what I most need to learn myself.

I was driving home one day this week talking to Laura on the phone as I did. I passed by a church whose billboard said: "Jesus said, 'No one comes to the Father except by me.'" I read it to Laura as I drove by.

She immediately adopted that as her new rule: "No one come to J.Lee except by me."

I am blessed to have a wife who loves me so much and tries so hard to protect me from myself. I would be even more blessed if I heeded the warning signs and listened to her more diligently.

The way out of this mess is remarkably similar to the way in. One step at a time, I must make decisions that lead me on a different path. I must honor the commitments I made for this season. But, fortunately this season will be ending soon.

Going forward, my goal is to gain greater focus on the areas where I can make the greatest contribution. This will require me to radically eliminate those commitments that are simply not the best use of my time, talent, and emotional energy.

The Leader's Temptations - Part 2

In his book, In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen uses the temptations faced by Jesus to identify three additional temptations that leaders face.

The first temptation is to be relevant. When Satan confronted Jesus, the first challenge he issued was to turn stones into bread. Leaders are proactive by nature and we always want to make a difference. We are fixers. And we have difficulty admitting that the problem being faced is beyond us or that we haven't seen a situation like this before. Ron Heifetz calls these adaptive challenges.

In these situations, we need to drop our guard and all pretense of of adequacy and offer just ourselves. To do this requires us to be vulnerable, open, and transparent. Only then can we move in along side the people facing the problem and do the adaptive work required to deal with the challenge.

The second temptation is to be spectacular. Satan told Jesus to throw Himself down and let the angels come and save Him. "But Jesus refused to be a stunt man. He did not come to prove Himself. He did not come to walk on hot coals, swallow fire, or put his hand in the lion's mouth in order to prove He had something to say." Its tempting for leaders to want to be the hero, the white knight, in a word - the savior. Our unchecked egos send us down that path. In these tempting moments, we need to remember that leading is not about us. It is not about our reputation. It is about serving others.

The third temptation is to be powerful. Satan's third throwdown was "All this I will give you if you will bow down and worship me." The temptation here is to be in control, to be in charge. Its a need for power on steroids.

I see a theme running through each of these temptations. Its the bent we all have toward ourselves. To counter each of these temptations, we need to remember: "Its not about me."

Our adequacy for leadership is not self-made. Our adequacy has been given to serve others, not to promote self. Yet, we are selfish and self-centered by nature, and we tend to think that our ability and our adequacy for leadership is self-made.

We need to remember the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 3: 4-6:

"Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

When we are tempted to be relevant, when we are tempted to be spectacular, when we are tempted to be powerful, we lose this perspective. When we lose this perspective, we are on the road to derailment as a leader.

The longer I serve in leadership positions, the more I realize the need to release. I need to release my reputation, release my need to be in charge, release my need to be praised for saving the day. Leadership is about developing others. Leaders prepare others to lead. We cannot do that when we are obsessed with our own reputations or to be in control.

Only when I release my self can I truly serve others.

Step to the Line

The room was crowded. One side was packed with business executives and MBA students – all suited up. The other side was packed with men – all suited up - in their prison-issued jump suits.
Catherine stood at the front of the room and asked us to stand up and stack the chairs against the wall. When this task was completed, we noticed a blue line running down the middle of the floor.

The rules were: “If the characteristic is true of you, step to the line.”

The first few were easy: If you like ice cream, step to the line. It was crowded at the line as people from both sides stepped up.

When asked if you liked chocolate ice cream, a few stepped back, but the majority remained.

The statements became increasingly more personal, more dramatic.

If you grew up in a broken home … step to the line.

If you were emotionally abused … step to the line.

If you were physically abused … step to the line.

If you have ever abused drugs or alcohol … step to the line.


As we went through this exercise, we came to the dramatic realization that there really wasn't much difference in the people on the other side of the room. We were dressed differently, but when you get beyond those superficial externalities, we had a lot in common.

I also realized that but for the grace of God, I could easily have been on the other side of that line.

This is a scene from a visit to the Cleveland Unit of the Texas prison system that houses the Prison Entrepreneurship Program – PEP.

There’s not much that separates us from those men on the other side of the line. There’s not much that separates the men in that program, in that prison, from those of us on the outside.

This week I spent some time with men who have graduated from the PEP program and have been released from prison. They are starting a new life as productive members of society. Some have started their own business, some have started new jobs. Some still need a job.

There’s not much that separates us. As I spent time with them this week, I noticed one key - and refreshing - distinction: they aren’t putting up any fronts. They aren't masquerading as something they are not. They are honest about their mistakes and shortcomings, and as one of them told me: “I am committed to my change.”

Are you willing to admit your weaknesses? Step to the line.

Are you willing to own your mistakes? Step to the line.

Are you willing to admit your piece of the messes in your life? Step to the line.

Are you willing to drop your guard and be real? Step to the line.

Are you committed to your change?

Step to the line.

Really Real - Discernment Part 2

Is there a downside to discernment?

In a previous discussion of discernment, I defined discernment as the God-given ability to see what’s really real.


We need discernment because as leaders, we must be willing to be radicals who can see beyond the presenting symptoms and get to the root problem. That’s the original meaning of radical and why I have always embraced that as a worthy label.

But as I think about – and in fact experience God-given discernment – I have discovered there’s a potential downside to discernment that we must guard against. Sometimes, when God pulls back the curtain and allows us to see what’s “really real,” we are tempted to become cynical.

Oh, but we’re really sly about our cynicism. We tell ourselves (and others) that we’re not being cynical, we’re just being realistic! If we’re not careful, this becomes part of a bigger pattern that can derail our credibility and effectiveness as leaders.

In their book, Leadership on the Line, Heifetz and Linsky discuss this as a result of leaders buying into the myth of needing to develop a thick skin.



Certainly we need to be resilient, but if we’re not careful developing a thick skin can “squeeze the juice out of our soul. We lose our capacity for innocence, curiosity, and compassion. In a sense, our hearts close -- our innocence turns into cynicism, our curiosity turns into arrogance, and our compassion turns into callousness. We dress these up, of course, because we don't want to see ourselves -- and certainly don't want others to see us -- as cynical, arrogant and callous. We dress cynicism up as realism. So now we are not cynical; we're realistic. We are not arrogant, but we do have authoritative knowledge. And we dress up and cloak our callousness by calling it the thick skin of wisdom.”

In order to counter this all too human tendency, I always combine my prayer for discernment with a prayer for wisdom. I need God-given discernment to see what’s really real; but I also need God-given wisdom to know how to deal with what He has shown me.



And this requires humility to submit myself to Him and to not strive to use my limited perspective and limited understanding to solve the issues that I am confronted with.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

The Leader's Temptations - Part 1

Those of us who are committed to living what I call an intensely intentional life are subject to some unique temptations. We experience the euphoria of achievement and the agony of defeat (does the Wide World of Sports Image of the skier's crash come to mind when you read that phrase?).

The temptation in those moments is to think that they are permanent conditions rather than just moments.

Recently I read some wise words on this from J.I. Packer. In his book, A Passion for Faithfulness, he discusses "two impostors" that often plague those of us who are intent on living the intensely intentional life. These impostors share a common characteristic in that they each present themselves as definitive and final.

The first impostor is Triumph. When we experience a significant success - a triumph - we feel that after this nothing else will matter. The second impostor is Disaster. In the moment of a disaster, we feel that this is the end of everything.

Neither of these feelings is real. The moment of triumph will pass and all too soon give way to new challenges, new stressses, and new frustrations. And the disaster is never as devastating as we perceive it to be. In fact, the seeds of growth and renewal often begin to take root in the soil of what we feel is a disaster.

As my friend, and long-time CEO, Zem told me: "The crisis that you think will end it all on Monday will be over by Thursday."

Those of us in leadership bear the responsibility, indeed the burden, of caring for others. And because of this we are likely to feel the ups and downs of leading and living more acutely. We are tempted when we experience a great success to stop striving and simply kick back and coast for a while. After all, we deserve to bask in the glory of our hard-fought success.

When we encounter a set-back, we are often tempted to throw in the towel. (A similar phenomenon occurs for professors when we receive rejection letters from journals: You quit the profession for at least two days!).

Yet, we must realize that despite our feelings and the resulting temptations, neither the euphoria of victory or the dejection of defeats and set-backs are permanent conditions. The crisis - or the victory - you experience on Monday will be over by Thursday.

When tempted to coast or when tempted to quit, perhaps we should remember Paul's admonition in Phillipians 3: 13-14:

"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Really Real - Discernment Part 1

I often ask God to give me discernment so that I can have an accurate assessment of reality. Discernment involves seeing what my philosophy professors called that which is "really real."


Only philosophers would think to distinguish between that which is "real" and that which is "really real"!


As leaders we need to see between the lines and get beneath superficial presentations to understand what's really going on.


J.I. Packer provides an excellent discussion of discernment in his book on Nehemiah, A Passion for Faithfulness.


According to Packer, "discernment may be defined as the ability to see what you are looking at and to assess it by appropriate criteria. Spiritual discernment is a matter of perceiving the qualities, tendencies, and likely sources of proposals and policies that relate to God and His kingdom. Though such discernment may have a basis in natural shrewdness, it comes to fruition only through a sustained attunement to God and a habit of asking oneself at every point in life what makes for His glory. ... Spiritual discernment is a prime need, which nature alone will not supply, and which therefore must be sought from God through godliness as a way and style of life."

Discernment is important for leaders because so often the presenting problem is really just a symptom of something deeper. We need discernment to help us get to the root problem. Think about this in the context of your yard: If you just mow or weed-eat the weeds they will be back next week. What is really needed is to get the weeds out by the roots. Only then can we hope to keep them from recurring.

As leaders I think we need to cultivate the habit of asking the Lord to help us see what's really real so that we can get to the root of the issues we are dealing with. This is difficult for most of us because we have a bias for action, and too often we act before we fully understand. Or, we act based on our understanding.

Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

Lord, help me to see with your eyes. Help me to see beneath the surface so that I can get to the root of the problem. Give me your understanding. Don't let me go off half-cocked with my own understanding. Give me discernment.

Selective Exposure

Early in my teaching career I had the opportunity to teach a course called Human Behavior in Organizations. The title is somewhat misleading because we actually used a Social Psychology textbook. The link between the text and organizational behavior was an easy one, but that link had to be supplied in the lectures and application exercises I integrated into the course.


I enjoyed teaching the course and there are several concepts and models that are so relevant and practical in everyday life. So, this is the first of several posts I will be making on the practical application of concepts from social psychology.

Here's a very interesting concept. It describes something we all do - and probably didn't know it had a name. Here's how it works: I am facing a decision and I am leaning one way as opposed to another? But I know I need to "seek wise counsel," so I decide to ask for some advice. But here's what I do: I choose to ask someone I think will support the direction I'm leaning. And I avoid asking the person who might not support that direction.

Actually this behavior begins very early in life. Our children - and now I have discovered my grandchildren - learn who to ask depending on the issue or desire. "Ask Dad, he always says yes. Don't ask Mom, she never let's us do that."

This is called selective exposure. This is the tendency to seek out information that supports our idea or position and to discount or avoid information that contradicts or opposes our ideas.

We do this a lot with reading books. We tend to read stuff that reinforces our position. And we don't read stuff that might criticize our positions - or expand our perspective. We avoid information that might cause us to see another point of view or another dimension to a complex issue. It reminds me of a statement I heard once - "Don't confuse me with the facts. I have made up my mind."

Recently I observed a very interesting case of selective exposure. There was a discussion concerning the need for leaders to make tough calls on personnel and provide some employees - even long-term employees - the opportunity to "thrive elsewhere."

Interestingly, support for this decision-making process was selected from Jim Collins' idea of getting the right people on the bus and getting the wrong people off the bus. This comes from his book Good to Great. I agree with this principle, and have had to make those tough decisions on numerous occasions.

But there is another principle in that book that was not selected as part of this recent discussion. Collins also discusses what he calls the Level 5 Leader. These leaders are characterized by a "paradoxical blend of professional will and personal humility." They practice what Collins calls "The Window and the Mirror."

According to this principle, when things are going well, the leader looks out the window to see who they can give the credit to. When things aren't going well, the Level 5 Leader looks in the mirror to examine himself and ask: "what do I need to change about my self in order to fix this? What could I have done differently to prevent this? What do I need to differently in the future to keep this from happening again?"

I am sure that you have worked for people who practiced the window and the mirror in the exact opposite way: They take the credit for success (mirror) and seek to blame others for failures (window). The Bohicans were very good at this.

Which brings me back to selective exposure: The recent leadership discussion focused on the "get the right people on the bus" principle. That principle supported the ideas being advanced. But that principle also needs to be balanced with the "window and the mirror." As leaders we need to first examine ourselves by spending some intense time "looking in the mirror" and asking ourselves some tough questions.

Gandhi said "I need to be the change that I want to see in the world." I think that's a good point of beginning for leaders. We need to examine ourselves and make the necessary changes in our own behaviors and attitudes first.

When we have done that, then we can deal with who should or shouldn't be on the bus.

Losing My Religion

“That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough”


Those of us who are high achievers like to achieve. For us its an end in itself. And because we like to achieve, we don’t like to fail. In fact, if we make less than an A, we’re pretty sure the sun will not come up the next day.

But I seem to be failing – continuously. I keep failing the Litmus Test that so many of my Republican Christian friends have been administering. I just can’t seem to manufacture the venom and hatred that seems to be the defining characteristic of this sub-culture. I have a pretty clear picture of what they’re against. The question remains open as to what they are for.

This usually manifests itself during the presidential elections. However, it seems to have escaped the boundaries of the election campaign. I am very concerned about the attitudes and the statements of so many of my Republican, Christian, friends.

Please take careful note the order of my adjectives …Republican comes before Christian and thus it modifies the adjective that comes after it. And that is the problem!

Too many Christians are filtering their beliefs through their political grid. It should be exactly the opposite. Our politics – indeed every aspect of our entire life - should be filtered through the grid of scripture.

Too many Christians are making the gospel message they are to be proclaiming through their life very unattractive with the constant stream of venom that spews from their mouths.

Tell me: How does that line up with Ephesians 4:29? Check it out (emphasis added):

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Every election year, I see tremendous energy and passion spent in criticizing the candidates and policies they oppose. I always hope to see just half that much energy and passion spent living out the Gospel, obeying the call to spread the gospel as we are going (Read again the Great Commission as a call to all believers. Matthew 28:19-20) or using their spiritual gifts serving one another in the church as we are all called to do.

Jesus said that “They will know you by your love.”

Wow. I wonder what those outside the church know us by?

In his excellent book, The Jesus I Never Knew, Philip Yancey makes this observation:

“Jesus did not say, ‘All men will know you are my disciples … if you just pass laws, suppress immorality, and restore decency to family and government’, but rather, ‘if you love one another.’

The issues that confront Christians in secular society must be faced and addressed and legislated, and a democracy gives Christians every right to express themselves. But we dare not invest so much in the kingdom of this world that we neglect our main task of introducing people to a different kind of kingdom, one based solely on God’s grace and forgiveness… If a century from now all that historians can say about evangelicals of the 1990s (and 2000s) is that they stood for family values, then we will have failed the mission Jesus gave us to accomplish: to communicate God’s reconciling love to sinners. (emphasis added)”


I am not worried about what historians will say, what will the Lord say when we stand before Him?

I keep wondering what difference we could make if we would truly follow Jesus and do as He did when he encountered people whose value systems and lifestyles he didn’t approve of.

Look again at John 4. He treated the woman at the well with dignity and respect…and introduced her to the Living Water that changed her from the inside out.

I keep wondering what would happen if we, the Church, would reclaim the territory that we abandoned and begin to take care of the poor, the widowed, and the orphans rather than abdicating that responsibility to the government.

If we are really concerned about the moral decay of our society, we should spend our energy sharing with others the only source of authentic and lasting life change: Jesus Christ. When we come to Him, He begins a transformation process that moves from the inside out.

And I am confident of this very thing: He who begins this good work will be faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6).

I am continually reminded of the practical atheism in our lives (mine included). We claim to know the Lord, yet we live, talk, and make decisions as if we didn’t. We proclaim the sovereignty of God, yet complain when election outcomes and legislative agendas don’t align with our wishes.

Rather than wringing our hands about the outcome of elections or the latest legislative action, I think its time to get to work on the task we are called to do.

Rather than spending our energy on temporal issues, let’s focus on the eternal impact we can have by sharing the good news of Jesus Christ. He came to reconcile sinners to God…and He has given us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-20).

Let’s get on with it!

“That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough”

R.E.M. “Losing My Religion”

We Ain't Been Everywhere ... Yet

“As long as they want us we’ll keep coming back
Yeah, we ain’t been everywhere, but we’re trying to get there
Just let us tune up and we’ll throw down a set
Book us a room, we’ll be in your town soon
Cause we ain’t been everywhere … yet”

Those lines are from Verlon Thompson's song Everywhere ...Yet .
He somehow managed to make all of the places he has been with Guy Clark rhyme. I am not that good at poetry, but this song inspired me to think about all of the places I have been. All of the places I have "tuned up and thrown down a set" of research presentations or leadership development workshops.

When I decided to change careers in 1994, I never thought I would have the opportunity to travel. Laura and I were always jealous of our friends who got to go to all these neat places for business trips and conventions. But 15 years later we have been blessed to travel to lots of really neat places … and most of it on someone else’s dime!

As we were coming into Chicago’s O Hare Airport last Thursday, I looked at the maps in the back of the American Way magazine. I made a mental checklist of all of the places we have visited. Even if it doesn't rhyme, its quite a list!

So here’s the list of destinations we have visited:

New York - Boston - Ashville, NC
Charleston, SC - Washington, DC - Richmond, VA
Orlando - Tampa - New Orleans
Atlanta - Chicago - Memphis
San Antonio - Hobbs, NM - Austin
Kansas City, MO - Denver - Phoenix
Seattle - San Francisco - San Jose
Houston -San Diego - Honolulu
Lake Tahoe, NV - Philadelphia - Anaheim, CA
Salt Lake City - Las Vegas - Santa Fe
Houston - Brownfield, TX - Lake Charles, LA

Toronto and Vancouver, Canada
Sao Paulo and Rio de Janiero, Brazil
Helsinki, Finland
Zurich and Basel, Switzerland
Paris, France
London, England
Edinborough, Scotland

Before this I thought international travel was going to Oklahoma!

So ... "Book us a room, we’ll be in your town soon
Cause we ain’t been everywhere … yet”

This Time of Year

This time of year always calls forth a certain amount of nostalgia for me. I will forever equate this time of year with the adolescent right of passage known as two-a-days.

My first experience with two-a-days was in August 1972. As a fourteen year old sophomore I had been called to work out with the varsity at Arlington High. Expectations were high for the 1972 season. After two back-to-back district championships, the Colts were returning several starters and a couple of High School All-Americans. This was back in the day when only one team – the District Champion – went to the playoffs. It was also a time when there were no choices about two-a-days in August or an intense round of spring training. We did both and the start of the August practices was regulated by the UIL.

I will never forget the start of that first practice. Coach Carter called us together under the pecan trees at the north end of the practice field. In his distinct voice, he said:

“Somewhere in the state of Texas today the next state champion is practicing. Last year it was in San Antonio, the year before it was in Austin. ... But somewhere today, the next state champion is practicing. Let’s make it right here!”

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I still get goose bumps telling that story. We didn’t win the state championship, but we did win the district. We didn’t do a lot of winning during my junior or senior years – at least not on the field. But it was during those years with Coach Carter and his best friend, Assistant Coach Bob Howington, that I learned there were more important lessons to be learned. It was under their influence that I began to understand the importance of character.

There are those who are critical of the role of athletics in education. To those critics I would say that I had no classroom teacher that cared more about me as young man than Coach Carter and Coach Howington did. I wasn’t just an athlete to them.

To those critics I would also point out the number of kids that have something to be involved in on Friday nights. Whenever I go to a high school game, I am always impressed by the number of kids that are involved in something bigger than themselves on Friday nights: Band, Cheerleading, Pep Squad, Drill Team, Student Trainers, and Student Managers. And at Euless Trinity High School (where all of my kids went) many of the developmentally challenged kids are a big part of the football game because they serve as ball boys and pick up kicking tees after kickoffs. You can see the joy in their smiles as they participate in the big show.

I think H.G. Bissinger caught the essence of High School Football in the following passage from his book, Friday Night Lights. Let me set the scene for you. The West Texas district had ended in a 3-way tie between Odessa Permian, Midland High, and Midland Lee. The tie-breaker was a coin toss, with the “odd man out.” The Permian and Midland Lee coaches both tossed heads; the Midland coach tossed tails and was the odd man out.

At about 2:45 that Saturday morning the Midland coach spoke to his team after returning from the coin toss at The Convoy Truck Stop: “I told you that we had no control over a coin flip. I wish I could change the way things are, but I can’t. … I’m proud of each and every one of you.”

Then Bissinger writes: “As he tried to console them, there came a sound of high school football as familiar as the cheering, as familiar as the unabashed blare of the band, as familiar as the savage crash of pad against pad.

It was the sound of teenage boys weeping uncontrollably over a segment of their lives that they knew had just ended forever.”

I remember it like it was yesterday.

The Books of July

Just in case you're keeping score, the 2009 book list now has 51 completed books.

The most pleasant surprise this month was The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes. I rate that one a close second to The Help as the best summer reading so far.

I don't have a reading agenda for August.

Do you have any suggestions?

Here's the list from July:

Sleepwalking Through History: America in the Reagan Years, Haynes Johnson

Beyond Megachurch Myths: What We Can Learn from America’s Largest Churches, Scott Thuman and Dave Travis

The Perfect Leader: Practicing the Leadership Traits of God, Kenneth Boa

Handle With Care, Jody Picoult

When Men Think Private Thoughts, Gordon MacDonald

The Big Rich: The Rise and Fall of the Greatest Texas Oil Fortunes, Bryan Burrough

Creative Suffering, Paul Tournier

The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes, Diane Chamberlain

Old Friends

I like Guy Clark. You've probably figured that out by now.

He has a way of saying things that express my thoughts and feelings.

I have heard him and his "dear friend, Verlon Thompson" (as he always introduces him) sing this song several times. On one of those occasions, Verlon reflected on when he first started working with Guy:

"I met Guy when we working on his album, Old Friends ... and now we are."

The chorus of the song is:

Old Friends - they shine like diamonds
Old Friends - you can always call
Old Friends - Lord you can't buy 'em
You know - it's Old Friends after all

That pretty well sums it up doesn't it?

I am blessed to have several "old friends." As I count the blessings of these friendships, I have come to realize these qualities actually have little to do with chronological age, or the tenure of our relationship. You see "Old Friends" - regardless of age or how long we've known each other - are characterized by the qualities described in this song.

In another song - Stuff That Works - Guy describes another dimension of these friendships:

"I got a pretty good friend who’s seen me at my worst.
He can’t tell if I’m a blessing or a curse.
But he always shows up when the chips are down.
That’s the kind of stuff I like to be around."

The chorus of that song tells the vital truth about these kind of friends:

"Stuff that works, stuff that holds up
The kind of stuff you don’t hang on the wall
Stuff that’s real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall."

Old friends, Lord you can't by them. That's the kind of stuff I like to be around.

That Stuff Will Stunt Your Growth

I have a confession to make: I LOVE COFFEE.

But not only do I love coffee…I NEED coffee. My entire family has learned that until I have had my two cups of coffee in the morning, don’t even try to talk to me. The fog is too thick and you will never get through.

Last summer Laura and I had the opportunity to take our granddaughters to Disneyland. While we were there they found an ideal birthday present for me. This cup…

You know, sometimes you wished the sayings they put on stuff like this wasn’t true. But, this one couldn’t be any more accurate of me: “MORNINGS AREN’T PRETTY.”

You also need to understand that my love…OK, addiction, to coffee is not a recent development. My mother tells a story about hearing my dad and I giggling in the kitchen early one morning. She came in to see what was going on, and there I was sitting in my dad’s lap. He was dipping my pacifier in his coffee and then letting me taste the coffee.

That’s where it all began, and for as far back as I can remember I have started each and every morning with a cup of coffee.

I remember going to my dad’s warehouse several times as a child and drinking coffee with the men that worked there. They would see me drinking coffee and they would always say: “don’t you know that stuff will stunt your growth?” Well, if that stuff stunted my growth, can you imagine how big I would be if I hadn’t been drinking coffee?...

As leaders we need to be aware of things that will stunt our growth. I have the opportunity to coach and observe lots of leaders in a variety of contexts. Over the years I have identified several factors that will stunt a leader's growth. In fact, not only will these stunt your growth - they could completely derail you.

Growth stunter # 1: Lack of trust. Often people in leadership arrived in a position because they were highly technical individual contributors. They were the "Go To" people who could always be counted on to get things done. But the skills required of individual contributors, are not the skills that will make a successful leader. Not trusting others will keep you from letting go of things that should be delegated to others.

Which leads to

Growth stunter # 2: Inability to delegate. As leaders we must see that one of our most important tasks is the development of others. Therefore, we must see delegation as a developmental tool. However, that requires letting go and accepting the fact that the task might not be done exactly like we would have done it. But that is the price to be paid for letting people grow and develop.

Too often leaders hold on to tasks they should release. This is often due to lack of trust; but, it may also be a subtle form of work avoidance. The leader stays busy on these tasks so that they can avoid taking on other tasks that they should be attending to.

Growth stunter # 3: Insecurity. I have seen some people who are so insecure in their position that they feel threatened by others, including their subordinates. The thinking goes like this: "If they learn what I know, they might be able to replace me. So, I need to keep them in the dark so that they will not threaten my status or position."

The other side of this coin is

Growth stunter # 4: Ego-centric leading. Actually, I'm not sure its appropriate to call this leading. Too many people in formal positions are more coincerned about advancing their own agendas rather than working for the good of the organization or seeking to use their position to serve others by creating an environmnet where they can flourish and thrive. These egotistic people use their position and its inherent power bases to take care of themselves instead of building people and organizational capacity.

There are probably some more, but this is a good start. So, let me ask:

What's stunting your growth as a leader?

Jabez 2.0

"Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother named him Jabez saying, 'Because I bore him with pain.'

Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!

And God granted him what he requested. " 1 Chronicles 4:9-10

I have prayed the Prayer of Jabez on a regular - not daily, but regular - basis for several years now. Until this year, I always wanted God to answer my prayer in terms of new consulting opportunities that would provide additional income. Additional income was a tangible blessing that we could then use to bless others - buying dinners, buying lunches, giving beyond the tithe and offering commitments we had made. And God answered those versions of my Jabez Prayer.

When this year began, I intentionally shifted the focus of my Jabez Prayer: I asked God to "enlarge my border" by expanding my sphere of influence. I asked Him to expand my border relationally.

God has extended His favor on me and answered that prayer. We have met so many new people this year, primarily through the Marriage That Lasts class and the Influence Groups at Fellowship Church.

My territory has been expanded. My sphere of influence has been expanded. And God has kept His hand upon me. He has kept me from harm and the expanded territory has not pained me.

So, I am going to keep on praying:

"Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!"

A New Job Description

A frequent prayer: "Lord show me the good works you have prepared beforehand for me to walk in during this season of my life."

I am not sure I fully know all of the good works He has prepared for me, but I am beginning to sense some clarity.

He has blessed me with a tremendous "margin of time" that allows me to be available to create and cultivate relationships. My "new normal" is actually God's strategic alignment of my schedule with my heart's desire to invest myself in others.


Several months ago I had a discussion with a couple of people who wanted to explore the possibility of me working with them. I left the discussion with a weird feeling. It wasn't a good fit. They wanted to build a business. I wasn't interested in that. I was interested in building people.


I had forgotten that feeling until a few weeks ago when I was re-reading yet another Gordon MacDonald book, A Resilient Life. I was particularly drawn to his discussion of one of his mentors, Vernon Grounds.

Listen to his description:


"... he was the quintessential resilient man because he always thought about his life and those around him with a big picture in mind. He has always known the center of his strength and his call. And he wasted little time out on the edges of activity where he is less competent.


... Somewhere in his earliest years it became plain to him the he was a builder of people more then anything else. People simply grew under his influence, even when he was unaware that he was exerting it.


... But even though he bore the burden of a seminary presidency for twenty-five-plus years, as I see it, he was first and foremost a builder of people.


... He understood that life was lived out of call and conviction, and his call was to build people according to God's design for them."


As I read that passage I underlined, asterisked, and marked it. The description resonated with me because I too have known people like that.

And the best way for me to thank those who helped build me, is to pay it forward and build others!


That's it!


That's my job description: A builder of people: Building people according to God's design for them.

This is the "good work that God has prepared beforehand for me to walk in" during this season of my life.

The New Normal

The nightly news has been running a series called the new normal. The series focuses on how people are coping with the economic crisis and the lack of abundance that many had grown accustomed to.

I have been reflecting on that phrase - the new normal - for a while now. As I have mentioned before, I was blessed to have have been gainfully overemployed for 25 years. I always had more than one gig going at a time. Looking back I am not sure how I managed to juggle it all - but we made it.

I now realize that one result of being gainfully overemployed is I became addicted to action - addicted to busy-ness - and found down time difficult to handle.

And now I am having to adjust to a new normal. The new normal for me is only one job. There aren't multiple roles to juggle, and right now there are no consulting projects to work on.

Without a discipline forced on me from from the outside by an overloaded schedule, I am struggling to develop and maintain a self-imposed discipline. But I am trying. So, here is the schedule of the new normal:

Teach: Saturday morning; Monday night; Tuesday night.

Mondays are devoted to grading papers and prepping for the week's classes.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are set aside for writing projects (yes, blogging counts as a writing activity).

Thursdays and Fridays are intentionally left open for relationships - developing, cultivating, mentoring, people-building.

Saturday: Teaching Power, Influence and Leadership

Sunday: Sabbath rest. This may be the most difficult day of the schedule. I am hard-wired to work, and my default behavior is to grab something to work on. The idea of "Cease striving - or Be Still - and know that I am God" collides hard with the habitual busy-ness developed over the last 25 years.

Its a new normal.

But its a good new normal.

Fuel Level is Low

I have often thought that one way to describe the seasons of our family's life is to think about the cars we drove at that time. When we were first married we had a 280Z; then we had a 280Z 2+2; then we moved through a series of sedans, and even a station wagon - a Volvo with the rear-facing seat in the very back.

From there we evolved into a series of suburbans, then we began downsizing into Jeep Cherokees as the children were no longer needing our taxi services. The cars we drive now only have room for grand-daughter's infants seats.

One of the cars we had in the earlier days had a voice warning system. The voice was an extremely annoying female voice - almost, but not quite, as annoying as the automated female voice that announced flight number boardings in the Sao Paulo airport (yes, in Brazil).

I can still hear that voice saying "Fuel Level is Low."

Our vehicles have elaborate warning signs built into the dashboard. They tell us when the engine needs to be serviced or when our fuel level is low. Usually, but not always, we pay attention to those warnings and attempt to address the issue before it becomes a crisis situation on the side of the road.

We need to develop and pay attention to the dashboard warnings in our lives as well.

One of my warning signs is my emotional state. When I am depleted, my emotions are at the surface, ready to spill over. Another sign is a deep sense of fatigue - a level of fatigue that one good night of sleep doesn't cure.

Over the years, I have learned to recognize these signs. But merely recognizing the signs isn't enough. I usually continued to keep driving (perhaps because I was driven) long after the voice had said "Fuel level is low."

A few weeks ago, Laura looked at the books on my nightstand and noticed a new one, Leading on Empty.

She said, "You needed that a year ago; you don't need it now."

She was right - as usual! - I don't need it now. But, because I survived (many times), I am acutely aware of these issues.

My primary goal for this season of my life is to invest myself in the lives of younger men and couples. I am extremely sensitive to the warning signs I see in their lives. I find myself being the voice saying "Fuel Level is Low" with the sincere desire to prevent them from experiencing a break down on the side of the road.

What are your warning signs?

When does "the voice" tell you that your fuel level is low?

The Other Books in June

Of course, The Help wasn't the only book I read in June.

In fact, June may have been one of the best reading months in a while. There were several recommnedation-worthy reads in June. The best of the June list are bolded and italicized:

The Principle of the Path, Andy Stanley

Certain Trumpets, Garry Wills

Elijah: A Man of Heroism and Humility, Charles R. Swindoll

The Help, Kathryn Stockett

Excellence in Leadership, John White

Leading on Empty, Wayne Cordeiro

Sabbath, Dan B. Allender

A Resilient Life, Gordon MacDonald

Savor This Book

I know...


Usually we think about savoring a good meal - like Justin's birthday dinner or that Father's Day feast on steroids - or maybe even an ice cold Dublin Dr. Pepper, but you must read ... and savor this book: The Help by Kathryn Stockett.


It's been a while since I was so captivated by a book. I read this one slowly, I didn't want it to end, and I was sorry when it was over.


The setting is early-sixties Mississippi and the story centers around an aspiring writer who solicits the assistance of the town's African-American maids to tell their story about what it's like working for the wealthy white families.


"Working for" is really not the best way to describe these arrangements - the Help actually ran the household and did more to raise the children than the children's parents did. The bond between the Help and the children was so special and so strong - you could feel the love they had for one another.


The characters were so well developed I felt like I knew them personally. I became so emotionally involved I wanted to punch some of those junior-league, sorority exes for their snobby, elitist attitudes. (In fact, if that describes you, you should probably lay low for a while!)


Well, enough preview... go read this book!

'Tis the Season

July has arrived and brought with it the second birthday season at our house.

Today is Justin's birthday; Tuesday is Janelle's birthday. Later this month is Lamar's birthday, and then my mother's.

We have a similar season in March each year when we celebrate Jennifer and Jordan's birthdays.

And we do celebrate ... and celebrations around here are always centered around food. That's because we have the ultimate hostess in residence - Lolly. She has the gift of hospitality on steroids!

We actually had Justin's birthday feast last night (because the maids are coming today!).

It was a feast that rivaled the Father's Day Feast: Rib-eye steaks (seasoned by Lolly to a level of perfection that the famous steak houses have yet to approach), Lolly's special "stuffed" cheese potatoes, Caesar salad with Lolly's homemade croutons, and Sister Schubert's rolls. The steaks were accompanied by the steak sauce Lolly created.

Now most people would focus on the main entree (in this case the rib-eyes) as the feature of the meal. But all of that was just the warm-up act. The real focus of the meal is the dessert. And last night we had two "Specialties of the House" - Strawberry Cake and PTA Pie.

This Sunday we will celebrate Janelle's Birthday with another feast. But, we're going to let the fine folks at Babe's do the work on Sunday.

Are you hungry yet?

Are You a Plugger?

Like most of you, I have my long-time favorites on the cartoon pages of the newspaper: Blondie, Shoe, Family Circus, and the "Love is..." single frame.



Another of my favorites is Pluggers. On several occasions, the Plugger really hits close to home. A few weeks ago, the plugger was eating his ice cream straight out of the container. The caption read, "A plugger thinks a single serving container is a half gallon."



Lolly reminded me of that Friday night when I chose to finish of the Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla by just adding my chocolate syrup to the ice cream that was left in the container.



Well, the plugger hit way (or should I say "weigh") too close to home with this one:




I still have my old jersey... and the number is 53... and I don't know how in the world it fit over those shoulder pads.

Rant No More

I have a rant button. Certain topics trigger a script that seems to emerge automatically.

I have decided - with some helpful insight and feedback from Laura - that these rants just aren't very pretty.

Some of you know these scripts. In fact, you could quote me verbatim.

(As a matter of fact, you probably do imitations of me when you are with your brother and sisters. And your asking yourself right now: "How did he know that?")

So, I have made a mid-year (perhaps a mid-life resolution):

I will no longer rant when these topics come up.

I realize that for some of you my going public is a "throw down" challenge. You plan to see how strong my commitment is.

Others are asking: "I wonder what those buttons are?"

Well, here they are. (This is not a rant; it's just a list of the things that used to push my button and why):

Ronald Reagan: Over-rated; rhetoric did not match with reality. (Now before you rant at me for having ranted about Reagan, please read Sleepwalking Through History by Haynes Johnson and James David Barber's classic, The Presidential Character. And by the way... I voted for him twice.)


Kareem Abdul Jabar: "Kareem asked Coach Jerry West how many minutes he would be playing in today's playoff game, so he would know how to pace himself." I thought there was only one pace when you were in the game. My bad.


Jerry Jones: Fired Tom Landry on the golf course; winning more important than character.


Chop Blocking: When the offensive line averages 300+ and they run 4.8 40's, you don't need to chop anybody. Just drive them out of there!


OK. I may waver some on that last one when the high school football season starts up. My son-in-law will be coaching the offensive line this fall. He has promised me that they will not chop-block.

Don't push my button!

Father's Day Feast

I actually thought it was Thanksgiving Day.

Laura spent the entire day cooking up a FEAST for Father's Day.

Prepare yourself before you read this next paragraph - it will make you hungry.

The main course was Chicken Fried Steak, complete with cream gravy and mashed potatoes. This was complimented by her special recipe baked beans, green bean casserole, fresh corn, Chinese cole slaw, and Sister Schubert's rolls. My mother supplemented the feast with her deviled eggs and red fruit jello (Gramma's signature dishes). And of course for dessert we had my favorite - Blackberry Cobbler. The growing season for blackberries is short, so there's a strategic window of time when you can get fresh blackberries for the cobbler. Fortunately, the strategic window falls around Father's Day.

The food feast was only part of it. All of the kids and grandchildren were here. My mother was here and our neighbor, Pat, joined the fun. We lingered over the food, we lingered over the conversation. It was a wonderful time.

As I have reflected over the day, I realize - again - how blessed I am.

It really was Thanksgiving Day.

Visioneering, Part 2

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” (Helen Keller)

In my previous posts on Visioneering, I have discussed the consequences of not having a vision. One of the consequences of not having a vision is that people are “unrestrained” (Proverbs 29:18, NASB).

In The Message version of the Bible, it reads like this:

“Without vision the people we lead will be confused, scattered, unfocused, and easily distracted. Without vision alignment, people may be busy doing things, but they are easily pulled off center and will quickly wear themselves out.”

In Chazown, Craig Grosechel, says:

“Without a consistent and compelling vision – constant orientation by fixed landmarks – people drift.”

I spend a lot of time with people that are a little further behind me on the road of life. I like to find out where they came from. I like to spend time understanding where they are. But, I really like to talk about where there going. It's amazing to me that so many of these people have no sense of where they're going. They are drifting through their days, working hard, but often with no sense of direction. They are scattered, unfocused, and easily distracted.

When I encounter this, I am reminded of Andy Stanley’s comment: “everybody ends up somewhere…some people end up there on purpose.”

He has expanded on this thought in his most recent book, The Principle of the Path:

“Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination. And your attention, determines your direction.”

What do you pay attention to? That will determine your direction.

So how can you focus your attention? Create a vision for your life.

Where do you want to end up? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? What do you want your legacy to be? As Stephen Covey said years ago, “Begin with the end in mind.”

Let your vision be the focus of your attention so that your attention will determine your direction because your direction determines your destination.

LEAD-DAR

I am turning my LEAD-DAR on.

As I walk through this season of my life, I am drawn even stronger to the idea of developing the next generation of leaders. I want to invest myself in those who have potential to exert tremendous influence for Christ’s sake in the various arenas in which they act: Home, Work, Community, and Church.

So I am on the look out for younger men who want to make a difference and who are seeking to have someone a little further down the road of life share with them the insights he has developed over half a century of living (wow, that makes me sound really old!).

So, I have activated my LEAD-DAR. I am on the lookout for leaders who want to grow and for potential leaders that I can invest in.

My LEAD-DAR is programmed to look for men who display the FACTS of Leader Potential.

FAITHFUL: Have they been faithful with the responsibilities and assignments they have been given in the past?

AVAILABLE: Are they willing to make the time to meet with me?

COMMITTED: Are they committed to doing the self-work required to develop their strengths and to overcome their limitations? Are they committed to taking the time this investment in them will require?

TEACHABLE: Are the humble enough to allow themselves to admit that they haven’t learned it all yet? Do they have a teachable spirit?

SERVANT: Are they willing to set themselves aside and see their primary role in every arena (Marriage, Parent, Employee, Church Member, and Citizen) is to put others’ needs ahead of their own and to serve others.


Are you on my LEAD-DAR Screen?

Always Trust Your Cape

I am really out of touch these days. I rarely watch the news. I only read the paper once a week - on Sundays. Last Sunday there were several articles that caught my eye:

• An Austin College Professor was named the Texas State Historian;
• the man who was the coach at Odessa Permian when Friday Night Lights was written has returned to Permian as the head coach;
• Texas beat TCU in the first game of the super-regional series by playing “small ball” - setting an NCAA record for sacrifice bunts in a game: 7.

I actually read those articles. It took me two cups of coffee to make it through the paper. (Those are super-sized cups that are probably the equivalent of 4 regular cups. But, when you take 3 Benadryl at night, the fog is very thick in the morning.)

But the article that really grabbed my attention was the one on Wacky Warning labels. This one in particular caught my eye:

On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."

This warning label was obviously attached to an inferior cape. Certainly not the kind of Cape that Guy Clark describes in his song, The Cape:

Eight years old with flour sack cape tied all around his neck He climbed up on the garage , figurin’ what the heck He screwed his courage up so tight the whole thing come unwound He got a runnin’ start and bless his heart He headed for the ground

He’s one of those who knows that life is just a leap of faith

Spread your arms and hold you breath

always trust your cape

All grown up with a flour sack cape tied all around his dream He’s full of piss and vinegar, he’s bustin’ at the seams He licked his finger and checked the wind - It’s gonna be do or die He wasn’t scared of nothin’, Boys - He was pretty sure he could fly

He’s one of those who knows that life is just a leap of faith

Spread your arms and hold you breath

Always trust your cape

Old and grey with a flour sack cape tied all around his head He’s still jumpin’ off the garage and will be till he’s dead All these years the people said: "He’s actin’ like a kid."He did not know he could not fly, So he did

He’s one of those who knows that life is just a leap of faith

Spread your arms and hold you breath Always trust your cape

Binge Reading

I don't know about y'all, but I get hooked on a topic or an author and I want to grab everything I can and read it all at once.

I did that in April. I got on a Gordon MacDonald kick and started re-reading his books.

I did it again in May. I decided I had ready too much serious stuff and needed to read some novels. So I grabbed a Jody Picoult novel. It was so good I read two more. Some good stuff.

So here's the list from May:

My Sisters Keeper, Jody Picoult

The Pact, Jody Picoult

The Glass Castle: A Memoir, Jeannette Walls

Songs of the Humpback Whale, Jody Picoult

The Legacy of Jesus, John MacArthur

The Killer Angels: A Novel of the Civil War, Michael Shaara

Home Repair, Liz Rosenberg

If I keep this up, Oprah will have to yield the floor!

Failure to Thrive

Most of us are familiar with Proverbs 29:18: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

We tend to emphasize vision when we read or hear that. But I would like us to spend some time on the perish portion of that phrase. Where there is no vision, people perish.

What does that mean? Surely it doesn’t mean they die physically, so exactly what does it mean?

I have been around some vision free organizations and I think I understand what it means for people to perish. It looks like this:

People are just showing up and going through the motions. Their shoulders are slumped as they walk and there is no gleam in their eyes. There is no passion or excitement in their voice.

When people are perishing in this environment, they become irritable and contentious. Any energy that is available is spent on self-centered agendas that perpetuate comfort and convenience.

Several years ago we became transitional care parents for new-born babies who were in the process of being adopted. We understood that new born babies needed love and affection, and we provided that for 60 babies during our 8 year run as transitional care parents. During that time, we learned about a phenomenon that occurs when babies are abandoned or ignored. It’s called failure to thrive.

Children who fail to thrive don't receive or are unable to take in, retain, or utilize the calories needed to gain weight and grow as expected. If the condition progresses, undernourished kids may:
· become disinterested in their surroundings
· avoid eye contact
· become irritable
· not reach developmental milestones like sitting up, walking, and talking at the usual age


I have seen organizations that “fail to thrive.” They are unable to take in resources and grow as expected. The members of the organization become disinterested and irritable. Individually and organizationally, they fail to meet developmental milestones. They fail to thrive and slowly begin to perish.

This is why we need vision. Vision provides what Gordon MacDonald calls “vital optimism.” He defines vital optimism as a quality of spirit possessed by a community or a person where there is a persuasion that the best is yet to be. In essence, vital optimism is hope. It is the confident expectation that history is going somewhere and that God, our Creator and Redeemer, is powerfully directing it.

A loss of vital optimism suggests the opposite: melancholy, disincentive, and a general sense of resignation. When there is a loss of vital optimism, people develop a dissipated spirit.

Where there is no vital optimism, people perish.

But when there is a clear sense of vision people thrive. Their vital optimism becomes contagious.

• The vision trumops personal agendas and people begin to tolerate inconveniences and discomfort for the greater cause.
• A positive buzz emerges within and outside of the organization.
• The organization takes on a new level of vibrancy and enthusiasm.
• People begin to give sacrificially to the vision - both financially and of themselves

Where there is no vision, people fail to thrive ... they perish.

Yet, where there is vision, there is a vital optimism that becomes contagious. Thriving people and thriving organizations generate a positive environment that attracts resources and unleashes our God-given potential.

I Know Why I Am Here

In my first post on Visioneering I discussed the benefits of having a clear sense of vision. Benefit number 4 was:

"It helps us to know why we are here and why our presence matters."


When I was in high school I had the privilege of playing football for the Arlington Colts. Two men on that coaching staff had a profound impact on my life, head coach Bill Carter and assistant coach, Bob Howington. You don’t have to hang around me for long before I break out in a story about those men.

They were worthy of imitation. And they are part of my legacy logic. I am trying to thank them by being to others what they were to me.

One of my favorite Coach Howington stories has to do with a day that this very mild mannered man became very angry with our sloppy execution in practice. He went off on us like I had never seen (or ever saw again). Yet in the midst of it all he was smiling.

After practice was over – and the heat of the moment had passed – I asked Coach Howington if could ask him a question: (Isn’t that a funny way to approach someone?). He responded, “Yes.” (I can hear his unique voice as I write that). I asked, “How can you get so upset with us like you did today and still be smiling?”

He responded, “It’s because I know why I am here.”

I have to admit that as a 16-year old kid, I walked away wondering what in the world he meant by that. But, I never forgot it and after several years of pondering, I finally realized what he meant.

You see, Coach Howington had a clear sense of purpose – a vision – that provided a framework for his life. He knew he was there to influence us to become the men that God wanted us to be. He knew why he did what he did and he did all that he did to bring honor and glory to His Lord.

That's why he could smile even when he was upset with us: He knew why he was there.

Coach Howington’s work with us reminds me of Paul’s work with the Thessalonians:

“…we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.”

Do you know why you are here?

Visioneering - Part 1

For some time now I have wanted to discuss “the vision thing.” So this is the first of several posts about Visioneering.

(My spell check doesn’t ever like that word – but I like it, so my spell check just needs to get over it! ... OK, now I have added it to the dictionary).

Visioneering is the title of Andy Stanley’s book and he defines it as “the course one follows to make dreams a reality. It is the process whereby ideas and convictions take on substance.”

Here’s his formula for the process:

Visioneering = Inspiration + Conviction + Action + Determination + Completion.

According to him, "Vision is a clear mental picture of what could be, fueled by the conviction of what should be. Vision is a preferred future, a destination. Vision always stands in contrast to the world as it is."

We often think about organizations having vision statements, and I think that is important. But, I think that we as individuals also need to have a vision for our life. Vision provides several benefits:

Passion. A clear vision generates strong emotions. It creates excitement as we anticipate our desired future.

Motivation. Vision provides the motivation to persevere the hardships involved in pursuit of something worthwhile. Two –a - days in August and grueling spring trainings are worth it when you can frame it in the context of pursuing championships.

Direction. Vision provides a road map for our lives and simplifies decision making. With a clear sense of vision, there are some options I don’t need to consider. They aren’t consistent with the vision and don’t even need to be evaluated.

Purpose. The uniqueness of our vision gives a sense of meaning and purpose to our lives.

My wife, Laura, has a clear sense of my vision and purpose. Sometimes her vision of my vision is clearer than my own. I begin to drift and start considering some wild ideas. She brings me back on track by saying: “You don’t even need to pray about that!”

Vision provides a sense of direction. Vision simplifies decision-making. Vision keeps your purpose clear and provides the passion to energize your efforts.

Vision allows you to be intensely intentional in everything you do.


Do you have a vision for your life?

In Prison ... and Refreshed

Last Thursday I checked into the Cleveland State Penitentiary at about 12:30 PM.

They were expecting me.

This was not a new experience - I had been in before.

I was there to speak to the men who are involved in the Prison Entrepreneurship Program – PEP. I spoke to about 70 men who are enrolled in class 11. Each class creates a nickname for their class. Class 11 is the “Lollypops.” When I heard that I knew that I was supposed to be there. Landrie and Karsyn call Laura and I “Lolly” and “Pops.”

Not only do they create a name for each class. Each participant is given a positive nickname. On my previous visit I was named “Butter Cup.”

The PEP program is an intensive and comprehensive program designed to prepare these men to be productive and contributing citizens when they are released from prison. This unique program works with men who are 6-12 months from their release. The only men who are ineligible are those convicted of sex crimes. The application process is rigorous, and being accepted into the program is no guarantee of graduating. The program seeks to develop the whole man. They have a manners night where the men are taught how to treat a lady on a date. They have a selling night, where they have 5 minutes to present a product or service and ask for the order. MBA students come in to mentor the men on preparing a business plan. This is a critical skill because it is often difficult for the men to find jobs when they come out of the prison, so they start their own businesses.

And they have a graduation ceremony when they complete the PEP program. The ceremony is complete with regalia – caps and gowns – and all the pomp and circumstance normally associated with graduations. For many of these men it is the first graduation ceremony they have ever participated in.

You have no doubt heard me say that the real measure of leadership is changed lives. It’s exciting to go to this prison because there is so much tangible life change. The results of this program are astounding. In a state where the recidivism rate is in excess of 65%, the rate for PEP graduates is less than 5%.

The men of PEP are changed men. But everyone that goes in to work with them is also changed. The MBA students come back from their time in the prison talking about how they went in thinking they would be investing in these men and making a difference. The students come out talking about the difference the PEP men made in the students’ lives.

Like my students, I went to Cleveland last week to invest in the lives of the PEP men and to make a difference. I made two presentations on Legacy Leadership. This is about the tenth time I have given this talk this year. Their response was overwhelming. The men were engaged and asked penetrating questions. The handshakes, the words, and the hugs were sincere expressions of their gratitude for my presence there with them.

The sincerity of their response and their commitment to life change fired me up. I went to invest in them, and they invested themselves in me.

As I left Cleveland last Thursday evening, I was reminded of Paul’s comment in 2 Corinthians 7:18:

“For they have refreshed my spirit and yours.
Therefore, acknowledge such men.”